Member of the Month

PartyBullshiit
March, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Funny Short Jokes

profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
I will start...
How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-4, 1 to hold the bulb and 3 to drink until the room starts spinning

... keep em coming

Strike 3
Feb 7 2005 11:58PM
0 0
profile picture
Ice-Is-Scary
Posts: 0 - Karma: 87
1+3 does not = -4


We pay our debt sometimes.
Feb 7 2005 11:59PM
0 0
profile picture
monkeysteez
Posts: 2655 - Karma: 99
yo momma so bald............when she wears a turtleneck, it looks like a busted rubber.

'Split ends, out until I can get more Pantine Pro-V.'
-skiierman talking about his season ending injury

Handrails Cult Check it out!
Feb 8 2005 12:02AM
0 0
profile picture
Ski-hobo
Posts: 7121 - Karma: 15
Whats the only good thing about an Irish funeral?

One less drunk to worry about.


-------------------
Feb 8 2005 12:04AM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
hahaha

Strike 3
Feb 8 2005 12:07AM
0 0
profile picture
monkeysteez
Posts: 2655 - Karma: 99
You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling “Come look before I flush it!�

'Split ends, out until I can get more Pantine Pro-V.'
-skiierman talking about his season ending injury

Handrails Cult Check it out!
Feb 8 2005 12:07AM
0 0
profile picture
monkeysteez
Posts: 2655 - Karma: 99
A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''
The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''

The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''

oh god these are great.

'Split ends, out until I can get more Pantine Pro-V.'
-skiierman talking about his season ending injury

Handrails Cult Check it out!
Feb 8 2005 12:08AM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
hahahahahahaha ur killing me. This is great material for school tomorrow

Strike 3
Feb 8 2005 12:09AM
0 0
profile picture
monkeysteez
Posts: 2655 - Karma: 99
Yo mamma's like a squirrel, she always
has nuts in her mouth.

'Split ends, out until I can get more Pantine Pro-V.'
-skiierman talking about his season ending injury

Handrails Cult Check it out!
Feb 8 2005 12:10AM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
this one should get some responses...

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?

Give the bitch a shovel...

Strike 3
Feb 8 2005 12:11AM
0 0
profile picture
Ski-hobo
Posts: 7121 - Karma: 15
^and you were on a roll until that


-------------------
Feb 8 2005 12:12AM
0 0
profile picture
monkeysteez
Posts: 2655 - Karma: 99
SORRY I COULDN'T HELP IT!!!!


'Split ends, out until I can get more Pantine Pro-V.'
-skiierman talking about his season ending injury

Handrails Cult Check it out!
Feb 8 2005 12:12AM
0 0
profile picture
Ski-hobo
Posts: 7121 - Karma: 15
i was talking to monkey steeze


-------------------
Feb 8 2005 12:12AM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
oh man if that is real, haha wow

Strike 3
Feb 8 2005 12:13AM
0 0
profile picture
BrandonCool
Posts: 518 - Karma: 10
Whats the difference between a blode and a dishwasher???

The dishwasher dosent follow u around after you put a load in it
S.W.E.D 420
Feb 8 2005 12:41AM
0 0
profile picture
k2yeags
Posts: 2320 - Karma: 27
hahaha
- - - - - - - - - -

boom
Feb 8 2005 1:29AM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
haha wow that is rich

Strike 3
Feb 8 2005 12:13PM
0 0
profile picture
Shaggy
Posts: 4349 - Karma: 17
A guy walks out of a bar and is really wasted and he sees a nun. Out of the blue he just starts attacking her, pushing her on the ground, curb stomping her. After she's really gotten the shit kicked outta her the drunk guy says 'not so tough now are you Batman'

-Anthony
Feb 8 2005 12:18PM
0 0
profile picture
duhamelski
Posts: 3842 - Karma: 192
how do you kill a blond
put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool
Feb 8 2005 2:23PM
0 0
profile picture
chemicalski
Posts: 487 - Karma: 21
your mom is so slutty she wears underwear to keep her ankles warm


***************************************************

yes, five words indeed. MISSION FAILED, FAG.-mommy
Feb 8 2005 2:48PM
0 0
profile picture
Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,061
if I wanted a joke I'd follow you to the john and watch you take a leak...


