While all of you schmucks are sitting at home twiddling your thumbs and watching Jenna Jameson videos, I'm riding high in Whistler with a suburban licensed STEEZN, a fridge full of Kokanee, and enough video and photo equipment to fill your poor little minds with images and wet dreams for the rest of the off-season.

Within 48 hours we'll have the full story up, so get your hand lotion ready and lower the blinds. For right now though, here's the heads-up: last night Iannick B. destroyed the McDonald's rail session in Whistler Village with normal and blindside switch-ups along with a 270 disaster on the massive 30-foot double kink stairset rail that was so intimidating that half the invited skiers didn't even show up.

Today in Superpipe, the women stepped it up to an entirely new level, with consistently huge airs and stylie spins; NSC rider and skier goddess Sarah Burke took second to Marie Martinod's smooth steezage.

The men took the pipe, and, in typical WSI style, attempted to destroy themselves, their equipment, the crowd, and the pipe with airs so big, I almost thought they were yo mama's thighs. Tanner Hall walked away with yet another gold medal with his incredible pipe run of corked and flatspins all over 15 feet out, while Simon Dumont, Charles Gagnier, Josh Bibby, and others took pipe riding to new levels with ridiculous airs and switch tricks.

The Superhit comp was just too sick for these words to do it any justice, but the Dumizzle and T-Hall took cork 5s to new heights. You think the Dumont went big at the X Games? Wait until you see this.

The big air comp is tonight, and the jump looks SICK. Right now I'm going to go drink some more Kokanee and get the camera set up, so that come Monday I can give coverage more complete than any other website or magazine out there. You heard it here first. Word.

RESULTS

These are abridged just so you can debate who got what- full results will be up with the full story.

RAIL JIZZAM

1. Iannick B.

2. Steele Spence

3. Josh Bibby

4. Matt Sterbenz

WOMEN'S SUPERPIPE

1. Marie Martinod

2. Sarah Burke

3. Jamie Sundberg

4. Jen Hudak

MEN'S SUPERPIPE

1. Tanner Hall

2. Simon Dumont

3. Charles Gagnier

4. TJ Schiller

SUPERHIT

THE DUMIZZLE!!!!!