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Girls with kids

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StickDonkey
Posts: 284 - Karma: 2,456
So how long after starting to date someone is it cool for them to introduce you to their kiddo? I just started hanging out with this chick and she's not the only girl I'm sleeping with and she brought her 9 year old daughter over with her the other night to stay the night and she actually slept in the same bed with us. She's hot and I like her and her kid was absolutely adorable but I can already tell she (the daughter) is already emotionally attached to me. I think I'm going to end up feeling like a piece of shit and breaking this little girls heart when all is said and done. P.S. her dad passed away in a car wreck a few years back. Should I just cut this off now? Any single moms out their that are willing to chime in would be greatly appreciated...
Nov 26 2013 2:50PM
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coling
Posts: 1086 - Karma: -3
This thread is deep
Nov 26 2013 11:21PM
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HIT
Posts: 3524 - Karma: 4,996
don't do it!
Nov 27 2013 12:41AM
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,267
OP as you've probably realized by now, NS is a terrible place to ask a question like this
Nov 27 2013 1:29AM
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soared
Posts: 89 - Karma: 338
Arguably one of the worst places... I'd maybe put 4chan below NS for this thread.
Nov 27 2013 1:35AM
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Zimmerman
Posts: 6992 - Karma: 1,021
You cannot be serious
Nov 27 2013 1:49AM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,100
he literally was not serious
Nov 27 2013 2:18AM
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Byron_tha_gr8
Posts: 4573 - Karma: 14,298
Hippy knows all about relationships with older women ;)

But to OP, take all this advice. If you date her for long enough to be in a serious LTR, then start to get to know the kid. But 2 months is pretty short, and she could have some shit that makes you break up tomorrow, you just probably can't know her well enough in 2 months to at least say there is a good chance you're going to last a long time.

And also its not up to you to take care of her kid, its up to her and the dad. I know that often times this isn't the case, but if she is already putting dad roles on you when she also probably doesn't know you well enough to truly rely on you, that would be a red flag to me.
Nov 27 2013 2:45AM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
Most of NS has more in common with her 9yo than her lol... Talk about sheltered and idealistic. I wish I got to see it on an individual basis when NS has that crystal castle they imagined come crashing down two steps out into real life.
Nov 27 2013 10:01AM
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El_Barto.
Posts: 11630 - Karma: 24,465
To have you know my castle is made of hard candy and unicorn farts your prick
Nov 27 2013 10:06AM
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Byron_tha_gr8
Posts: 4573 - Karma: 14,298
i don't have a castle, i live with my parents.
Nov 27 2013 10:16AM
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CaptainObvious.
Posts: 5711 - Karma: 20,627
My castle requires a lot of repairs.
Nov 27 2013 10:18AM
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dela
Posts: 63 - Karma: 102
I don't really have any advice but I have mad respect for anyone that takes on a woman with a child/children.

Every once and awhile someone asks me if I would ever date or pursue someone with a child/children and I always say yes but if it would ever actually come down to it I don't know if I would.  I feel like I would avoid ever getting anywhere near the situation if I could help it.

I had an ex-girlfriend whose real dad split and left the mother, daughter (my ex), and the son.  The mother met another guy and now they've been married happily for ten years, he actually legally adopted the mothers two children and they have had another two kids of their own.  I have an enormous amount of respect for that man taking on that responsibility especially since when he came into the picture, the two kids were already like 8-10 years old.
Nov 27 2013 10:24AM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
See in the past, I always said no.


But then life threw me a curveball and it made me realize that MY stepdad was a huge influence in my life and I'd be a selfish coward if I wouldn't be open to doing the same he did simply because of some weird apprehension about someone else's kids. I was someone else's kid and he was man enough to be a huge force in my life.

I guess I look at it as thus: When you find the right girl it won't matter what the extraneous circumstances are, you'll grow to the occasion. I say grow because there is no "getting over" something like that, it's only growing to accept something and letting it enrich your life.

The love of a kid is probably the best/most rewarding thing you can earn in your lifetime. To help them grow into an adult you'd want to hang out with is a privilege. Sure there's work involved but until you're neck deep in it you'll never see all the awesome things that can come of it.

OP I say have a talk with her. Let her know how you feel and tell her you want to take it slow- for everyone's sake. Kids aren't something to be afraid of but you certainly need to be given time to acclimate to the lifestyle.
Nov 27 2013 10:45AM
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yelsel
Posts: 12967 - Karma: 3,451
sniff sniff - so many feels
Nov 27 2013 10:48AM
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StickDonkey
Posts: 284 - Karma: 2,456
Actually some really good advice on here. Thanks NS!
Nov 27 2013 2:13PM
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PeppermillReno
Posts: 4748 - Karma: -566
The dude said the Dad is dead.  Which is one less of an issue/variable.


He might not have the choice to sit on the fence and not want to commit either way.  Your giving advice like he can do whatever the fuck he wants being like "its only 2 months you don't know what can happen."

