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I feel it's unlikely for anyone or at least the vast majority to actually tell their most embarrassing story. Maybe "Most embarrassing story you're willing to share here".
Also def gotta share a story to start if you're going to ask imo.
Whelp.... Each of my parents caught me jackin it to porn on separate occasions when I was younger. Talk about an awkward breakfast.
But probably even more awkward than that, was the day my aunt ruined Easter. So my brother, cousin, and I were back in my room. I'm in 6th grade I think. Got a badass silver ipod mini and decided to show my cousin that I had the new 50 cent CD, ripped off lime wire, that everyone was going bananas about. Well naturally he plays candy shop on the ipod and in walks my aunt and we all make guilty looking movements. "What are you listening to". She rips my ipod out and puts a headphone in and hears that atrocity of a song playing. The look on her face. Sheer horror. Well to make it worse she says "just wait til I tell your mother". This bitch went out in the living room and played it for my mom AND MY GRANDMA.... ON EASTER! Got lectured for a solid 30min about vulgarity and how that music is degrading to women... Man that was a bad day but at least it wasn't the Ludicrous Coming to America album I had on there... I got in so much trouble but my mom was too technologically handicapped to figure out how to delete it lol..... On the other hand, I called my aunt a cunt last year and told her that her husband (not my uncle) is a piece of shit, so I basically single handedly saved my dad and brother from having to sit through another forced holiday with those wretched people. They were grateful. That's called taking one for the team.
So I tripped in first grade. Needed to break the fall because I couldn’t hurt this future skier piece of meat….pulled down a girls skirt and I begged her not to take the red cube from me(we had this system of chances. Red was bad). I was not a happy camper that day.
well, I’m a dumbass so I have another. I was 5 and at the Johnson space center on Texas. They have a kids area with a glass elevator. I go up, step out. Then go back to the elevator but have no clue how to use the buttons. My parents would always tell me. Then as I’m banging on the glass and the whole place can see me making a scene, the elevator moves and then the doors open at the bottom. It was my dad. I was saved…..I told him, “you saved me!” And the rest is history. HahA
Ok I’ll spare everyone all the cringe worthy stories of drunkenly pushing rope and tell a ski story-
My childhood ski BFF got into filming late in highschool and quickly kind of gained notoriety for being pretty legit in the pre smartphone era so local pros forged relationships and he got into doing some projects with production companies at the time it was low key but also kind of seemed like a big deal.
I don’t remember the situation other than I had a brand new pair of park skis that I was picking up from the shop for getting mounted at the time that he calls me to come lap snoqualmie park with some heavy athletes at the time. Everything was coming together perfectly and I mob up to catch up with the crew.
I think I happen to run into everyone as I am getting on the chair for the first lap. Brand new skis, first run, riding chairs w/ pros- everything is going according to plan.
Do a couple ollies on my new set, feeling like a million bucks, we enter the park. First hit that year was like a really lippy step down where the landing was sort of bent like a hip. Guys are warmed up and people are stomping switch hits, all kinds of nonsense, I defer to go last just like yeah get your shots it’s cool. Then I go to hit the jump thinking I will do like a simple 270 to switch to not embarrass myself completely.
People aren’t really paying attention but the pressure is on. I mob into the lip and instantly eject out of a ski at takeoff. I flail through the air trying to put my feet to the ground as planned but having lost a ski it wasn’t going well and when I landed I was kind of 90 to the landing and did a pole plant that came up and punched me square in the face. I yard sail down the landing and eventually collect all my shit and ski down.
People are waiting down in the
flats like what the fuck happened man? At which point I realize my nose has been bleeding profusely from the impact and there is blood just everywhere. Somewhere between there and then I realize the shop has reset my DIN to 6. Probably because their tech shop was a bunch of bitchy assholes that hated park skiing, but that’s beside the point.
