My extremely comical Health project

My health project

DIARY OF A SPERM:

We were waiting patiently. Seconds went by, which felt like hours. Patiently, thinking of the intense activity of this marathon to come. I was side by side with my seven brothers. All in a line, waiting with the millions others. The start gate was the metropolis of epididymis, where all of us sperm are store in comfort. It was warm here, warmer than the great north. This is only a myth, but I’ve heard horror stories of a cold world above us. Right off Epididymis is the hospital, called testicles. This where we are all “produced”. I don’t really know the meaning of this, and it kind of creeps me out. Suddenly, my brother Reece taps my shoulder. I look over. He says to me in a low voice “Get ready, we’re almost set to go. Lets move to the front of the pack……”.

Reece and I take separate paths to the front, and we start our talking once more. He tells us that god has signalled this race. It is a sacrifice to the god. In this, all but one of us will be sacrificed. Reece whispered, “Calum is getting lucky” to me. “Finally” chanted another sperm from the back. We snickered.

All of a sudden, the hatch was lying open. Me and Reece started swimming. We passed through the hatch fast, with speed. Reece told me that this tube is called the vas deferens. He said it is a transportation tube to take us to the seminal vesicle. Reece is a very enlightened individual, a smart cookie if you may. While thinking, Reece and I were speeding through the vas deferens at frightening speeds. We passed a small village called upper scrotumville, and past USC, Upper Scrotum College. As I looked ahead in the passage, I saw the seminal vesicle, and suddenly, some nutrients were in our path! I yelled to the rest of the pack in my loudest voice, “NUTRIENTS! EYES SHUT BOYS!”

The nutrients hit us with a light impact, surprisingly, and we continued on our journey. I and Reece were still side-by-side, close to the front of the pack. We looked up to see another gland in the body, the prostate gland. Looming ahead of it, the gland looked intimidating at the least. We were approaching, speedily, and finally, we hit it. It shot out a white, milk like fluid, that helped us as sperm make up the semen. The semen protects us when we are in the great beyond. Then, all of a sudden, there were the Cowper’s glands. These glands are used to create the clear sticky fluid that we get covered in.

Now speeding through the urethra, we got ready to enter to Vagina. We all tensed up and waited for what would be the hardest journey of our lives. The journey through the male had been the easy part. Now we had to go through the woman, the hardest task imaginable.

We blasted out of the head of the penis, otherwise known as the glans, and swam into the vagina. Here we were not greeted not very kindly. Now we were swimming
upstream!?!?!?! I was still near the head of the pack, but I had fallen behind a bit since entering the vagina. Swimming upstream was hard work, and I was scared of the outcome. My brother Reece said to me that only 50 of us out of 250 million would even find the fabled egg, and only one would be able to fertilize it. I knew that this task was daunting, and I began to swim more strongly. We were swimming and swimming and swimming, and then, the tube was narrowing. I started getting very anxious; I’m a tad claustrophobic!

What I soon found out was that this was the cervix, the small, narrow end of the vagina, leading into the uterus. We were approaching the cervix, Millimetres away still, moving as fast as we could. It takes a long time for us to travel very small distences, in fact, 3 mm every hour in the vagina! Ill write again when we reach the cervix……

FINALLY! That took long enough….. Well, we have finally passed through the cervix into the uterus, and I must tell you, it is MASSIVE! I can barely see the walls, but I am fairly sure I am going towards them. We split in to two lines. There’s a 50-50 chance that we’ll end up in the right fallopian tube, our destination. I have a feeling about this tube; don’t ask why…. I just do… The good thing is that me and Reece are still together, and he can continue to guide me throughout this journey. We are on the left side of the uterus now. The uterus is a pear-shaped organ which nourishes and holds a developing fetus. Again, Reece flooding me with definitions……….. how does he know? At this point, I really just want to tell Reece to… well….. Shut up! I’m tired of him being smarter than me. Well, that’s a little harsh but….. Let’s just get back to my journey.

Over the course of many hours, we were advancing up the uterus, towards the fallopian tubes. The fallopian tubes, which are tubes that lead from the top of the uterus, with finger like projections that surround an ovary, were right ahead. I could see them, in my line of sight, and at this point, I prayed that that was the right tube….

The majority of us had gotten trapped in the thick walls of the uterus, and there were as few as 400 of us left in the pack, depleting with every single second that went by. We were traveling, traveling, traveling……. Slowly…….. I must say this part of the journey was quite boring, so ill spare you the 300 change deaths in the walls of the uterus, and get back to you when we arrive at the mouth of the fallopian tubes.

We were now just approaching the fallopian tubes, 76 of us now…. A small cloud of sperm swimming in a sprawling uterus. As we entered the Fallopian tubes, we could not see anything around the bends and curves, and so we just preceded swimming. It was the darkest part of the journey, and it was scary. But after we this long perilous journey from the Testicles to the Fallopian tubes, we had finally spotted the egg. The egg had been produced by one of the two female reproductive glands, one on each side of the uterus, each with its own fallopian tube. The ovary also produces something called estrogen. Anyways, back to the journey. We saw the egg ahead, gleaming in front of us, shining almost, and the prize for our ventures. Immediately, we buried our heads into the eggs outer shell, but one thing distracted me. Reece had been left behind, or trapped in a wall, and I had not even noticed!!! But I am here, burying my head into the eggs protective layer.

After several minutes of hard digging, I broke through, and found the egg first! It was my day to shine, and I captured the egg! I was now fertilizing it! Happiness is everywhere in my body. Its hard to believe that I won this race!


I just read it over and laughed my fucking head off

And yes my health teacher is a rapist