If he tells her he isn't ready she'll look for a new guy who is.  She'll think he doesn't care about her and the kid and doesn't want a family with them and will want to find someone who does.  If he continues as is, well, I guess if he made the wrong choice the breakup will be messy but he's not the one having to explain to a crying child why she can no longer see the new male figure in her life.


What the fuck is it with this entitlement society always expecting to have things both ways?  The only thing you deserve to not be rushed into is buying her a ring/marriaige.  Take all the time you want on that one, even if she gets pregnant.  But its NOT up to the OP whether the relationship is casual or serious.  Thats not his choice, he can never have that choice if he expects full loyalty, and he doesn't deserve that choice there is a child in the picture.
Nov 27 2013 2:27PM
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Byron_tha_gr8
Posts: 4573 - Karma: 14,298
Youre an idiot. By introducing the kid early to guys she dates, she is going to continually explain to a crying child why she can't see the male figures in her life, because the chances at 2 months of continuing for years are a lot lower than say 6 months. Now if you're both in agreement that you are meant for each other forever, then I don't see the harm, but OP is clearly not saying that.

And the early part of a relationship should be a bit about you, and whether you think you can truly connect with the other half of it. The kid shouldn't be playing a role in his decision one way or another, at least at this point.

And why the fuck should he not be able to choose how serious a relationship is? Honestly if he just fully commits to playing a dad/husband role, he won't even have a chance to see if he wants that.

Don't listen to this fool, OP. The earlier stages of a real relationship ARE about you. As you move forwards, it becomes more about both of you, but when its still this fresh of a relationship, you need to protect your own interests first. That doesn't mean fuck her over or be an ass, but if having her kid around is keeping you from really evaluating your situation, let her know. And if she can't handle that, she obviously isn't mature enough for a real relationship anyways.
Nov 27 2013 6:25PM
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PeppermillReno
Posts: 4748 - Karma: -566
Your the idiot. 

Introducing the kid somewhat early means that she is desperate to find herself a good man who will be a father to her child who's dad is dad.

Its inevitable.  Its what she is looking for. She aint being devious.  Can you blame her imagine you had a kid and were a young mom...maybe you wouldn't want the best looking guy with the biggest dick and might actually want a guy who will treat you and the kid right?


Noone is fucking perfect.  This girls flaw clearly is she has a kid and wants to find it a Dad and herself a husband.  If you just want casual dating and pussy she'll look for someone who wants a family.

Whats the girl supposed to do throw her kid in a river so OP doesn't feel pressured?  The two of them come as a pair.


2 months for some people= 2 weeks for others= 2 years for others.  Everyone is different.


Now...go cry on another thead about living in sick ass Flagstaff AZ one of the best cities in America with NAU in it which is PACKED with hotties.

Nov 27 2013 9:49PM
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PeppermillReno
Posts: 4748 - Karma: -566
There is nothing wrong with dating a single mom and not wanting to be serious.  BUt don't camoflauge that.  If she knows your just good for dicks, drinks, and a few laughs...well she'll know that and if she still wants to hang with you you're all good.

You are only an asshole if you pretend to like the kid and demonstrate an interest in having a family together when the reality is you don't.
Nov 27 2013 9:53PM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
^
I guarantee neither of you has experience with women who have kids and are both talking out your assess.
Dec 1 2013 11:55AM
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Benson.
Posts: 2739 - Karma: 3,787
My castle is perpetually under reconstruction.
Dec 1 2013 12:03PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
If you like the girls personality, her kid and you think you could have a good relationship with her AND judging by the fact that youre dating a girl with a kid youre old enough to be in a long term relationship, you should date her and see where it goes. If it doesnt work, at least you tried and its not your fault that the girl was attached to you. Its her moms. She needed to be more careful in a situation like that
Dec 1 2013 12:20PM
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.Asain-Skiier
Posts: 3708 - Karma: 977
I'd also post this to the ladies men cult.
Dec 1 2013 12:20PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
Especially letting a guy she barely knows sleep in the same bed as her daughter. Not saying you are, but you could be a pedophile or something.
Dec 1 2013 12:23PM
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Byron_tha_gr8
Posts: 4573 - Karma: 14,298
its not bad ;)

and im moving tomorrow so im glad you can look at my profile.
Dec 1 2013 1:20PM
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Wallisch_pl
Posts: 5260 - Karma: 1,022
inb4 Byronius+
Dec 1 2013 6:23PM
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Byron_tha_gr8
Posts: 4573 - Karma: 14,298
in4f73r fagit
Dec 1 2013 7:09PM
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StickDonkey
Posts: 284 - Karma: 2,456
I wanted to update you guys on the situation. I took some of the advice you guys gave and told her how I felt and since then we have decided to commit to each other and make it official and she hasn't had her daughter over to stay the night with us again. She has only brought her by once and that was just to watch a movie. I'm meeting the family this weekend. I also recently found out that she is into anal which is awesome so it paid off big time. Thanks NS
Dec 16 2013 10:46PM
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