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A Thread About Death

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No.Quarter
Posts: 5257 - Karma: 16,956
So here goes...

A few weeks ago my cousin died of an accidental drug overdose.

There I said it. But here is what I was actually meaning to make this thread about.
I have not told any of my friends or anyone I trust or look up to etc. about this event until I was encouraged by my parents to talk to my youth group leader at the church my family goes to. I have good friends at this youth group and I am friends with the youth pastor, but I really don't consider myself a "christian" anymore, I just kind of go to church on Sundays to hang out with my friends. Anyways I explained to the pastor what had happened and essentially he told me that we don't know why God lets people die, that satan was pulling my cousin to drugs, and that it was all part of Gods plan and that I should trust in God.
This really didn't help much and it might have made me more sad, depressed, and angry toward the subject. I am becoming more cynical toward my church friends and my youth pastor.

So I have somewhat come to terms with that he died and he shouldn't have died, but how can I help myself to start to deal with it and have closure?

Please be serious in your responses NS, I don't if this thread was a horrible idea or if it could be helpful.
Feb 1 2014 12:21AM
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Jeebus.
Posts: 4904 - Karma: 5,822
I died reading that.
Feb 1 2014 12:22AM
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Jeebus.
Posts: 4904 - Karma: 5,822
shit did not read delete dumb comment, sorry OP hope your doing alright.
Feb 1 2014 12:23AM
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MACAQUE
Posts: 2811 - Karma: 696
I'm not religious. I cannot address that aspect. But bottom line is death sucks, but we all have to die at some point. Your day is coming at some point. It was your cousins time to go. Let him go. Grief is healthy, but don't let someone's death ruin any of your own life.
Feb 1 2014 12:26AM
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Chubz.
Posts: 13918 - Karma: 25,656
The only thing I can say is that life is shitty and unfair. Things happen for reasons we can't explain. People die, and life goes on. You're right, he shouldn't have died, but he did. And there isn't anything that you can do to bring him back, and that fucking blows.

I would just remember the good times you had with him, and cherish those memories. Remember for what good he did and not how he died. That's all I really got..


My condolences to you and your family. I'm sorry for your loss.
Feb 1 2014 12:27AM
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MilaKunis
Posts: 1480 - Karma: 3,646
I find myself thinking about suicide pretty often. Not to actually do it but I don't hate the thought.
Feb 1 2014 12:27AM
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No.Quarter
Posts: 5257 - Karma: 16,956
That is the hardest fucking thing to get over. It feels like it totally wasn't time for him to go
Feb 1 2014 12:28AM
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edai
Posts: 4983 - Karma: 4,632
Nah man it wasnt time for him to go it never seems like it is.

You just gotta stay strong for the other people who are hurting worse than you, did this cousin have any siblings, your aunt and uncle? My uncle passed away and as sad as i was i always could make myself feel better by reaaching out to my cousins who lost their dad, an 8 year old, 12 year old, and 14 year old who would be growing up without a dad, but just old enough to remember him. If you were the one closest to him, your situation is a bit different. I think with time youll figure it out, unfortunately the circumstances are extreme. I know in every death ive felt church was never my solution. I usually worked it out internally with my own thoughts, maybe thats all you need. take a breather, formulate your own ideas, decide what it means for you, dont let someone else tell you how to feel and try to explain it.
Feb 1 2014 12:35AM
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-WZ-
Posts: 3600 - Karma: 6,581
Man death is such an awkward thing to talk about it, its just something noone wants to face.
my dad died when i was 4 in a biking accident. unfair? yea but theres nothing i can do to change that, and he died doing something he enjoyed which makes closure a bit easier. i geuss its easier for me to get over it since i barely knew him, but the best advice i can give you is just to remember the good memories about them, and dont let yourself fall into a rut and possibly think about things you could have done to change what happened. this has definitely helped with more recent family members (grandparents)... anyways OP youll be dealing with some hard times but just think of the positives and dont dwell on the negatives. if you want to PMvme id love to try and help. ps im also an aethiest not that it really matters
Feb 1 2014 1:47AM
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WU-sconsin
Posts: 565 - Karma: 1,301
Time heals
Feb 1 2014 1:49AM
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128368798788
Posts: 0 - Karma: 1,167
Dude, let me begin by saying I'm so sorry something like this had to happen to you under the circumstances they did.

