Yeah I know /rant threads are pretty cliche here, but who cares...
So as a senior in highschool, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I most likely have (sometimes) crippling social anxiety. Always have kinda known it, but never really wanted to acccept it or face it. I have always been the one to feel that "mental illnesses" are just cop outs to being a pussy (which is obviously not true). After an incident today I really have come to terms about how much it has had a effect on me.
Looking back, ever since I can remember, I have always been affected by it to some degree. Like I have always just brushed it off as being a bitch when I get insanly nervous and start shaking violently almost to the point of hyperventilating over something as simple as saying here during role call. It has gotten to the point before where I could hardly bring myself to walk into a class full of strangers due to irrational fear of being judged. I can recall conversations where it had gotten to the point where It seemed like I was speaking complete jibberish due to shaking shortness of breath.
The worst part about it is the avoidence. I have a tendancy too mull things over weeks in advance, figuring out how I can get out of them or what I should do refarding any social interaction I forsee. I recall many times where I have literally hidden out in a school bathroom pretending to take a 25 minute shit just to avoid beeing seen. Talking to new people and starting small talk is terrifying for me, resulting in awkward silence or garbaled sentences that make no sense riding the ski lift up the hill.
I have never been bullied teased or anything my whole life, yet still have an irrational fear of being judged by strangers, especially peers. I have a great group of friends, and seem like a pretty normal nice guy when around people I am comfortable with, but with even the slightest fear of being judged or looked at, I become a wreck. I begin to sweat, shake, the whole 9 yards.
I honestly dont really know where I was going with this, I am just fucking sick of all these irrational fears. Like I never have really adressed it to anyone, or myself for that matter so I guess I am kinda just venting at the moment.
I guess I was just wondering how many people on here have ever really experienced something similar, or what anyone has done about it?
Typed on mobile, sorry if its shit
TL;DR Op cant get his shit together when it comes to social interaction