Member of the Month

PartyBullshiit
March, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Nutty Ass Holiday Jerrypalooza stories

profile picture
g_lectrolyte
Posts: 185 - Karma: 1,348
Mountains across the USA and elsewhere are swamped with gapes from every corner of the globe for their annual holiday mass ski migration. As cool as it is that these people are getting stoked and pumping money into the sport, some of them are total jackwagons and the lift line wait times are super wack. Anyone wanna spin some yarns about what the madness is like at their local hill?

I saw a rad dad at Loveland screaming at the lifty from a good distance about how he needs to do his job better because the maze was “TOTALLY OUT OF HAND” and “WHY CANT THIS LIFT GO FASTER”

Also a girl dangling off a triple chair had to be rescued
Dec 29 2017 9:48PM
32 0
profile picture
mthoodshredder
Posts: 85 - Karma: 146
Today at Bachelor no joke 35 people on rental skis come through the park at least 10 of them chrashed and layed there, went off all the "jumps" without hitting any of the features, stood in the landing of the everything for at least 5 mins then a family of 4 stood at the base of a jump taking pictures for a while, what a clusterfuck, when my buddy asked them to move nicely the dad told us to fuck off snd wait for them to get ready to go, what a clusterfuck
Dec 29 2017 10:10PM
17 0
profile picture
Jdunn3
Posts: 145 - Karma: 272
Went up to lutsen mn and holy gape. 95 percent of the people skiing were on rentals. I swear a five minute lift ride takes about 15 Bc people can’t use lifts. I also saw about 5 people fall off lifts right after getting on.
Dec 29 2017 10:26PM
5 0
profile picture
peterspringer10
Posts: 153 - Karma: 439
The day after Christmas my friends and I watched 17 people of all ages eat shit in the lodge on the slippery floor just during a 45 min lunch break. Then again, this is pretty common to see and it makes a very entertaining lunch but usually it's only a couple people.
Dec 29 2017 10:28PM
1 0
profile picture
fries
Posts: 2978 - Karma: 7,515


This. Just this.
Dec 29 2017 10:33PM
21 0
profile picture
highpeak
Posts: 426 - Karma: 2,209
My friend and I threw his gingerbread house off the lift. made sure we didnt hit anybody but people were so confused in the liftline lmao
Dec 29 2017 10:48PM
17 1
profile picture
Scoops1415
Posts: 128 - Karma: 519
Was getting on a quad where u wait for gates to open and u slide onto a magic carpet thing, dad and his daughter are too slow getting through the gate, he pushed his daughter down whilst trying to get speed, and then gets hip checked by the lift and falls, then after 5 minutes they got settled in the chair next to us and then when we got off at the top both the daughter and the dad collapsed off the lift 2 feet after getting off
Dec 29 2017 10:52PM
10 0
profile picture
gorilas
Posts: 121 - Karma: 343
Some dude with rentals was yelling to his daughter in the huge lift line asking where his poles were. She was yelling back that they were near his skis and everyone in the line was listening to them trying to find the poles
Dec 29 2017 10:56PM
3 0
profile picture
fries
Posts: 2978 - Karma: 7,515
Hahaha I had this idea the other day. Someone should go in the singles line and ride with some random group.. whip out a speaker and start some super awkward chairlift kareoke.. bonus points if it's only one other person
Dec 29 2017 11:01PM
28 0
profile picture
highpeak
Posts: 426 - Karma: 2,209
J_SHahaha I had this idea the other day. Someone should go in the singles line and ride with some random group.. whip out a speaker and start some super awkward chairlift kareoke.. bonus points if it's only one other person


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTkWOdmsUe8
Dec 29 2017 11:10PM
11 0
profile picture
Fuckthefuckoff
Posts: 651 - Karma: 893
i really like to piss off the "all American" type of families that come fly in from the east coast with their wife and two kids. i think i have ruined a few christmases for sure. me and my degenerate homies love to hotbox the gondola when families r in it with us, i love smoking pot on the lift when there are families and children on it. i also like cracking open a nice "adult soda" on a chairlift infront of a guys wife and kids. good stuff
Dec 29 2017 11:23PM
11 46
profile picture
fries
Posts: 2978 - Karma: 7,515
highpeakhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTkWOdmsUe8


