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Best ways you've fucked up talking to a hot stranger.
I was talking to what (seemed) to be a chyll azz chik, so i asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. I asked if she wanted to smoke sometime.
She entered a tirade about stoners and told me her fiance was a cop.
>walk into Gamestop
>ask for a copy of Atelier Totori
>"What?"
>spaghetti slowly drips from my pockets
>oh god not again
>face gets red
>"Please give me a copy of Atelier Totori right now."
>"I don't know what that is. What platform is it on?"
>struggling to contain my embarrassment
>clenching asscheeks together to hold in my shit
>meanwhile spaghetti is flowing out of my pockets
>voice reduced to a mumble
>"have money please alterlier toroti give money please game"
>"Are you ok?"
>shit breaches through my asscheeks
>propelled forward at 60mph
>crash through the Gamestop employee's counter
>he's holding on to me for dear life
>all the while spaghetti is flowing out of my pockets like fumes
>crash through the entire row of buildings in the strip mall, broken glass shards in my face
>yelling "ATELIER TOTORI PLEASE MONEY ATELIER GAMESTOP TOTORI"
>Gamestop employee is covered in shit and spaghetti
>my pocket rocket shows no signs of stopping
>he tilts me backwards
>the sheer force of my shit has reached 650mph, we are now propelling upwards
>the spaghetti and shit intertwines and falls down to earth in glorious yellow and brown streams as we head towards the stratosphere
>children below frolic in the mess falling from my anus
>the g-force is causing my asscheeks to flap vigorously and create a gale
>spaghetti and shit blowing through the air on the planet below
>3 miles upwards now
>Gamestop employee has died from lack of oxygen, his body falls to the surface below and is shredded by the force of my shit
>my transformation is almost complete
>as I leave the atmosphere my bear hands sprout and my tail grows, acting as a rudder
>steer myself across the cosmos with my gleaming shit and spaghetti trail
SFB>walk into Gamestop
>ask for a copy of Atelier Totori
>"What?"
>spaghetti slowly drips from my pockets
>oh god not again
>face gets red
>"Please give me a copy of Atelier Totori right now."
>"I don't know what that is. What platform is it on?"
>struggling to contain my embarrassment
>clenching asscheeks together to hold in my shit
>meanwhile spaghetti is flowing out of my pockets
>voice reduced to a mumble
>"have money please alterlier toroti give money please game"
>"Are you ok?"
>shit breaches through my asscheeks
>propelled forward at 60mph
>crash through the Gamestop employee's counter
>he's holding on to me for dear life
>all the while spaghetti is flowing out of my pockets like fumes
>crash through the entire row of buildings in the strip mall, broken glass shards in my face
>yelling "ATELIER TOTORI PLEASE MONEY ATELIER GAMESTOP TOTORI"
>Gamestop employee is covered in shit and spaghetti
>my pocket rocket shows no signs of stopping
>he tilts me backwards
>the sheer force of my shit has reached 650mph, we are now propelling upwards
>the spaghetti and shit intertwines and falls down to earth in glorious yellow and brown streams as we head towards the stratosphere
>children below frolic in the mess falling from my anus
>the g-force is causing my asscheeks to flap vigorously and create a gale
>spaghetti and shit blowing through the air on the planet below
>3 miles upwards now
>Gamestop employee has died from lack of oxygen, his body falls to the surface below and is shredded by the force of my shit
>my transformation is almost complete
>as I leave the atmosphere my bear hands sprout and my tail grows, acting as a rudder
>steer myself across the cosmos with my gleaming shit and spaghetti trail
Go out to bar with some friends, I'm ridin solo that night
Standing by the bar drinking my drink when a girl makes eye contact with me on the dance floor
Shes dancing, has 2 girl friends around her, keep looking over at me
I'm keep drinking, few mins later we lock eyes again
We continue to exchange looks, basically eye fucking at this point
I mouth to her, "wanna dance?"
