Close the door, dim the lights, and get ready for the ride of a lifetime. Shit is about to get weird for whoever the lucky bastard is that end up scooping this coat. This thing is the definition of AfuckinMerican. I used to wear this when I was riding my bald eagle up the slopes cuz fuck a chairlift. All viewers be warned, this coat has side affects. It will cause you to get an incredible amount of women, it will make you better than Todd Walnuts, it will get you sponsored. Ever see that picture of Abraham Lincoln riding a bear while holding a machine gun? Well that's what you're about to turn into. You've been warned, this isn't for pussies, not for weak ass bitches who wait in lift lines, and definitely not for anybody who can't lip blind two.
Now you may be thinking to yourself "oh yeah man I totally fit the criteria I could rock this coat" but are you really sure you're ready? Ready for your cock to grow 10 inches, ready to grow more chest hair than a gorilla, ready to feel the urge to have the american flag tattooed on your forehead? You're gonna want to invest in a mask and snorkel so you don't drown between all the boobies you're gonna be motorboatin'. Comes with 2 free pairs of hand warmers and whatever other shit I can find laying around.