I never knew Emmet from Vishnu, but I had heard many things about him. At first, I got him confused with Malcom (of Shredsauce) and Dan (of Arsenic). I would say; “Oh yeah, I love Shredsauce! Emmet is the g!” I would get many weird looks from my core friends. They would later push me to social isolation, kicking me out of their crew. I was down in the dumps, unmotivated, and ready to quit skiing. But one day I was playing Grand Mountain Adventure when I thought; “Wait a minute! If I want to be core like my old friends are, I can buy 189 Vishnu Wets! That way I can pull up to the ski hill with my fresh setup, and maybe the crew will take me back!” My only mistake was that I was a short 5’ 3” at the time - riding 189 skis would be incredibly hard to do. But I powered through, I ordered the Wets, had them mounted, and brought them to the hill on the day of March 18th, 2026. As I clipped into my gold Pivot 18s, I heard a distant voice: “Ross… Ross! Ross! Over here!” I turned my head faster than Matej did a triple on a snowboard. As I tried to focus on him, trying with all my will to recognize this figure, I heard his voice; “Ross! It’s me, Emmet!!” I was astonished by his voice. Keep in mind, I had never met Emmet before. We walk towards each other. As we approach each other, I greet him with a couple of Tom Wallisch style hand gestures. I tell him, “Emmet, what’s up?! Love the skis, man!” He doesn’t say anything. Confused, I say what’s up again. Still, nothing. He stares at me, darkness in his eyes. Now we are just two men, in ski boots, standing next to the ski racks. Emmet suddenly jolts his hand to his back pocket of his black Saga Anomies, and pulls out a letter. He hands it to me as he says just three words. “You’ve been served.”
I opened the letter as Emmet walks away. It’s a court order from… the court. It says I legally can’t ski anything under 210 centimeters in the U.S. anymore. A punishment for my immature mistake. I was astonished. Was I reading this letter correctly? I rubbed my eyes and took another look. No, I didn’t read it wrong, I really couldn’t ski anything under 210 anymore. I slumped back to my car, ready to drive home. I took one last look at the court order and saw in fine print: “Anyone charged of this felony is given unlimited special Vishnu Wides in a 210 cm size.” I yelped at the top of my lungs, grateful for this sponsorship from my new favorite ski brand, Vishnu. I looked in the trunk of my car, and there they were: the Vishnu Wides.
The date is May 15, 2029, and I am writing this entry in the Timberline parking lot.
Guess what? There’s a gondola and a magic carpet to the summit of Hood now!