Sup Newschoolers. So I was telling my buddy about my bizarre shit show of a trip to Lake Tahoe a few seasons ago, and now that the heat has settled, I thought yall might get a kick out of it.
I thought to myself one day, "Snow's good in Cali, how can I score a free trip to Tahoe?" A little background about me - like most lifelong Breckenridge steeze trash, I've got a no-fucks firecracker of a kook personality - something about bright sunlight, thin atmosphere, radon in the water, chest beating, shit talking, and head injuries just kinda changes you.
Anyways, some creative googling found me a two night 20 person cabin trip with a Silicon Valley Young Professionals Facebook Group. "Radically inclusive has RAD in it!" I thought to myself as I full send venmoed some guy $120 and cashed in my sweet Frontier miles.
Upon getting picked up at the airport by these beautiful and fit young professionals, I was all fired up like, "Alright yeah bros! We're snowed into a log mansion with a bunch of hot sexy singles! I'm a be hittin it like it's the 'Going' button. We gonna have a fuck fest or what?!" The snappy 'IT Management doesn't want to get HR involved' style response by the pack leader made it immediately apparent that absolutely no one was getting laid on this trip.
Friday night was generally pretty uneventful. What with the small talk and humble bragging you would think we were at some kind of networking event. Whoever was in charge of getting rations didnt buy a single drop of alcohol with our dues, but they somehow managed to purchase like 15 huge boxes of prewashed salad greens. That's like 8 salads per person! With what people brought, there's 25 beers and 2 bottles of wine floating around 20 bodies.
I'm crunching numbers and navigating the field: you got your garden variety corporate peons, you got your narcissistic yoga people judging you on your looks AND your spirit, you got your awkward engineer types just desperately trying to fit in, you got your snobby environmental scientists, you got that one guy that wont shut the fuck up about his transformative world travels, and of course, you got the Hollywood wannabe dudes that think they're better than everyone because they've worked with a couple celebrities. It was the most glorious group of young professionals I'd ever seen, and not a single one of them would spare me a drink.
Saturday morning rolls around, and we're organizing carpools. Turns out, I'm the only one that's actually stoked on skiing. This whole time, everyone was seriously planning on sitting around in the cabin and working remotely over the weekend. I guess I wasn't really surprised, cause that's just what young professionals do. Transformative World Travel guy is willing to give it a shot, but he thinks he's sticking with me all day for a free lesson. Oh fuck no, buddy, you're getting ditched at the rental shop. Should've grabbed my number before we lost each other in the chaos bro.
It's almost Easter Weekend, and I'm wearing my wacky pink and green flannel sportcoat with one of those FlairHair visor caps that make you look like Guy Fieri. Tasteful Springtime attire if you ask me, but this ain't Colorado, and they don't really do that kind of shit at Kirkwood. I'm literally the only one dressed up at the resort, and for some reason, people keep asking me if I go to Burning Man.
Skiing Sierra Cement for the first time was a truly remarkable experience. I had full clarity in my mind and soul. What this cabin trip situation needed was more liquor and titties. World Travel Guy and I walk through the door waving around a couple 30 racks of Keystone Ice and hollerin, "Who's getting naked in the hot tub?!"
You know guys, I've got a simple MO for this life: ski, skate, fuck, and cook. To my delight, nobody had started prepping dinner yet. Now's my opportunity to make some allies and win these young professionals over. Grass fed bison burgers? I knock that softball outta the park, and for a brief beautiful moment, everyone's catching my mellow.
Little later, I'm doing the dishes, working the crowd, and one of the Hollywood dudes sets me up perfectly for my favorite comedic bit: "Oh yeah, you know Boulder is totally super cool and intentional. I've got a theory about that. What if these GMOs everyone keeps talking about are actually what's keeping us all sane? Up in Boulder, everyone strictly eats organic, and it makes them want to do coffee enema reiki cleanses on themselves."
Lord have mercy, one of the environmentalists overheard and got steaming triggered. She whipped out her Do You Know Who the Fuck I Am Card and lo and behold, this chicka is running for local office on a platform of putting warning labels on GMO foods. Half the room is volunteering for her campaign, and I am so fucked.
She's yelling and crying that my joke is discriminatory towards organitarians. Seriously? I told her that this whole gender identity thing was getting out of hand, but there's no reasoning with her.
At this point, we've reached peak California outrage. She threw a shit fit for hours, and the whole night got weird for everyone.
It's Sunday morning, and the only person still talking to me is World Travel Guy. Makes sense because the young professionals just kinda grouped the two of us together because we're both Asian. Well, and we went halves on those racks and had a ton of leftover beer. I hooked him up with a half day lesson at Sugar Bowl, and he hooked me up with a ride back down to Santa Cruz. Homeboy is chill asf and takes me surfing that same evening. We actually still keep in touch, and last I heard, he just got his AAIRE 1 and is taking backcountry trips with his new Silicon Valley Adventures Facebook Group.
So yeah people, if you're thinking about crashing a random ski trip, all I can advise is, "Send it brah."
**This thread was edited on Dec 5th 2019 at 1:53:58pm
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