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Your teacher seems to have absolutely no idea what constitutes proper essay structure, grammar, or content. Grade inflation much? Perhaps because she is young and only recently graduated school she is insecure and just passing out As?
I looked at your essay again and am absolutely appalled that this is passing work in our school system. There is no structure, the voice shifts, grammar and capitalization went completely to Hell...it's really, really bad. I marked it up for you. If you are actually interested I'll send you my graded version with the full comments. You certainly need to learn somewhere and apparently your school is not the place.
Holy balls. I was all ready to defend you and say that people need to keep it in perspective because you are just a kid, but then I saw that you are in 11th grade. If I wrote this for my 11th grade English class I would have gotten an F. Go back to the original thread and read my free advice from a former junior high English teacher. Apparently you won't need that advice to pass this class, but you might need to it to actually learn how to write.