So I ski down to the ski patrol building to get myself cleaned up, already knowing that I am probably going to run into my old boss, when we didn’t part ways on great terms. I am just hoping I can grab some gauze from a rando but obviously that wasn’t in the cards. James comes out to ask me a million questions about why my face is leaking in front of a bunch of my former colleagues and makes a big show of it like a true asshole.
At which point I am just like fuck this day and crawl into a hole back to my car and go home completely defeated.
I took @WoFlowz mom out to Applebees last Thursday for a first date. Great time. Burbon Street Steak was cooked to perfection. Anyhoo… after we eat she brings me back to her place, and one thing leads to another and we end up naked on top of each other. Well it being a Thursday she reassures me that @WoFlowz wont hear us spanking sweaties, because it’s a school night and he’s tucked in nice and tight for bed and fast asleep. Well all be damned if she was wrong because @WoFlowz must of woken up from the knocking noises and sure enough he comes in rubbing his eyes asking what’s going on. Poor little dude. Felt bad for him having to see his mom in that position. Well anyways after she informed him that I was his new daddy, she went downstairs and tucked him back in for the night.
I guess long story short, it was pretty fucking embarrassing… not for me but for that little slugger @WoFlowz. Can’t imagine how bad his day at school was the next day.
hang in there champ! I’ll see you tomorrow night at 7:30. Your mom told me to bring over some dinner rolls. Guess she’s making lasagna!
Tdlr: Got way too drunk (and puked). Almost got date raped by a 300lb turtle. Learned about the homeless. Wasted too much money, and this was the night a transgender drag queen saved my life.
Actually got a better one, but it's a novel. I've tried to forget about this but occasionally it haunts me how stupid I was. The next day I had the worst case of post-drinking regrets of my entire life.
Classic start to yet another "let's go get shit faced" night out. Started at pint house which is basically the worst bar in the city, literally the equivalent of one giant college house party with people just standing doing nothing. I went there cuz the ladies wanted to start there, whatever. Well they had Dogfish 120min IPA on tap for $5!!! If you know anything about this beer, that's a terrible idea. It's $10 per 12oz bottle and usually 15-20%abv. Well I thought it was a steal cuz this bar certainly couldn't be that stupid so I get a glass. Dude pours me a pint lol. A pint of 15-20% alcohol. Fuck. Killed it. Back for seconds. New bartender and tries to give it to me in a little 4oz glass. I argue and say no they gave me a bigger glass you're wrong. So I ended up getting a total of 3 of these beers. Absolutely plastered.
After that we went next door/down the street to Union, the gay bar. If you don't know anything about this place, it's a riot. The drinks are cheap as fuck and they overpour and are proud of it too. I'm sitting at the outside bar with some other dude in our group and all the women decide to use the bathroom simultaneously (classic). This other guy in the group decides he's gotta piss too. So now it's just me, piss drunk off my ass, sitting at the bar.
The juicy details: And in walks my soon to be problem. I'm sitting minding my own business, sipping whatever drink I had, and this 300lb+, 6'3'+bald turtle looking guy comes over, leans towards me, and whispers "I really wanna blow you right now"...... (excuse me what?!? Do women have to deal with this sort of shit all the time from guys? On behalf of my gender, I'm sorry.)..... "Lmao no thanks I'm straight and also engaged", I say.... He replies, "Where is your fiance? I don't see anyone with you. Haven't you ever been curious?"...."ummm no lol I'm good. She's here but went to the bathroom", I said.... This continued on for what seemed like forever (actually was probably a solid 30min of back and forth with non sexual talk in between)... My drunk ass thought it was funny and also didn't think it would be a bad idea to keep drinking. So my turtle admirer orders tequila shots. Yay 🤢. I shoot mine like a fucking champ and this guy does a fake shot and then slides it to me with the whole "you didn't take yours yet"....well regardless of how drunk I am, I couldn't fall for that shit. I call this bitch out and make him take his shot. He was clearly trying to get me more drunk and the bartender could give a shit. I was so drunk I paid the bartender to fill me a water from the water dispenser jug.... Well Mr turtle continues his advances as well as making the questions to me more sexual in nature. "Let's go to the bathroom. I'll suck your cock. She won't even find out"... The women still aren't back yet and this has to be 30min later. I finally ditch this creep to go piss (bad move cuz there was a line a mile long inside). I'm standing there and feel a hand go down inside of the back of my pants on my bare ass. Turn around....OHHHHHH FUCK! I zip off passing everyone and ditch this fool. I'm drunk so pissing is priority #1. Not getting raped is priority #2.... I piss. It's great. When I walk out towards the exit of the bar, I can see this dude standing looking around for me. That is when I desperately recruited the help of a drag queen who 100% shut this shit down and helped me escape. I finally meet back up with my group and head outside cuz turtle man was still in pursuit.