Without getting into a religious side of things, one thing is for certain: he or she is out of a lot of pain that they were feeling for a long, long time.

There really is no right answer brotha. It's a hard painful part of life that makes most of us go insane contemplating of what could have been if you made this one little difference here, or tried to offer the right thing to say there. But the facts are the way they are. All you can do is take any personal guilt you may have had in his or her death and try to shrug it off as best as possible. It's hard. My best friend committed suicide the day school got out for summer our junior year of high school, and it tore me up on the inside for the longest time. I still cry sometimes thinking about all the regrets I have not saying or doing something when the signs were starting to show their disgusting heads, wishing he were still here today and remembering the great times we shared. I'm about to graduate from college and it still fucks with me but you need to know that you can't blame yourself for such a tragedy happening unbeknownst to anyone else man.

The best advice I can give is to look deep, deep down inside you, find what's important to you in life, and share it with the world. Whether you wanna help other people, change the world, or just in general want to live life, fucking DO THAT SHIT, and remember that everyday you're not just living for yourself anymore, but for other people who couldn't be there with you physically and still remain with you today where ever your travels take you.

I hope this could put your mind a little more at ease, and if you wanna PM me, i'm more than open to it.
Feb 1 2014 2:20AM
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chicken
Posts: 6843 - Karma: 2,122
it sucks when people die, but it happens to everyone. there is no such thing as an afterlife. people who die are fucking gone forever. period. death really only sucks for the living people who are affected by it.

don't think about religion or putting your faith in god or any of that bullshit. you pastor might think he is helping, but he is just full of shit, even if he doesn't know it. just enjoy life while you have it, and don't take others unnecessarily.
Feb 1 2014 4:08AM
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chicken
Posts: 6843 - Karma: 2,122
no. you are an idiot who thinks they know what they are talking about. shut the fuck up. also this bump was an accident. i'm drunki
Mar 22 2014 5:47AM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
i am not really religious, but there is literally only one bible passage a priest can refer to on a funeral and i am glad that it was that way on the most personal funeral i have been to.

its the moment when jesus dies in agony on the cross, "my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?".

this means that even the person closest to god (essentially being god) questioned everything. he questioned god, gods plan and what happens to him minutes after he had told the other two guys on the cross that they will be with him in paradise. so why would someone like us still trust in god after such a tragedy?

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with that being said, i really dont like this "god has a plan" and "satan caused your friend to do drugs" quotes by your pastor. as they are not logical. first off it means that gods plan is to hurt by allowing people to get killed/hurt. it furthermore implies that he could stop satan since its his overall plan but on the other hand it still makes satan responsible for it.

Mar 22 2014 9:06AM
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SkiThe603
Posts: 5376 - Karma: 498
but that is religion for you, they preach all the wrong bullshit and when you ask for help they give you the wrong answer
Mar 22 2014 10:59AM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
its just that there are too many "average" priests. these are very tough questions and maybe a few intelligent theologians have studied the bible and more importantly all the council decisions sufficiently to provide thought out and coherent answers.

dont have a problem with that. just have a problem with your average priest X knowing less about the bible than i do. and i am not even religious.
Mar 22 2014 12:31PM
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chicken
Posts: 6843 - Karma: 2,122
pretty sure i'm alive. moron.
Mar 22 2014 2:16PM
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californiagrown
Posts: 9794 - Karma: 2,014
Sounds like your pastor sucks. the dude completely half assed his "words of wisdom" to you, or he just sucks at his job.

Death happens. It sucks but death happens because there is life, and life hhappens because there is death. Cant have one without the other. It wasnt gods plan to kill your cousin, it was your cousins choices and mistakes that killed him. It goes to show you how quick and easily you can be snuffed out, and how tenous our grip on life really is.

If you believe in heaven, then take solace in the fact that your cousin very likely is up there lookin gdown on you and your family. You dont need to come to terms with why him, you just need to come to terms with why him and not soem one else. Try and learn from his mistakes, celebrate how he made your life better, and try and apply any lessons he may have taught you to daily life.

Jesus died to give your soul eternal life, not your body here on earth. He knew the risks of what he was doing, jsut like you know the risks of driving an icy mountian road up to a dangerous mountain and then sliding down it at fatal speeds and jumping fatal distances through the air. All you can do is try and make your life and the lives of those you meet better.

