In primary i was once sat at the back of the school assembly (about 60 people) and in those days it meant we sat on the hard linoleum floor. Earlier, at break, I had eaten a rather grotesque amount of dried mango - and anyone who's ever tried dried mango before knows about the shitstorm it brews in your bowls.
So there i was, my insides slowly fermenting in the dyer heat of the school hall. Our head teacher, one beautiful lady, was up talking about god knows what when i let out this almighty thunderclap. The angle my body was positioned at plus the hard linoleum floor was one combo i found to be rather horrific when it came to noise amplification. It sounded like hands slapping off a plastic surface or a motorbike in the way it gradually rose and rose. And then, complete silence. Everyone turned around even the teacher had stopped talking, so i did what any sensible person would do (whilst withholding a flood of the giggles) and blamed it on the weird foreign kid beside me.
It was, without doubt, the most embarrassing moment i had ever experienced.
and sorry to Greg - the victim - as without him i would have certainly been caught. He got me to where i am today.