When I go outside I see a food truck. Fuck yeah gyros! Order a gyro, tip the girl like $40 cuz she had downs and I am a compassionate drunk 🤦. As I'm eating it, I notice a homeless gude standing there and I had the audacity to offer him my half eaten gyro lol. I. Am. A. Douche... Actually turned out funny cuz the guy declined and said they give him free food at the end of the night. He then proceeded to get in a verbal altercation with a "fake homeless" guy. All this happened while my fiance ordered an uber with my phone.
In comes the uber. I get in absolutely shit faced and decide to make 5min of snapchat video of myself sticking my tongue out with the caption "about to puke". Send all.... Get back to my apartment and finally relief. I puke my guts out all over some crown vic in the parking lot. Stumble up the stairs to my apartment. Also sent a video of that too. Spent rhe next few hours hugging porcelain. Woke up next morning to regret, blood shot eyes, burst blood vessels, and a couple hundred dollars poorer.
And here's my water receipt and beer picture to prove it. Totally embarrassing. Very regretful. Super cringy to think about. Nothing against union either cuz the place is lit, but damn that was a terrible night.
Tyler the bartender is definitely not a G.
My cat stole my phone the next morning while I was hungover.
HypeBeastTdlr: Got way too drunk (and puked). Almost got date raped by a 300lb turtle. Learned about the homeless. Wasted too much money, and this was the night a transgender drag queen saved my life.
Actually got a better one, but it's a novel. I've tried to forget about this but occasionally it haunts me how stupid I was. The next day I had the worst case of post-drinking regrets of my entire life.
Classic start to yet another "let's go get shit faced" night out. Started at pint house which is basically the worst bar in the city, literally the equivalent of one giant college house party with people just standing doing nothing. I went there cuz the ladies wanted to start there, whatever. Well they had Dogfish 120min IPA on tap for $5!!! If you know anything about this beer, that's a terrible idea. It's $10 per 12oz bottle and usually 15-20%abv. Well I thought it was a steal cuz this bar certainly couldn't be that stupid so I get a glass. Dude pours me a pint lol. A pint of 15-20% alcohol. Fuck. Killed it. Back for seconds. New bartender and tries to give it to me in a little 4oz glass. I argue and say no they gave me a bigger glass you're wrong. So I ended up getting a total of 3 of these beers. Absolutely plastered.
After that we went next door/down the street to Union, the gay bar. If you don't know anything about this place, it's a riot. The drinks are cheap as fuck and they overpour and are proud of it too. I'm sitting at the outside bar with some other dude in our group and all the women decide to use the bathroom simultaneously (classic). This other guy in the group decides he's gotta piss too. So now it's just me, piss drunk off my ass, sitting at the bar.