And tell your youth pastor or whatever, that he needs to go back to seminary. Go see your actual pastor next time you want to have a meaningful discussion.

Mar 22 2014 2:44PM
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chicken
Posts: 6843 - Karma: 2,122
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you make fun of me for being stupid, and it turns out you are RELIGIOUS? HAHA. religion is for stupid and/or poor people.
Mar 22 2014 2:56PM
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californiagrown
Posts: 9794 - Karma: 2,014
Im not religous. Im agnostic leaning heavily towards atheism.

Where did you get the idea that im religous? and where did you get the impression that i made fun of you for being stupid? I enjoy a good troll as much as the next guy especially one who softosses so many meatball ideas my way haha.

Mar 22 2014 3:03PM
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californiagrown
Posts: 9794 - Karma: 2,014
Or if that was in reference to me telling him to go see the pastor if he wants a meaningful convo, im guessing you have never spoken to a good pastor.

My church's pastor led our communion class and led off with this question "why are you Lutheran?" he then proceeded to tell us that is ONLY because we randomly happened to be born to our parents who were Lutheran. We could have just as easily been born to Hindus in India.

From my experience, Pastors are great people to have meaningful convos with, hell i still talk to my pastor and God/Jesus has not come up once in his advice or questions. Being spiritual doesnt mean being religous and Pastors do a ton of family and relationship counseling that has nothing to do with God.

you will never hear me say anything bad about the church. The Church is fucking awesome, and is a trmendously helpful resource to the community it is in no matter how far fetched the reason for its founding.
Mar 22 2014 3:10PM
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chicken
Posts: 6843 - Karma: 2,122
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Mar 22 2014 3:39PM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
comon dude, i know youre just trolling. i dont have anything to do with churches, but its not like they are a huge oppressing factor in everyday life anymore. you dont have to fight against them like something evil.

when they were really powerful over the last few centuries, they really did fuck some shit up in regard to science and other areas, but on the other hand they were responsible for the conservation of all this knowledge in the first place.
Mar 22 2014 3:46PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,500
God's not real, what you need to do to stop talking to a church and go see a therapist if it bothers you that much.
Also there are much more worse things going on than people dying, you should probably take a trip to a Third World country at some point in your life.
Mar 22 2014 3:47PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,500
They still hold a lot of power in this country, I still can't buy liquor on Sundays, Down south (in the Bible Belt) the amount of influence churches have is ridiculous. Also that's the stupidest argument I've ever heard, the reason why we have the knowledge kept is because churches were around. Let's back up and imagine churches never existed, I guarantee you the knowledge would still be "kept"
Mar 22 2014 3:54PM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
ok, thats your problem in the states. i was talking about my everyday experience in europe.


and the thing with knowledge conservation is true. most writings by greek and roman scientists were lost during the barbarian invasions. at this point most religious scholars at least read and respected these writings.

then, during the barbarian invasion, roughly 90% of this knowledge got lost, a primary reason why the middle ages are called a dark era (this is obviously a little bit exaggerated due to later glorification of the renaissance).

HOWEVER, during the middle ages, the only place in europe where anybody read, wrote and understood what was left of aristotle, plato, archimedes were christian monasteries. monks were the only people who could read and were able to write down this information.

what is true is that the arabs also did a fairly good job at protecting knowledge. they had a lot of books which werent available out west. plato is a good example. in europe, up until the renaissance, people only knew his timaios, whereas the arabs conserved everything we know today from him.

its a double-edged sword, of course and the church oppressed science in a bad way and i am the first to admit that, but without the scientific branch of the church, we would have maybe 2% available of greek knowledge instead of around 10%.



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sry for the off topic rant in a serious thread OP. its hard but you have to face and accept the fact that this person will never again come through that door. this way, you will be able to cherish life and learn lessons for yourself out of such a tragedy. chances are there is no meaning in life except being happy and making others happy.
Mar 22 2014 4:41PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,500
There's this thing outside of Europe, there were other people around not just scholars who wrote things down in a church. The statement the only reason information survived was because of the church and if they were around everything would have been lost is incorrect. You said it yourself if church wasn't around our technology would have probably been more advanced and science and discoveries could have been done openly. So you'd have more educational institutions, and I guarantee those people would have also kept books from being burned.
Mar 22 2014 6:11PM
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Zimmerman
Posts: 6992 - Karma: 1,021
There is no should have or shouldn't have. He just died. It's sad, I wish y'all the best.