She obviously doesn't understand so I throw up some hand signals
She walks over, I'm bout to dance with this hot brunette, fuck yea
She arrives in front of me, I ask to dance
She responds with, "No, I'm alright. I don't like the idea of a foreign penis all up on my ass"
Stunned, I don't even respond, who the fuck says that.
She turns to her friends, laughs they say "OMG you're so funny, that was great"
I turn back to the bar, continue drinking
theBearJewShe responds with, "No, I'm alright. I don't like the idea of a foreign penis all up on my ass"
Stunned, I don't even respond, who the fuck says that.
Yeah, I don't know what you say to that. That's pretty brutal.
SFB>walk into Gamestop
>ask for a copy of Atelier Totori
>"What?"
>spaghetti slowly drips from my pockets
>oh god not again
>face gets red
>"Please give me a copy of Atelier Totori right now."
>"I don't know what that is. What platform is it on?"
>struggling to contain my embarrassment
>clenching asscheeks together to hold in my shit
>meanwhile spaghetti is flowing out of my pockets
>voice reduced to a mumble
>"have money please alterlier toroti give money please game"
>"Are you ok?"
>shit breaches through my asscheeks
>propelled forward at 60mph
>crash through the Gamestop employee's counter
>he's holding on to me for dear life
>all the while spaghetti is flowing out of my pockets like fumes
>crash through the entire row of buildings in the strip mall, broken glass shards in my face
>yelling "ATELIER TOTORI PLEASE MONEY ATELIER GAMESTOP TOTORI"
>Gamestop employee is covered in shit and spaghetti
>my pocket rocket shows no signs of stopping
>he tilts me backwards
>the sheer force of my shit has reached 650mph, we are now propelling upwards
>the spaghetti and shit intertwines and falls down to earth in glorious yellow and brown streams as we head towards the stratosphere
>children below frolic in the mess falling from my anus
>the g-force is causing my asscheeks to flap vigorously and create a gale
>spaghetti and shit blowing through the air on the planet below
>3 miles upwards now
>Gamestop employee has died from lack of oxygen, his body falls to the surface below and is shredded by the force of my shit
>my transformation is almost complete
>as I leave the atmosphere my bear hands sprout and my tail grows, acting as a rudder
>steer myself across the cosmos with my gleaming shit and spaghetti trail
>I was at a bar trying to order a beer and I had just gotten the attention of the bartender
>Cute girl puts her hand on my arm and says "wow I love your shirt"
>I look at her and say "Thanks, I do too"
>I order my beer and walk away to rejoin my friends
I didn't even realize the mistake I had made until the next day haha
I saw a hot babe, guessing she was about 7, 8 years old? And i was super nervous to talk to her. I walked up to ask her if she likes stoners (cos i snoke mad ganja hard), my words slipped and i said "boners" instead.
her dad beat the shit out of me but it was worth it cos i banged her l8er
WampireI saw a hot babe, guessing she was about 7, 8 years old? And i was super nervous to talk to her. I walked up to ask her if she likes stoners (cos i snoke mad ganja hard), my words slipped and i said "boners" instead.
her dad beat the shit out of me but it was worth it cos i banged her l8er
I don't know if it was me or the guy who fucked up but here's my story:
Two years ago I was on the lift with this kid. He was wearing a saga hoodie, full tilts and I'm pretty sure line skis and he sounded pretty smart when it came to skiing. He was telling me about all his trips, his job at one of our local shops, and how he wanted to get into filming. He was super cool and then he started talking about Shawn White and I shit you not he thought Shawn White was a skier. I tried to correct him thinking he misspoke and I said that he was a snowboarder and the kid got extremely angry and started to scream at me. He said shawn was a skier and that he was the best out there. He called me an idiot, almost pushed me off the lift and then was telling me there's no place in skiing for dumb girls. He proceeded by taking my polls and throwing them off the lift...the lifty saw because we were about to get off and confronted him. The next day the same lifty was working and he recognized me and told me the guy went on a huge rage after and they called the cops and he got tased and arrested.