The juicy details: And in walks my soon to be problem. I'm sitting minding my own business, sipping whatever drink I had, and this 300lb+, 6'3'+bald turtle looking guy comes over, leans towards me, and whispers "I really wanna blow you right now"...... (excuse me what?!? Do women have to deal with this sort of shit all the time from guys? On behalf of my gender, I'm sorry.)..... "Lmao no thanks I'm straight and also engaged", I say.... He replies, "Where is your fiance? I don't see anyone with you. Haven't you ever been curious?"...."ummm no lol I'm good. She's here but went to the bathroom", I said.... This continued on for what seemed like forever (actually was probably a solid 30min of back and forth with non sexual talk in between)... My drunk ass thought it was funny and also didn't think it would be a bad idea to keep drinking. So my turtle admirer orders tequila shots. Yay 🤢. I shoot mine like a fucking champ and this guy does a fake shot and then slides it to me with the whole "you didn't take yours yet"....well regardless of how drunk I am, I couldn't fall for that shit. I call this bitch out and make him take his shot. He was clearly trying to get me more drunk and the bartender could give a shit. I was so drunk I paid the bartender to fill me a water from the water dispenser jug.... Well Mr turtle continues his advances as well as making the questions to me more sexual in nature. "Let's go to the bathroom. I'll suck your cock. She won't even find out"... The women still aren't back yet and this has to be 30min later. I finally ditch this creep to go piss (bad move cuz there was a line a mile long inside). I'm standing there and feel a hand go down inside of the back of my pants on my bare ass. Turn around....OHHHHHH FUCK! I zip off passing everyone and ditch this fool. I'm drunk so pissing is priority #1. Not getting raped is priority #2.... I piss. It's great. When I walk out towards the exit of the bar, I can see this dude standing looking around for me. That is when I desperately recruited the help of a drag queen who 100% shut this shit down and helped me escape. I finally meet back up with my group and head outside cuz turtle man was still in pursuit.
When I go outside I see a food truck. Fuck yeah gyros! Order a gyro, tip the girl like $40 cuz she had downs and I am a compassionate drunk 🤦. As I'm eating it, I notice a homeless gude standing there and I had the audacity to offer him my half eaten gyro lol. I. Am. A. Douche... Actually turned out funny cuz the guy declined and said they give him free food at the end of the night. He then proceeded to get in a verbal altercation with a "fake homeless" guy. All this happened while my fiance ordered an uber with my phone.
In comes the uber. I get in absolutely shit faced and decide to make 5min of snapchat video of myself sticking my tongue out with the caption "about to puke". Send all.... Get back to my apartment and finally relief. I puke my guts out all over some crown vic in the parking lot. Stumble up the stairs to my apartment. Also sent a video of that too. Spent rhe next few hours hugging porcelain. Woke up next morning to regret, blood shot eyes, burst blood vessels, and a couple hundred dollars poorer.
And here's my water receipt and beer picture to prove it. Totally embarrassing. Very regretful. Super cringy to think about. Nothing against union either cuz the place is lit, but damn that was a terrible night.
Tyler the bartender is definitely not a G.
My cat stole my phone the next morning while I was hungover.
Had been wanting to bang this girl for a long time. I was talking big game. I got a 5th of fireball and we watched planet earth and drank that shit for like an hour. By which point she really wanted sum. But I couldn’t get hard if my life depended on it. She did her best god bless her soul. Nothing more soul crushing than a girl sucking your soft wiener and not getting hard. But that shit wasn’t happening. That’s why I don’t drink anymore. The end.
frostedTipHad been wanting to bang this girl for a long time. I was talking big game. I got a 5th of fireball and we watched planet earth and drank that shit for like an hour. By which point she really wanted sum. But I couldn’t get hard if my life depended on it. She did her best god bless her soul. Nothing more soul crushing than a girl sucking your soft wiener and not getting hard. But that shit wasn’t happening. That’s why I don’t drink anymore. The end.
Bruh I get this from weed. I get stuck in weird mental loops completely unrelated to sex and become too distracted to get it up.
RH406Bruh I get this from weed. I get stuck in weird mental loops completely unrelated to sex and become too distracted to get it up.
Interesting 🤔 weed is usually an enhancement for me- I’m more in tune w my body and therefore have more control. Got the dab pen on standby on the nightstand
I was walking back from the kitchen of this hotel I was working at with a bowl of soup for dinner and I tripped on my shoelace as I was walking into the front desk area and launched a bowl of chicken noodle all over the desk.