Now I'm not claiming to an absolute here, but I think your friend "went back to the void he came from." I don't mean to say there's an actual place I'm calling the void, but instead to say that basically your friend's consciousness ended. Where was he before he was born?

I think it is really healthy to think about and come to terms with your inevitable death. And unfortunately the priest may not provide you with the right answers, so it's up to you to enrich your experience here on Earth by really thinking about death and what it is. It's just an old friend.
Mar 22 2014 7:40PM
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RockNRollNghtClb
Posts: 2013 - Karma: 2,509
.
Mar 22 2014 11:16PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,500
Over the years on ns I have pissed off a lot of people, gotten into many arguments. Some of them I was right and some I now know I was wrong, but I'm particularly proud of my work in the thread you posted.
Mar 23 2014 12:11AM
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op14
Posts: 1769 - Karma: 4,586
I've only had one member of my family die and it was my grandmother. This was like three or four weeks ago. To be honest, it didn't effect me at all. Maybe because me and her were never really close like I am with my other grandmother but idk. I know people who don't get upset over deaths.
Mar 23 2014 12:14AM
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forrest-cole
Posts: 1145 - Karma: 495
damn very well put, super fucked and sad but at the same time this is what makes life so awesome and like a gift. So you gotta make the best of it and enjoy it all and everyone.
Mar 23 2014 1:00AM
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Gods_Father
Posts: 1466 - Karma: -284
what are you talking about? we as a species are more technologically advanced than you think......these technologies are just suppressed from us, the masses. you sound like a salesman making all these 'guarantees' lol.
Mar 23 2014 3:04AM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
damn dude, can you read? i am talking about the times when there wasnt something out of europe that was interested in conserving european knowledge. end of the western roman empire to around 1500-1600. and the church didnt burn books on purpose, the barbarian invasion just caused a lot of libraries and other stuff to be burned down.

the early church didnt actively burn books by greek and roman philosophers. they read them, interpreted them and tried to incorporate them into the christian worldview.

the statement that a lot of information survived IN europe due to the church is CORRECT. there have been middle-east areas where information was conserved, but that knowledge that was conserved in europe is 100% due to monks.

who knows how everything would look either way, my guess is that science wouldnt be far off from where it is today since the original loss of information would have happened anyway and the slow reintegration of knowledge due to the contact with the middle east (it took more than 1000 years) probably wouldnt have been that much faster.

its my point of view, a lot of it is subjective, but even if i hate what the church did for a long time, there is no denying in its scientific role during the middle ages.

Mar 23 2014 6:32AM
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ggfski42
Posts: 651 - Karma: 700
These things are hard to deal with, and everyone has their own way of doing so. Like everyone has said OP, remember the good times, celebrate their life and the moments that both of yours intertwined. Ive lost countless family members to drugs, Its a horrible thing to deal with because it feels like they were stolen from you and such a useless way to go. Unfortunately some bad decisions have to the power end your life. Live and Learn
Mar 23 2014 9:03AM
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daannnnieel
Posts: 5163 - Karma: 4,293
I've never had someone close to me od before, and I hope I never do. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, but the only thing you can do is remember the good things and live it off. Everything gets better with time, if you let it.
Mar 23 2014 12:38PM
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pigglywiggly
Posts: 4482 - Karma: 305
Quoting to emphasize your ignorance and stupidity.
Mar 23 2014 1:03PM
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roddy116
Posts: 10622 - Karma: 7,396
yeah mormons are stupid and poor.
Mar 23 2014 1:47PM
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deleted5
Posts: 14507 - Karma: 13,500
Can you read you forgot to address a few of my points in the post.
Mar 23 2014 3:29PM
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Zimmerman
Posts: 6992 - Karma: 1,021
bingo
Mar 23 2014 7:48PM
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JayMeZZy
Posts: 423 - Karma: 510
i know death is hard to think about, and what come next. its scary and hard to look at when its a loved one that goes. but give this video a look at, it has a great way of thinking about the human experience and how to think of yourself and others

Mar 23 2014 7:56PM
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