Hear me out.
The Rio olympics are looking like they are going to be a mess, right? The water is too polluted for sailing events. The Russians are being caught and banned for doping. There are attacks by gang members. Shit hasn't been finished. People are scared to go. Brazil is turning into an ashy barren wasteland of hate and destruction brought to you by NBC and Coca Cola on Sky Sports via Mastercard.
We're so sick of the events as it is. Who wants to see Bob Costas tell us how graceful another career gymnast is. Who wants to watch another inspirational story bit with dramatic music about a Home Depot employee who lifted enough wood and chainsaws at work to the point where they now compete with nobody (since again, Russia is out... and who else seriously cares about being that swoll but the Russians) in order to be an olympic athlete and get into a subway ad for representing their Country run by Hillnald Clinump.
What we need in this olympics is something new. Something fresh something that nobody's every tried before in the Olympics.
Again. Hear me out.
Skiing is in the olympics right? Yeah.. but in the winter olympics. Anybody who's been up at Windells all summer knows that when you get into those hot august months, it's nothing like skiing in February.
And that's where shit hits next level.
1. Build Solar Wind Reactors to power massive snowmaking machines. This might be difficult, but Stephen Hawking and Neil Degrasse Tyson are smart as fuck, so lets pay them some money to figure that shit out. Maybe get Japan to build a space elevator with some big ass solar panels at the top? Figure it out, world.
2. Take polluted water and freeze the fuck out of it. Creating not only snow, but also freezing the shitty garbage in place so it's not only easier to pick up, but you don't have to care about it as much because it's in an ice cube, so fuck it.
3. Make snow with that ice.
4. cover that big ass hill with Jesus on it with snow, and introduce people to the insanity that is fake pow skiing in Brazil during a gangfight.
Seriously. Who the FUCK would not want to watch that? It will be bigger than Pokemon Go. You could even charge pay per view so that you can say "fuck shit bitch whore" during the broadcast. Have it commentated by a beer-drunk Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Johnny Moseley with a nose literally full of cocaine.
Speaking of drugs, bring the russians back into the games, but FORCE them to dope... then put them on skis without training or anything and send them down the hill. If they crash and burn? Sweet. If they do well? equally sweet. Win win for everybody.
It will be awesome, and everybody will love it, and it will not only save the olympics forever, but it might even scare FIS and the IOC so much that they retreat back to the shitty hole they came out of never to be seen or heard from again. They might even pull FIFA in with them... Thereby saving world sport forever.
Just a thought.
**This thread was edited on Aug 1st 2016 at 8:16:18am