Subject: Alcohol Consumption
Due to increasing products liability litigation, alcohol manufacturers
have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcohol containers:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can converse logically with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species or name you can't remember)
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy
Fear is the mind killer!
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