MinggI don't know if it was me or the guy who fucked up but here's my story:
Two years ago I was on the lift with this kid. He was wearing a saga hoodie, full tilts and I'm pretty sure line skis and he sounded pretty smart when it came to skiing. He was telling me about all his trips, his job at one of our local shops, and how he wanted to get into filming. He was super cool and then he started talking about Shawn White and I shit you not he thought Shawn White was a skier. I tried to correct him thinking he misspoke and I said that he was a snowboarder and the kid got extremely angry and started to scream at me. He said shawn was a skier and that he was the best out there. He called me an idiot, almost pushed me off the lift and then was telling me there's no place in skiing for dumb girls. He proceeded by taking my polls and throwing them off the lift...the lifty saw because we were about to get off and confronted him. The next day the same lifty was working and he recognized me and told me the guy went on a huge rage after and they called the cops and he got tased and arrested.
MinggI don't know if it was me or the guy who fucked up but here's my story:
Two years ago I was on the lift with this kid. He was wearing a saga hoodie, full tilts and I'm pretty sure line skis and he sounded pretty smart when it came to skiing. He was telling me about all his trips, his job at one of our local shops, and how he wanted to get into filming. He was super cool and then he started talking about Shawn White and I shit you not he thought Shawn White was a skier. I tried to correct him thinking he misspoke and I said that he was a snowboarder and the kid got extremely angry and started to scream at me. He said shawn was a skier and that he was the best out there. He called me an idiot, almost pushed me off the lift and then was telling me there's no place in skiing for dumb girls. He proceeded by taking my polls and throwing them off the lift...the lifty saw because we were about to get off and confronted him. The next day the same lifty was working and he recognized me and told me the guy went on a huge rage after and they called the cops and he got tased and arrested.
Decently drunk at bar. Dancing with super hot girl. I'm not too into the whole grinding thing but she was doing it oh so well and rubbing just right. Got boner. Drunk enough to not entirely notice right away. Her: put it away. Me: put what away? Her: your boner. She leaves. Standing alone on dance floor with bulging pants. The end.
MinggI don't know if it was me or the guy who fucked up but here's my story:
Two years ago I was on the lift with this kid. He was wearing a saga hoodie, full tilts and I'm pretty sure line skis and he sounded pretty smart when it came to skiing. He was telling me about all his trips, his job at one of our local shops, and how he wanted to get into filming. He was super cool and then he started talking about Shawn White and I shit you not he thought Shawn White was a skier. I tried to correct him thinking he misspoke and I said that he was a snowboarder and the kid got extremely angry and started to scream at me. He said shawn was a skier and that he was the best out there. He called me an idiot, almost pushed me off the lift and then was telling me there's no place in skiing for dumb girls. He proceeded by taking my polls and throwing them off the lift...the lifty saw because we were about to get off and confronted him. The next day the same lifty was working and he recognized me and told me the guy went on a huge rage after and they called the cops and he got tased and arrested.
Decide I'm ready to go home from a party, been talking to a cool dude all night. Told him I was gonna bounce, and he offered to walk me home. I said, "No thanks I know the way." Didn't realize what I did until the next day. It's okay though, because it turned out his name was Sam.
immasDecide I'm ready to go home from a party, been talking to a cool dude all night. Told him I was gonna bounce, and he offered to walk me home. I said, "No thanks I know the way." Didn't realize what I did until the next day. It's okay though, because it turned out his name was Sam.
Lord_ByronI was talking to what (seemed) to be a chyll azz chik, so i asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. I asked if she wanted to smoke sometime.
She entered a tirade about stoners and told me her fiance was a cop.
Oh god I'm cringing just remembering this incident. I'll do my best to recount the awkwardness that unfolded. This occurred this Valentine's day.
I'd consider myself fairly attractive, and I get a decent amount of female attention, but I can be awkward as HELL around girls I don't know. There's this girl who works at my campus cafeteria who is super cute - blonde, cute face, well endowed - anyway, I thought she was very attractive, especially since I go to STEM school where the few girls we do have are pretty beat. Every time I went into the cafeteria she'd be checking me out, and she'd always smile at me if she was the one at the front checking our student ID's. One day I finally worked up the courage to approach this qt, and the results were disastrous.