Ehh I was thinking more like Taylor swift or something but that works
Dec 29 2017 11:39PM
4 0
profile picture
freewillie
Posts: 429 - Karma: 3,321
broccoliraabei really like to piss off the "all American" type of families that come fly in from the east coast with their wife and two kids. i think i have ruined a few christmases for sure. me and my degenerate homies love to hotbox the gondola when families r in it with us, i love smoking pot on the lift when there are families and children on it. i also like cracking open a nice "adult soda" on a chairlift infront of a guys wife and kids. good stuff


Dude I bet they think you are really hood n stuff!
Dec 30 2017 12:25AM
44 1
profile picture
Segsxi
Posts: 457 - Karma: 1,674
During this season I only ski nights since they all seem to disappear for night skiing, however about a week ago at Tline I was working on my bindings at the screwdriver area and this lady was screaming at her kids because her kids can rip and she was struggling. She told them she didn't even want to be there and that they were going to leave immediately. Poor little mogul busters day went from 100-0 all because their mom wasn't having a good time. I should have just went and gave her the pipe, teach her how to ski.
Dec 30 2017 12:28AM
14 0
profile picture
Cade2
Posts: 2124 - Karma: 2,704
broccoliraabei really like to piss off the "all American" type of families that come fly in from the east coast with their wife and two kids. i think i have ruined a few christmases for sure. me and my degenerate homies love to hotbox the gondola when families r in it with us, i love smoking pot on the lift when there are families and children on it. i also like cracking open a nice "adult soda" on a chairlift infront of a guys wife and kids. good stuff


I'm sure u do all of that stuff.....
Dec 30 2017 3:14AM
17 1
profile picture
theabortionator
Posts: 51260 - Karma: 157,383
Rental ski Jerry meets rope line or terrain park exit fence. Call in the next 10 days and get ALL DAY ACCESS to this gem of a production at NO EXTRA COST!!! (Terms and conditions may apply. Some jerry's were hurt in the making of this film. Does not included taxes lift ticket and lift beers. Offer only valid through this Holiday break)

What do you do when you see a rope or a fence? Go really fast, out of control, panic, an fucking send errr!
Dec 30 2017 4:15AM
10 0
profile picture
Limitanie
Posts: 19 - Karma: 86
Was skiing Copper and some jagaloon came hauling ass down the mountain with their legs spread farther apart than I even thought possible and clipped me. I didn't eat shit but the kid did and then the kid's dad proceeded to yell at me about how "I'm an asshole and need to be more careful and he's lucky that he didn't beat my ass" I of course was laughing the whole time because the kid was just sobbing after clipping me.
Dec 30 2017 10:29AM
15 0
profile picture
g_lectrolyte
Posts: 185 - Karma: 1,348
J_S


This. Just this.

Holy crud where is this?
Dec 30 2017 10:48AM
2 0
profile picture
1spliff2guinnies
Posts: 507 - Karma: 1,357
Oooh yes this is my kind of thread!!! I'm a Whistle r Blackcomb liftie and I have seen Jerry's do everything under the sun. We fondly nickname the Jersey Cream express the Jerry Cream for this reason.

Here goes:

People sucked under the chair on both upload and offload ramps.

People riding off the ramp into the dish area.

People jumping off the lift into the dish area to get a pole.

People stopping in the middle of the ramp to check their phone and getting fucked by the chair.

4 rental boarders getting tangled up on the offload ramp and making me stop the lift. (Which pisses me off)

People hooking poles on the safety bar and then getting pulled forwards and eating shit on the ramp

Families mainly not deciding to go together in the gates and do a mad dash to get on the chair and eating shit.

People slamming into slow banners and eating shit (and any safety ropes in general)

People eating shit in the maze cause they are going too fast.

People getting taken out by fixed grip chairs cause they stop on the offload ramp.