- Harvιε



I ski therefore I am

Feb 8 2005 5:27PM
0 0
profile picture
hendrik.
Posts: 6715 - Karma: 267
If you think the national anthem ends with 'gentlemen, start your engines', you might be a redneck

yo momma's so stupid that when your dad said you were getting a color tv she asked 'what color?'
________________________________________



switchskier88: ive got a pretty bad ass wedge turn

i swear to drunk im not god.



1st member to call NS Radio contest, and first to fail miserably.
Feb 8 2005 7:08PM
0 0
profile picture
guddgulf17
Posts: 3037 - Karma: 10
womens rights i couldnt help it
Rubber Ducky steeze, awwwwww!

sorry boys, there was no pro hoeing-skibrdingbtch

However, they are little bitches that haven't even heard of metal edged skis or the clitoris-twintipteles

Mint Tea Addict
Feb 8 2005 7:48PM
0 0
profile picture
snowforblood
Posts: 1861 - Karma: 16
the fact that you called them 'short jokes' and not the correct term 'one-liners' is a joke in itself


--------------------------------------------------

'We've seen your future... and just like your sister, it sucks.'

Lets meet as little as we can.
Feb 8 2005 8:24PM
0 0
profile picture
1080ski
Posts: 4424 - Karma: 191
somebody put this on here before- the only smart thing that has come out of your mouth is einstines dick.
Member 15877
Feb 9 2005 1:33PM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
What is green and smells like pork?

-Kermit's fingers

Strike 3
Feb 9 2005 3:11PM
0 0
profile picture
duhamelski
Posts: 3842 - Karma: 192
u know ur a red neck if ur house has wheels and ur car doesnt.

ur mommas so slutty that i would be ur dad but the dog beat me up the stairs.
Feb 9 2005 3:36PM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
lol that reminds me of a monologue i heard once: 'my house got hit by a tornader!' 'hmmm dummy maybe you shouldn't live in tornado alley! It's not that hard to move, your house has wheels!'

Strike 3
Feb 10 2005 12:11AM
0 0
profile picture
SnowKristaL
Posts: 637 - Karma: 15
mintcrue you totally stole that from me!!!! check out the thread about women being the inferior sex...yea that's right. that joke is mine. sorry.


- - AlpineSurfBum: gonna clean the fish tank again? - -


Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Feb 10 2005 12:14AM
0 0
profile picture
SnowKristaL
Posts: 637 - Karma: 15
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?

Give the bitch a shovel...

is the joke i was referring to.

- - AlpineSurfBum: gonna clean the fish tank again? - -


Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Feb 10 2005 12:17AM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
what the shovel one? cuz i heard that from a friend's brother, but if u really want credit for it since it is 'YOUR joke' go for it...

Strike 3
Feb 10 2005 12:17AM
0 0
profile picture
SnowKristaL
Posts: 637 - Karma: 15
really??? wow i had never heard it before until my dad told me like 3 weeks ago. i guess it is a real joke. no no, you take credit. i didn't know anyone else knew it.

- - AlpineSurfBum: gonna clean the fish tank again? - -


Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Feb 10 2005 12:21AM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
what is all of this credit stuff? a joke is a joke no one owns it or ne thing

Strike 3
Feb 10 2005 12:22AM
0 0
profile picture
SnowKristaL
Posts: 637 - Karma: 15
ahahahaha i don't care dude i was joking. it is a very good joke however.

- - AlpineSurfBum: gonna clean the fish tank again? - -


Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Feb 10 2005 12:23AM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
lol i will agree with you there!

Strike 3
Feb 10 2005 12:27AM
0 0
profile picture
Drunkenmaster
Posts: 435 - Karma: 9
If I had a dog as ugly as you...I would shave his butt and make him walk backwards...



...

I swaped the Alps with the Middle of Wisconson can't wait till I can go back where I belong!
Feb 10 2005 1:02AM
0 0
profile picture
Parkboy
Posts: 2303 - Karma: 32
How many skiers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Nine. One to screw it in and 8 to say nice turns.
Feb 10 2005 1:18AM
0 0
profile picture
fahrvergcougar
Posts: 306 - Karma: 10
What does Snoop Dog use to clean his 'whites'??

B-L-E-O-T-C-H
*****************************************



**********

''I'm a MOG: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.''

