So here is my coveted and much loved Chicken Fried steak recipe. It's one of the few things I do really well besides, underflips to faceplants.
Step 1: First kill a cow, it should be about as tall at the shoulders as Simon Dumont and will probably be some what hairy. Cut the cow into steaks and then pulverize them with a meat tenderizer.
Step 2: Locate a chicken (a hen usually works best) and proceed to squeeze it until something comes out, if it happens to be an egg good job, if not find another chicken and repeat.
Step 3: Drink beer
Step 4: Once you have your eggs and steaks, proceed to beat the eggs and pour them into a shallow pie dish. Then mix a few handfulls or cups, whichever you prefer, of flour with a heavy dose of paprika, ground pepper and lawry's seasoning salt.
Step 5 Heat a large cast iron skillet with about 1/4 of an inch of oil tell it is capable of giving you a 3rd degree burn.
Step 6: Drink more beer
Step 7: Coat the steaks with several layers of flour mixture and egg, if done correctly you should have made quite a mess by now
step 8 fry steaks tell when poked with a knife only a small amount of blood appears.
Step 9: Serve with beer and highfive yourself for being a badass cook.
Step 10: Find a dwarf and rub it on the head for good luck.
You are most welcome.