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F.U.Q.

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CKpolicy
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 2,463
So i was driving home at 3am one night all nice and toasty when all of a sudden my ears perked up, i got that certain twinkle in my very red eyes, and a blacklight popped up over my head: We need a thread devoted to fucked up quotes (F.U.Q.). So go get wasted, and when someone says something extraordinarily hilarious, come back and post it here. Ill start 'er off with one of my personal favorites.
I walked over to my buddies house late at night to meet some friends who had just smoked a big fat la la and it was rediculously foggy. So they come out to meet me, stop abruptly at the sight of the fog, and my boy travis looks at me then to my friend mark and says "Holy shit dude, we hotboxed the world" . Hilarity ensued. enjoy.
Jul 7 2007 10:15PM
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doritos
Posts: 7368 - Karma: 53
Went to drive-thru yesterday after a few bowls and my friend does this mad intimidating Eastern European accent, so we pull up to the speaker...

Hi, can I take your order?
Bitch, make me a motherfucking sandwich.
... What kind of sandwich, sir?
Listen bitch, don't you ever fucking sass me again.
[Silence] I'm sorry?
Do you think I'm fucking kidding, bitch? Make me a goddamn sandwich.
[Manager] I'm sorry sir, but you can pull ahead. We don't serve customers who treat our employees like that.
You won't be fucking serving anyone when I steal all of your hamburgers. You want to serve McChicken? Fuck that, I'll steal those, too.

They stopped responding after that even though I know they heard it, but I thought it was amusing.

Jul 23 2007 2:37PM
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lunchmeat
Posts: 922 - Karma: 227
my sister got drunk this weekend and was stumbling at a party and my moms freind goes up to her the day after and says "you were walking last night like i used to walk when i used to be on acid" hes like 60.
Jul 23 2007 2:55PM
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Sean...M
Posts: 2450 - Karma: 14
I got some

One was one of my friends at lacrosse camp. He was going one on one with this kid and before he did his move, he yelled "THE RUSTY ORESMEN!!" so the defender just started laughing his ass off and my friend just ran by and scored.

Also at the end of the school year, my brother in class leans back in his chair, yawns and say "ahhh.. this class is fucking boring.." in a regular tone of voice.

Jul 24 2007 12:17AM
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CKpolicy
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 2,463
on the golf course stoned

"thats in the cup!"
"why would you say that, were like 150 yards away and its getting dark"
"if i cant see it in the air, its in the cup"
"youre a glass half full guy arent ya?"
Aug 4 2007 4:44PM
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Edward.
Posts: 9366 - Karma: 445
"guns dont kill people. stupid mothafuckas wit guns kill people!" -chris tucker in some movie i dont remember the name
Aug 4 2007 5:28PM
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bombin_baker*
Posts: 202 - Karma: 12
I just couldnt put a sentence together. I wasnt THAT drunk!"
Aug 4 2007 5:32PM
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mattster
Posts: 4120 - Karma: 41
That's the reason my parents had sex. They didn't love each other, they only wanted expert offspring like me...
Aug 4 2007 5:51PM
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Bini.
Posts: 760 - Karma: 16
"mom, of course we're not drinking, its 7 o clock in the afternoon!"

yeah. im a winner
Aug 4 2007 7:24PM
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Black-Bandanna
Posts: 6680 - Karma: 1,602
I was blazing with my friend who had dreadlocks at the time...

"Dude, your dreads are sucking up the smoke..."
"Yeah man, they love to blaze too."