RH406Bruh I get this from weed. I get stuck in weird mental loops completely unrelated to sex and become too distracted to get it up.
One time was in the middle of presex making out (post-bong rips) and kept stopping to say completely random things, it was so cringy. I feel like some strains fuck w my adhd so much
Aight buckle the fuck up, I've got a good one. It's grade 9, and we're doing sex ed. This is the third round of it (Round 1, 5th grade is "don't let uncle larry touch ya junk, round 2 7th or 8th grade is puberty basics, little bit of safe sex, round 3 is 9th grade, safe sex, stds and shit). At this point in the course, we're talking anatomy. We've just finished, dicks/balls, and this day, we're covering the topic that everyone (all male class) is hyped for. Vaginas. At this point, most people have a vague idea what one looks like. Me, I'd already been beating my meat for a year or two, so I consider myself a subject matter expert.
Now to set the stage, I'm tall, skinny, and have the metabolism of a fucking horse. I eat a ton of food. This particular day, I managed to forget my lunch at home, and being too broke to buy something, just figured I'd tough it out at home (big mistake). Anyways, this class is the last period of the day, I'll be home in about 2 hours, and I'm getting hungry. Start feeling a little woozy, but nothing alarming. Teacher is doing his thing, reviewing some dick-related homework, and we get going. The Female Anatomy. Big secrets are about to be unlocked for us horny bastards. Teach starts his powerpoint, opens the first slide, a big ol labled diagram of a coochie. I look at it for a few seconds, think Niiiiceeee, and pass out. Fall outta my seat, wack my head on the floor, and piss myself. Came too about 5 minutes later, soaked in piss, with everyone standing around. Teacher clears the room, ambulance crew shows up, and hauls me out on a stretcher, right infront of all my homies as they're getting on the bus.
Get hauled to the hospital, and lie in the corridor in the ER for several hours, beside a girl who'd somehow gotten shards of glass in her eyes. (Worst fucking screams I've ever heard). Docs check me out, run some tests, decide I don't have diabetes, and just need to eat more. Get the next day off of school, come back, and everyone is looking at me funny. Nobody ever said anything to my face, but there was plenty of shit going on behind my back for the rest of HS. What really pissed me off though, wasn't the damage it did to my reputation. Several years before (just before cancer got her), my grandma gave me a really nice leather wallet. When I pissed myself, the wallet got soaked, and I was never able to get the piss smell out of it. Fortunately, I didn't have any lasting damage (any brain damage I have was already there), and the first time I saw a vagina in person, I managed to stay conscious.
BiffbarfI only remember my most embarrassing moments when they blindside me while I'm having an otherwise great time. Can't really think of anything now.
Honestly consciously tried to think of some last night and today and really couldn't. Nothing that bad at least. Maybe I've buried the trauma deep inside. I'm down with that.
If my brain is going to forget good shit, I'm glad it can forget bad shit too lol.
SendyMcSendyfaceAight buckle the fuck up, I've got a good one. It's grade 9, and we're doing sex ed. This is the third round of it (Round 1, 5th grade is "don't let uncle larry touch ya junk, round 2 7th or 8th grade is puberty basics, little bit of safe sex, round 3 is 9th grade, safe sex, stds and shit). At this point in the course, we're talking anatomy. We've just finished, dicks/balls, and this day, we're covering the topic that everyone (all male class) is hyped for. Vaginas. At this point, most people have a vague idea what one looks like. Me, I'd already been beating my meat for a year or two, so I consider myself a subject matter expert.