Me: "Hey what's your name"
Qt: "Hayley."
Me: "Hey Hayley, if you were a vegetable, what a vegetable would you be?"
(She worked the salad bar so this wasn't completely random)
Hayley: "Which one?"
Me: "A CUTEcumber"
She laughed and smiled at me. At this point my spaghetti began seeping out of my pockets. Didn't really have a game plan on what to say next so I said the first thing that came to mind.
Me: "Well.. happy Valentine's Day!"
Hayley: "Thanks! What'd you get me?"
Me: *internally FUCK FUCK FUCK* "Uhh... a cucumber. What'd you get me?"
Hayley: *points at something near her, I don't really remember what she said*
Me: *Spaghetti spraying out of my proverbial fannypack* "That's lame"
Hayley: *awkwardly looks away, pretends to be adjusting some vegetables*
when I was 15 I saw this really attractive girl at the beach. Instead on going up to her and giving her a compliment or asking her name...I asked her what her bra size was haha.
>Lock eyes from across the room
>Down my drink while the rhythms boom
>Take your hand and skip the names
>No need here for the silly games
>Make our way through the smoke and crowd
>The club is the sky and I'm on your cloud
>Move in close as the lasers fly
>Our bodies touch and the angels cry
>Leave this place go back to yours
>Our lips first touch outside your doors
>The whole night what we've got instore
>Whisper in my ear that you want some more
>And I
>JIZZ IN MY PANTS
immasDecide I'm ready to go home from a party, been talking to a cool dude all night. Told him I was gonna bounce, and he offered to walk me home. I said, "No thanks I know the way." Didn't realize what I did until the next day. It's okay though, because it turned out his name was Sam.
at a beach bar in dominican
very inebriated
me: what is that you're drinking
lady: (some gay colourful drink I can't remember) wanna try some?
me: haha no that sounds gayer than aids
lady: ...excuse me? slap
MinggI don't know if it was me or the guy who fucked up but here's my story:
Two years ago I was on the lift with this kid. He was wearing a saga hoodie, full tilts and I'm pretty sure line skis and he sounded pretty smart when it came to skiing. He was telling me about all his trips, his job at one of our local shops, and how he wanted to get into filming. He was super cool and then he started talking about Shawn White and I shit you not he thought Shawn White was a skier. I tried to correct him thinking he misspoke and I said that he was a snowboarder and the kid got extremely angry and started to scream at me. He said shawn was a skier and that he was the best out there. He called me an idiot, almost pushed me off the lift and then was telling me there's no place in skiing for dumb girls. He proceeded by taking my polls and throwing them off the lift...the lifty saw because we were about to get off and confronted him. The next day the same lifty was working and he recognized me and told me the guy went on a huge rage after and they called the cops and he got tased and arrested.
>meets hot girl at campout
>wants to go to my truck for pops
>go to truck all is good
>taking pops
>bitch about hockey kids in general a bit
>go back to her tent thing
>she has boyfriend
>hockey fucker from my school
>she plays hockey (wtf?)
>i pass out next to a fire
>hit my head
>knocked out now
>throwing up
>wake up in friends suv
New Years Eve
Tram club Snowbird
I'm fucking hammered.
I look at my watch and suddenly realize I've been talking to this chick for 30 minutes.
She's visiting from Oregon.
"Fuck why aren't we dancing!?"
Everything goes great and I'm definitely going home with her.
When we're walking out she turns and proceeds to tell me she has a boyfriend.
"Well fuck you could have told me that about 2 hours ago."
I go home.
PLOT TWIST
Next day my friend at work tells me Amanda broke up with her boyfriend over the phone that morning.
I hook up with her that night.
I'm a homewrecker!
Got coffee from a stand this morning. Totally distracted by how good looking the Batista was. She handed me my coffee and I was totally staring at her not paying attention to where my hand was going. When I went to pull my arm back into the car the coffee hit the top of my window and cascaded down the side of my face and car.
