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Critique my adventure edit

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Posts: 178 - Karma: 3,613
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Posts: 178 - Karma: 3,613
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Posts: 1286 - Karma: 3,787
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Posts: 178 - Karma: 3,613
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Posts: 178 - Karma: 3,613
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Posts: 2157 - Karma: 4,578
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