It was hilarious at the time.
Aug 4 2007 7:47PM
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Frenchish
Posts: 13 - Karma: 10
Ahahahaha....
As we blazed behind this building in a park (we also ate a couple pot brownies beforehand), my friend turns to me and says, "I feel like those dudes in Dazed and Confused..."
Aug 4 2007 8:26PM
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Shpadoinkle
Posts: 10437 - Karma: 84
haha. sounds like something i would say.
Aug 4 2007 9:59PM
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jibjim
Posts: 1814 - Karma: 10
"Yeah dude, chicks are for fags"
Aug 4 2007 10:17PM
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moonofendor
Posts: 1484 - Karma: 14
i was with one of my friends and after smokin five joints the cops roll up and my friends like " fuck yeah. at least they can't steal our bud." it made me happy.
Aug 4 2007 11:46PM
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dowalibeast
Posts: 3339 - Karma: 207
it's supposed to be your own quotes, not dumb and dumberer quotes.
Aug 5 2007 12:16AM
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Public_Enemy0255
Posts: 2994 - Karma: 17
the title of the thread spells "fuck" just in a different way...."fuq"
Aug 5 2007 12:29AM
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doritos
Posts: 7368 - Karma: 53
Haha, nice.
Aug 5 2007 4:24AM
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Shpadoinkle
Posts: 10437 - Karma: 84
pwned.
Aug 5 2007 10:48AM
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beer.
Posts: 3096 - Karma: 44
'yeah, she is such a nerd. Oh hey, I bought the lord of the rings elvish dictionary the other day.'

'at school, I'm known as the guy whos really, really chill.'--my friend after bonnaroo, minus many brain cells.

'I'm on fire!'--same friend as quote number one, after lighting a flaming shot of everclear and then spilling it on his hand. he then proceeeded to dance like trance music was playing in order to put it out.
Aug 5 2007 12:59PM
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jibmaster_josh
Posts: 2369 - Karma: 23
omg today at like 5:30 in the morning some dude came into mcdonalds stoned as fuck and nobody was at the till to take his order so i just told him to chill out. he was like "no man dont worry i know how to do this shit" iw as like no man you cant. next thing you know he was behind the counter ringing in his own order. he did it perfectly too, it was fucking crazy!!! jokes.
Aug 5 2007 1:10PM
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hoya
Posts: 130 - Karma: 15
so i was watching the first Lord Of The Rings movie with my dad, and about half way through he says (completely seriously): "This can't be a true story"

i found out later that he likes movies that are true stories and somehow got it into his head that lord of the rings was a true story
Aug 5 2007 8:29PM
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ZavierV
Posts: 5077 - Karma: 100
ok, alright, this wasn't my quote but i went to the fireworks with some friends the other night and we were walking back home... anyways this drunk kid crosses our path and was talking on his cell phone apparently tryin to find his buddy and all i heard was , "ok, so..uhh.. are you wearing clothes?"

and i very nearly shit my pants laughing.
Aug 6 2007 10:31PM
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MESKI
Posts: 942 - Karma: 220
A bunch of us were drinking and there was this girl sitting behind me in a papazan chair and i heard this noise of like water hitting the floor or something. so i turned around and asked if she just puked and she said no. so 10 seconds later i hear the noise again and i turn around and look at her and ask her you just puked didnt you. now shes completely covered in watery puke and knows that i could see it and yet responds to me "NO" i started cracking up cause she was covered in puke yet she still tried to deny it.
Aug 6 2007 10:49PM
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jibmaster_josh
Posts: 2369 - Karma: 23
"one of the great things about life is that there are so many different types of ownage"
Aug 10 2007 12:25AM
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moonofendor
Posts: 1484 - Karma: 14
snowboardings cooler.
Aug 10 2007 12:30AM
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MykeHype
Posts: 99 - Karma: 10
Some of you are soooo weird haha
Aug 10 2007 3:34AM
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skogenjake
Posts: 6685 - Karma: 511
hahaha
Aug 10 2007 2:41PM
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bighit
Posts: 1178 - Karma: 33
"If I was a chick... I'd be a huuuge slut. Give me that syphilis! I love dick!!"
Aug 10 2007 3:58PM
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Swan_Solo
Posts: 2374 - Karma: 14
me: what time you gotta be home?
mat: like nine or nine thirty
me: stay till like 2 A.M.
mat: and get 3 hours of work?
me: don't be a pussy
mat: you get a job
me: i have one
mat: well...GET ANOTHER ONE
Aug 10 2007 6:15PM
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CKpolicy
Posts: 2587 - Karma: 2,463
half of the wittiness right there.
Aug 11 2007 7:29PM
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