And many many many more cases of Jerry's eating shit in a variety of ways that make you question your sanity.
Dec 30 2017 12:24PM
11 0
profile picture
Segsxi
Posts: 457 - Karma: 1,674
You know what else sucks is that it’s usually the Jerry families that leave their kids to wander. I once had to watch after a little kid for 3 hours in the ski patrol building all because mom and dad wanted to go ski and drink in the bar. Poor little guy started crying, me not being good with kids tried to tell him it was ight but deep down I was ready to just take him to go find his douchebag parents. I also see little kids wandering aimlessly around the parking lot, and inside the buildings, where are their parents? Probably eating shit at the offload ramp, sitting in the middle of the hill, or getting recked in the bar. Smh
Dec 30 2017 1:42PM
11 0
profile picture
JohnJonsz
Posts: 317 - Karma: 871
Asians smoking cigs in the tramline and gondi line at jhmr this week gave me a chuckle. I told them to wait until they were on the gondola like adults and they ignored me.

broccoliraabei really like to piss off the "all American" type of families that come fly in from the east coast with their wife and two kids. i think i have ruined a few christmases for sure. me and my degenerate homies love to hotbox the gondola when families r in it with us, i love smoking pot on the lift when there are families and children on it. i also like cracking open a nice "adult soda" on a chairlift infront of a guys wife and kids. good stuff


doesn't matter if you're trolling or 15 y/o or just an idiot kys

but really it should go without saying that you shouldn't smoke in front of kids unless their mom is hot and you ask first

**This post was edited on Jan 2nd 2018 at 8:24:07pm
Dec 30 2017 3:14PM
14 0
profile picture
fries
Posts: 2978 - Karma: 7,515
The referenced post has been removed.


Whitefish. Normally super empty. But as soon as Christmas passes it turns into breckenridge.
Dec 30 2017 4:02PM
1 0
profile picture
fries
Posts: 2978 - Karma: 7,515
g_lectrolyteHoly crud where is this?


J_SWhitefish. Normally super empty. But as soon as Christmas passes it turns into breckenridge.


Whoops meant to quote you.
Dec 30 2017 4:03PM
1 0
profile picture
JoeC92
Posts: 516 - Karma: 1,299
broccoliraabei really like to piss off the "all American" type of families that come fly in from the east coast with their wife and two kids. i think i have ruined a few christmases for sure. me and my degenerate homies love to hotbox the gondola when families r in it with us, i love smoking pot on the lift when there are families and children on it. i also like cracking open a nice "adult soda" on a chairlift infront of a guys wife and kids. good stuff


Nothing like shooting up some black tar heroin in front of a family of 6 !!11!!
Dec 31 2017 2:30AM
15 0
profile picture
JTTrembles
Posts: 1108 - Karma: 1,906
While taking park laps in my moderately sized tall T I had a grown man on rentals behind me say to his wife "this guy thinks he's black or something."
Dec 31 2017 1:53PM
31 0
profile picture
JTTrembles
Posts: 1108 - Karma: 1,906
And basically the entire city of Hong Kong is at jay peak right now
Dec 31 2017 1:55PM
18 0
profile picture
Bondy
Posts: 277 - Karma: 470
You guys think you have it bad? Come to whistler. Ive seen it all from people wearing full on riot suits to having the entire fucking population of chengdu at the hill to having a family literally having a fucking picnic on the lip of the XL no lie.
Dec 31 2017 5:54PM
12 0
profile picture
EscapeTheGape
Posts: 73 - Karma: 122
mthoodshredderToday at Bachelor no joke 35 people on rental skis come through the park at least 10 of them chrashed and layed there, went off all the "jumps" without hitting any of the features, stood in the landing of the everything for at least 5 mins then a family of 4 stood at the base of a jump taking pictures for a while, what a clusterfuck, when my buddy asked them to move nicely the dad told us to fuck off snd wait for them to get ready to go, what a clusterfuck
Some twat tried that with me this weekend. I ended up landing on his sons head.
Jan 2 2018 8:18PM
4 0
profile picture
search4freshies
Posts: 358 - Karma: 1,335
Went into town this week to grab a burger on wednesday night, mind you "town" is 35 mins from the ski hill and it's 8pm (lifts close at 5). The place was packed with hella gapers, all wearing Columbia snow pants, a 5000 cou t down puffy, and either wicked tall snow boots or uggs.

It was 55° that day.
Jan 2 2018 9:02PM
7 0
profile picture
Cade2
Posts: 2124 - Karma: 2,704
search4freshiesWent into town this week to grab a burger on wednesday night, mind you "town" is 35 mins from the ski hill and it's 8pm (lifts close at 5). The place was packed with hella gapers, all wearing Columbia snow pants, a 5000 cou t down puffy, and either wicked tall snow boots or uggs.

