As all of you undoubtedly noticed, Newschoolers was unavailable from late on Thursday until early this afternoon. Well, now that the site is online, we are finally able to reveal what happened to cause this disruption to your procrastination schedules.
After days of investigation, Paulbot, NS' IT miracle worker, discovered suspect packets of information being repeatedly transmitted from deep within the North Korean wilderness. Spurred on by his success, Paulbot continued to work his magic and was able to trace similar packets to Oberhofen, Switzerland, home of The Fortress of Darkness (otherwise known as Fédération Internationale de Ski Headquarters).
FIS, the antithesis of all that is fun and freethinking in the world of winter action sports, seem to have taken issue with the recent takeover of the Dew Tour by TEN. So much so that, in an attempt to stop an unacceptable outbreak of fun in the world of competitions, they launched a data attack to overload Newschoolers’ servers and take down the entire TEN network thereby cause the cancellation of the event.
And where do North Korea come into this you ask? Well, my friends, remember that Pyeongchang hosts the 2018 Winter Olympics. Kim Jong Un, hater of all things South Korean and anything related to the word ‘free’, apparently joined forces with FIS in this attempted takedown of the world leader in freeskiing entertainment (that's us you nerds) in hope of kicking the ‘free’ out of freeskiing and thus making the Olympics, and by extension the world, a much more boring place.
We fought the good fight but eventually bit the bullet and shut down the site to save the network. So we saved the world and now we’re back.
You heard it here first folks, welcome home!