Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post.
Register to become a member today!
How do i tell my friends that my dad has cancer
I very recently found out my dad probably has cancer. Doctors are pretty confident that he has it in his kidney but, they're also confident he'll survive. Still scary as all hell and I've been pretty upset the past couple of days. My dad is one of the best people you'll ever meet and I consider myself extremely lucky to have been raised by him.
It's pretty fresh, I haven't told anyone besides my girlfriend because I don't know how to break it to them without being awkward and killing their mood. But I definitely need to tell them because they're gonna notice a difference in my moods and I'll be spending a lot of more of my free time with him in the future.
Should I just wait for them to individually ask "what's going on?"
Should I send out a group text to the handful of friends that truly need to know?
Should I just casually drop it into the next conversation that I have with each of them?
Help me out NS. For real, this time. I'm sure some of you have unfortunately been, or currently are, in similar situations.
Sorry to hear about your dad, that seems really rough to have to go through. If it was up to me, I would send a text in a group chat telling everyone about the situation. Whenever I have shit going on in my life that I want to tell people, I just text all my friends and tell them what's going on. Good luck
If you don't want to deal with it face to face, just text your close friends. I've had friends in this kind of situation tell me to tell other people about his family member, allows them to avoid talking about it/interacting with people about it and then when he sees more people in the future they already know. This is one of many ways to deal with it, just do what feels right, talking to your close friends will make you feel better.
I think you need to think about what you want from your friends. They will be there to support you.
Do you want to talk about this and explain it to each person? Wait until you see your friends
Do you want to skip the explanation and collect condolences? Send out that text
Do you want to be left alone? Don't say anything, they will find out eventually and they will say a few things
I'm really sorry about your dad! I'm sure he'll get well, just don't stress about it too much.
My mother had stage four cancer and died 2 years ago. I know how you feel.
When I first heard, I didn't tell any friends, only my closest 2 friends and my dad told a few family friends. I told them in person too.
Only after she died I announced it publicly.
I'm sorry to hear that man. I don't need to tell you this but one of your big jobs now is to keep your dad in good spirits; it can make a huge difference
as for how to tell your friends, as others have said i think it depends how you want them to react. they'll probably follow your lead on how it's brought up and discussed. personally i don't think a group text would be inappropriate, and it would eliminate any awkwardness that could arise from deciding when and how to tell people. speaking from similar experience, i think you'll be really comforted by how people will have your back
i wish you the best and just in case it's ever of interest to you, i'd be happy to listen if you need to vent to someone you don't know
Make a thread on NS!
seiously tho vibes mang. Mom’s been through it a couple times now and it’s scary shit.
Just tell your Dad you love him. Tell your close friends too so they can give your Dad some kind words as well
Well... I think the short answer is group chat the friends you want to tell and deal with it all at once. At little background is probably in order.
I was diagnosed with cancer 12 years ago. I debated telling my wife but seeing how the doctor said I would be in surgery in one hour and my wife was expecting me back from a routine checkup soon, I didn't see that I really had much choice but to tell her. I next debated telling my two children (ages 10 and 5). Tell them and cause the to deal with the possibility that dad might not always be here or don't tell them and have them say they wished they had know so they could have spent more quality time with me. I decided they need to know and we would deal with it as a family.
Shortly thereafter, my daughter asked me if she could tell her friends. My first thought was no, I don't want others to be burdened by my diagnosis. I quickly realized that just as I needed my family to get through whatever I was going to go through, she too would need a support group of like minded people; her friends. It was important that my daughter have an outlet for what she would be going through and as a result, she was so much better equipped to be there for me.
Your dad will be on an emotional roller coaster as he contemplates his family's future. As he goes so will you. He will have good days and bad. You will likewise have good days and bad. He will need his family for support. You will need those close to you for support. Your dad was diagnosed with cancer. You will now live with the fact that you have a close family member that was diagnosed with cancer. From this point on your lives will never be the same. Your dad now understands that it is truly a blessing to get up every morning. Check the papers, not everyone did today. You now get that having a father is truly a blessing not to be taken for granted. Some children grow up without one. For the rest of your dad's life he will be looking over his shoulder wondering if that ache or pain is the cancer coming back. When he does, you will begin the journey anew. I get aprehinsive when I feel that certain ache or pain that I can't explain. At the same time, I appreciate having the reminder that there are no guarantees in life. As such, I appreciate life so much more.
Telling your friends at the same time will spare you the anguish of reliving the experience over and over. It will also allow you to deal with it in an even emotional state. That way you won't be telling one friend when you and your dad are having a good day and another friend on a day that is less so. Your friends will undoubtably have questions. A group discussion with your friends will be far more productive and create a stronger support group as they will all be in the loop to the same degree, each supporting the other. Your friends will now be dealing with a friend whose dad was diagnosed with cancer; and on it goes...
In closing, I hope that you find something here that helps you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you take this journey. Godspeed. I still have my dad. He's 86 and I'm not even close to thinking about losing him.
Thanks so much for the support & advice, everyone! For now, I'm gonna wait until we know more about what we're dealing with before I tell anyone else. We know that he needs to get his kidney removed but I don't think will know for sure how serious this is until that happens. When the time is right though I'll send out a group text to a handful of close friends and they'll probably gossip about it to everyone else.
I know we all rip on each other pretty regularly but I truly value this community a ton!
All times are Eastern (-5)