It was 55° that day.


What's wrong with Columbia?
Jan 2 2018 9:11PM
8 0
profile picture
Bassin
Posts: 273 - Karma: 746
Watching all the tourons yardsale in the xmas powder at abasin on 85mm rental skis was a Christmas present all in itself.
Jan 2 2018 9:35PM
12 0
profile picture
EscapeTheGape
Posts: 73 - Karma: 122
BassinWatching all the tourons yardsale in the xmas powder at abasin on 85mm rental skis was a Christmas present all in itself.

spat out my drink
Jan 2 2018 9:38PM
4 0
profile picture
search4freshies
Posts: 358 - Karma: 1,335
CadeRWhat's wrong with Columbia?

"Texans had no idea what Gore-Tex was until Columbia started putting it in their jackets. Now, Texans are warm and toasty with the exception of their frozen feet that are being strangled by three pairs of cotton socks stuffed into their ski boots." - unofficial networks

http://unofficialnetworks.com/2017/06/18/what-your-outerwear-brand-says-about-you-as-a-person-ski-stereotypes-part-3/
Jan 3 2018 9:50AM
7 0
profile picture
JoeC92
Posts: 516 - Karma: 1,299
JakeBondyYou guys think you have it bad? Come to whistler. Ive seen it all from people wearing full on riot suits to having the entire fucking population of chengdu at the hill to having a family literally having a fucking picnic on the lip of the XL no lie.


No way. Are you actually telling me some asians setup an actual fucking picnic there?
Jan 3 2018 1:15PM
8 0
profile picture
Bondy
Posts: 277 - Karma: 470
JoeC92No way. Are you actually telling me some asians setup an actual fucking picnic there?


no fucking lie buddy this was literally chilling on the lip and when park patrol came the dad flipped out. Im not suprised though being vail bought whistler im sure that attracts all sorts of retards
Jan 3 2018 3:24PM
1 0
profile picture
evanball
Posts: 254 - Karma: 1,384
Full asain families on rentals who rip through the park but only hit the lips for rails.
Jan 3 2018 8:07PM
2 0
profile picture
ahill
Posts: 75 - Karma: 565
Saw a guy click into his rentals. Backwards. Like toe in heel piece. Inside. Then proceeded to waddle out onto the snow.

Saw a guy eat shit HARD with a textbook yard sale, full double ejection and his rental brakes did not deploy, and both skis slid perfectly down to the lift line
Jan 3 2018 10:05PM
6 0
profile picture
HypeBeast
Posts: 9774 - Karma: 72,211
CadeRWhat's wrong with Columbia?


He should have said Spyder. Would have made the story better. Columbia is now the cheap stuff they sell at Kohls
Jan 3 2018 10:21PM
5 0
profile picture
HypeBeast
Posts: 9774 - Karma: 72,211
JTTremblesWhile taking park laps in my moderately sized tall T I had a grown man on rentals behind me say to his wife "this guy thinks he's black or something."


What a shmutz. Tall Ts are obviously for aerodynamics and making you a better park skier.
Jan 3 2018 10:25PM
5 0
profile picture
lauraobermeyer
Posts: 578 - Karma: 11,482
I was coming down a main run and passed a woman doing her best impression of a wedge turn behind her instructor. Completely white kit, fur and rhinestones everywhere, black and gold uvex helmet. I didn't think it could get any better, until I saw her instructor carrying her Louis Vuitton purse for her as they skied.
Aspen never seems to disappoint.
Jan 3 2018 10:43PM
16 0
profile picture
JohnJonsz
Posts: 317 - Karma: 871
lauraobermeyerI was coming down a main run and passed a woman doing her best impression of a wedge turn behind her instructor. Completely white kit, fur and rhinestones everywhere, black and gold uvex helmet. I didn't think it could get any better, until I saw her instructor carrying her Louis Vuitton purse for her as they skied.
Aspen never seems to disappoint.