Now to set the stage, I'm tall, skinny, and have the metabolism of a fucking horse. I eat a ton of food. This particular day, I managed to forget my lunch at home, and being too broke to buy something, just figured I'd tough it out at home (big mistake). Anyways, this class is the last period of the day, I'll be home in about 2 hours, and I'm getting hungry. Start feeling a little woozy, but nothing alarming. Teacher is doing his thing, reviewing some dick-related homework, and we get going. The Female Anatomy. Big secrets are about to be unlocked for us horny bastards. Teach starts his powerpoint, opens the first slide, a big ol labled diagram of a coochie. I look at it for a few seconds, think Niiiiceeee, and pass out. Fall outta my seat, wack my head on the floor, and piss myself. Came too about 5 minutes later, soaked in piss, with everyone standing around. Teacher clears the room, ambulance crew shows up, and hauls me out on a stretcher, right infront of all my homies as they're getting on the bus.
Get hauled to the hospital, and lie in the corridor in the ER for several hours, beside a girl who'd somehow gotten shards of glass in her eyes. (Worst fucking screams I've ever heard). Docs check me out, run some tests, decide I don't have diabetes, and just need to eat more. Get the next day off of school, come back, and everyone is looking at me funny. Nobody ever said anything to my face, but there was plenty of shit going on behind my back for the rest of HS. What really pissed me off though, wasn't the damage it did to my reputation. Several years before (just before cancer got her), my grandma gave me a really nice leather wallet. When I pissed myself, the wallet got soaked, and I was never able to get the piss smell out of it. Fortunately, I didn't have any lasting damage (any brain damage I have was already there), and the first time I saw a vagina in person, I managed to stay conscious.
damn you saw a real vagina in real life?? what was it like
HypeBeastWhelp.... Each of my parents caught me jackin it to porn on separate occasions when I was younger. Talk about an awkward breakfast.
But probably even more awkward than that, was the day my aunt ruined Easter. So my brother, cousin, and I were back in my room. I'm in 6th grade I think. Got a badass silver ipod mini and decided to show my cousin that I had the new 50 cent CD, ripped off lime wire, that everyone was going bananas about. Well naturally he plays candy shop on the ipod and in walks my aunt and we all make guilty looking movements. "What are you listening to". She rips my ipod out and puts a headphone in and hears that atrocity of a song playing. The look on her face. Sheer horror. Well to make it worse she says "just wait til I tell your mother". This bitch went out in the living room and played it for my mom AND MY GRANDMA.... ON EASTER! Got lectured for a solid 30min about vulgarity and how that music is degrading to women... Man that was a bad day but at least it wasn't the Ludicrous Coming to America album I had on there... I got in so much trouble but my mom was too technologically handicapped to figure out how to delete it lol..... On the other hand, I called my aunt a cunt last year and told her that her husband (not my uncle) is a piece of shit, so I basically single handedly saved my dad and brother from having to sit through another forced holiday with those wretched people. They were grateful. That's called taking one for the team.
Last run of the day, gotta take a wicked piss. Try to unzip my snowpants pee hole zipper thing(is that what it's called?), then pull down my shorts & underwear through the tiny snowpants opening, nope not quick enough. End up peeing half the time in my pants. It felt kinda nice and warm tho. The boys def had a good time with that one I still get made fun of for wetting myself ;(
**This post was edited on Dec 7th 2021 at 1:51:32am
SendyMcSendyface@AbiH yo where's yours homie...ya can't just ask folks to spill their beans then dip
You right you right….
so I used to rodeo in HS and I was super self conscious because I was pretty new at it…. We were at a super nice indoor arena for a rodeo dinner awards thing and I had run home to change jeans…. I got them out of the dirty laundry and threw them on… I went back and sat down at dinner with the arena manager his kid and this dude I had a massssssive crush on. I looked down and what did I see…… my underwear under the table….. I guess I didn’t take it out of my jeans when I threw it in the laundry I was horrified, but I wasn’t about to grab it, because it would’ve been obvious, so I left it there…. The manager saw it and was like EWWWW There’s someone’s dirty underwear under here!!!! The whole table was like whAtttttt and he picked them up with an auction number and put it in the trash….. I wanted to dieeeee it was the absolute worst. I don’t think they knew butttttttttttttttt still it was the worst.
