and you wake up with a vague feeling that you're the exact person you

were before and that it is all some sort of constant ornate dream. just

a byproduct of your ever developing goal of realizing the

present....maybe. A vague feeling that becomes shrouded in a momentary

scare that it was all just a waste of mind....i mean time....i mean mind. you should

spend your life doing more important things. maybe giving your all for

a project or cause that generates or consumes or both. maybe staking a

claim in a chunk of anything. but if it is some dream, its the most

interesting, detailed, life-giving and altering, worthwhile dream of

your life. worth every minute. to never be compared to anything or even

to be looked at with a subjective mind. it is. it will always be. never

the same and never different. and in that light you see the truth. it

MUST be again. like an addict realizing his eventual death, there is

only one way. like waking up to realize you've already swam halfway

across the ocean....oops, or not must go on. I fear not

these things. I can only fear their absence. did it really take me so

long to find this???? or was i just patiently waiting for its proper

fruition? too soon and my roots are not grounded. too long and the

weather has turned. but the ground is solid and packed with nutrients.

the sun shines. growth now feels endless. no need to impatiently strive

or to kick back and relax. the time table is nearly set in

stone....waiting only for the clock to be reset by some unimaginable