WHAT this is what I came into this thread to read. I didn't believe you til you said it you're in a little place called aspen
Jan 3 2018 10:52PM
11 0
profile picture
Ski76
Posts: 113 - Karma: 223
Was skiing at alpine valley in -15 and this jerry comes up the lift with rentals helmet no goggles nothing on his face. Massive windburn on his face and his eyes squinting at the jumps. Goes hits the smallest jump with way to much speed and goes flying with arms and legs wailing. Took him 20 min to get out of jumps way
Jan 4 2018 11:21AM
8 0
profile picture
Andbrer
Posts: 53 - Karma: 526
lauraobermeyerI was coming down a main run and passed a woman doing her best impression of a wedge turn behind her instructor. Completely white kit, fur and rhinestones everywhere, black and gold uvex helmet. I didn't think it could get any better, until I saw her instructor carrying her Louis Vuitton purse for her as they skied.
Aspen never seems to disappoint.


sounds like courcheval when the Russian billionaires helicopter in to the on mountain airport
Jan 4 2018 9:04PM
2 0
profile picture
Thisismyusethegw
Posts: 90 - Karma: 257
At Loveland two days ago and waiting in lift line with a buddy and I was riding my old and battered 2015 Bent Chetler’s and a guy riding rentals and jeans behind me asked, “are those real wood?”, in a non-joking manner.
Jan 4 2018 10:01PM
3 0
profile picture
Slunky
Posts: 689 - Karma: 2,319
GRaboneSnowOooh yes this is my kind of thread!!! I'm a Whistle r Blackcomb liftie and I have seen Jerry's do everything under the sun. We fondly nickname the Jersey Cream express the Jerry Cream for this reason.

Here goes:

People sucked under the chair on both upload and offload ramps.

People riding off the ramp into the dish area.

People jumping off the lift into the dish area to get a pole.

People stopping in the middle of the ramp to check their phone and getting fucked by the chair.

4 rental boarders getting tangled up on the offload ramp and making me stop the lift. (Which pisses me off)

People hooking poles on the safety bar and then getting pulled forwards and eating shit on the ramp

Families mainly not deciding to go together in the gates and do a mad dash to get on the chair and eating shit.

People slamming into slow banners and eating shit (and any safety ropes in general)

People eating shit in the maze cause they are going too fast.

People getting taken out by fixed grip chairs cause they stop on the offload ramp.

And many many many more cases of Jerry's eating shit in a variety of ways that make you question your sanity.


yo whats your last name lol
Jan 4 2018 10:14PM
1 0
profile picture
Slunky
Posts: 689 - Karma: 2,319
had to work the peak2peak at whistler on christmas.

the amount of people that don't understand that the giant building labeled peak2peak is the fucking peak2peak is astounding. also a surprising amount of people don't even realize that the peak2peak is a gondola. people also don't realize that they cant have their own private cabin for 3 of them on christmas day
Jan 4 2018 10:18PM
8 0
profile picture
Bondy
Posts: 277 - Karma: 470
Slunkyhad to work the peak2peak at whistler on christmas.

the amount of people that don't understand that the giant building labeled peak2peak is the fucking peak2peak is astounding. also a surprising amount of people don't even realize that the peak2peak is a gondola. people also don't realize that they cant have their own private cabin for 3 of them on christmas day

Finally someone else from whis, these people dont even know how bad it gets even worse now that vail bought whistler
Jan 4 2018 11:56PM
1 0
profile picture
Slunky
Posts: 689 - Karma: 2,319
JakeBondyFinally someone else from whis, these people dont even know how bad it gets even worse now that vail bought whistler


Yeah this shits goofy now

**This post was edited on Jan 4th 2018 at 11:58:53pm
Jan 4 2018 11:58PM
0 0
profile picture
Volkswagen
Posts: 21 - Karma: 93
I was riding the lift on New Years Eve and I saw some guy wipeout in jerry fashion, and yell "I fucking hate this sport''.

**This post was edited on Jan 7th 2018 at 3:09:52am
Jan 7 2018 3:09AM
6 0
profile picture
_IRRELEVANT_
Posts: 944 - Karma: 4,423
Had my skis and stuff setup while I was raking a jump and apparently a Asian jerry and her son decided it would be a great idea to go around my stuff and almost plow me over
Dec 27 2021 8:44PM
1 1
All times are Eastern (-4)