''What's the matter Colonel Sanders, CHICKEN?!?!?!''
Feb 10 2005 1:28AM
0 0
profile picture
fahrvergcougar
Posts: 306 - Karma: 10
What does Snoop Dog use his Umbrella for?

fo drizzle
*****************************************



**********

''I'm a MOG: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.''

''What's the matter Colonel Sanders, CHICKEN?!?!?!''
Feb 10 2005 1:29AM
0 0
profile picture
fahrvergcougar
Posts: 306 - Karma: 10
Here is a sexest joke: What do you tell a woman with two blacks eyes???

Nothin, you already told her twice
*****************************************



**********

''I'm a MOG: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.''

''What's the matter Colonel Sanders, CHICKEN?!?!?!''
Feb 10 2005 1:37AM
0 0
profile picture
TwinTipWonder
Posts: 1078 - Karma: 10
Whys micheal jackson love 28 year olds?


-Cuz theres 20 of em.
>>> Matty
Feb 10 2005 2:08AM
0 0
profile picture
mintcrue
Posts: 1593 - Karma: 25
haha that is a good one...

Why did OJ Simpson move to the south?


-Because they all have the same DNA

Strike 3
Feb 10 2005 10:35PM
0 0
profile picture
mr.ski
Posts: 384 - Karma: 11
Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea

Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
A. Your ass kicked.








short skies suck !

You can't get hurt skiing until you fall
Feb 10 2005 10:38PM
0 0
profile picture
RudyGarmisch
Posts: 25443 - Karma: 13,844
Yo momma is so fat that when she walks into the Gap, she fills it!


So this rabbi and a priest are sitting in a boat and the rabbi turns to the priest and says 'This is the stupidest joke i've ever been in.'


Why is it so hard for girls to find a good looking, fashionable, sensitive, caring guy nowadays?
-Because those men already have boyfriends.


How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-10: 1 to do it, and 9 to say, 'I can do that'.


How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-2: 1 to hold the giraffe and 1 to put the clocks in the bathtub.

How many communists does it take to screw in a lighbulb?
-None. Why? Because the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

=================================
Rowen

'Aren't you Buzz Lightyear?'
*whispers* 'I love your movies!'
'URAAAAFWAAAGAAA!!!'
Feb 10 2005 11:52PM
0 0
profile picture
chuff
Posts: 8 - Karma: 10
What do you call 30 tractors driving around in a circle around a KFC in Iowa?

Prom night.
Mar 7 2005 10:59PM
0 0
profile picture
Ghst
Posts: 5820 - Karma: 10
ahahahha
////////////////
who the hell takes pictures of themselves with a camera phone?? those are made to sneak pics of girls tits and underwear-lateralis

[+] [+] [+]
Mar 7 2005 11:07PM
0 0
profile picture
scientist
Posts: 6920 - Karma: 347
your mommas like a big mac, $1.89 and you get hair in your meal. (made that one up)


machavok.com



Mar 7 2005 11:10PM
0 0
profile picture
Nico
Posts: 1194 - Karma: 10
how do you tell if a dumb blond has been in your car? theres a rubber over the stick shifter
Mar 8 2005 9:32AM
0 0
profile picture
Skipig25
Posts: 10729 - Karma: 256
Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart

He heard little boys pants were half off


Ski. Eat. Sex. Sleep. Ski.
What else is there?

'never tryed tele, it just looks gay...' Jess-001 (Feschies, better watch your back)
Mar 8 2005 2:45PM
0 0
profile picture
snowgirl
Posts: 35 - Karma: 10
What do you call a snowboarder with no girlfriend?

**homeless**
Mar 8 2005 2:47PM
0 0
profile picture
Frostfired
Posts: 3090 - Karma: 35
how are mcdonalds and michael jackson the same?
they both like to put thier meat beatween 5 year old buns




pretend you will give the guy head to give back your skis, he probably will accept, then once he whipps his cock out, steal it-SteezePatro

if you want to be a real gangster wear your ski boots to the dance. when he starts shit when youre face to face do a backflip and in your rotation kick him in the face with your boot. something in his face will break for sure. fights over.-seanPISTOL

or just walk away with his chick making him look like a complete jackass in front of a bunch of s
Mar 8 2005 4:50PM
0 0
All times are Eastern (-4)