By Ryan Dunfee
After an intimate behind-the-scenes investigation, BroBomb has discovered that this weekend’s Rails 2 Riches results, with Line teammates LJ Strenio and Giary Dadali going 1-2 thanks to judges and fellow teammate Ian Compton and Andy Parry, was part of a massive conspiracy within the Line team. The perpetually impoverished Line Skis team, all suffering for basic necessities despite representing one of the highest-selling brands in freeskiing.
Prior to the contest, a secret conference call was orchestrated between Compton, Parry, Dadali, and LJ. It was agreed that by being ensured a win, Strenio would pay Parry’s overdue rent and give him four pairs of clean socks, while Compton was guaranteed a stock of stolen insulation to winterize the unheated shack he will be living in at the base of Mt. Snow. In order to guarantee himself second place and the $2,000 check, Giray had to promise Andy a month’s worth of food stamps, a bar of soap, a tube of toothpaste, and $40 in gas money. Compton was promised a cord of wood to heat his shack and a bowl of water to put out any potential fires, since Compton has only an old sink for a fireplace.
The group realized that the third judge, Matt Bennedetto, makes way too much money at Fuse Marketing to be bribed with basic necessities, and so it was instead decided to beat him to a pulp and tie him up in the Traveling Circus van, while a similar-looking Newschoolers kid was brought in to replace him and was bribed with a sticker to copy the same scores as Compton and Parry.
By Sunday morning, the Line skiers had suspiciously disappeared, and on a tip from a local parking lot lurker, I found Andy Parry and Ian Compton sharing a single pancake purchased with Parry’s gas money purse. After the taking of the above photo, they immediately bolted.
OTHER COMPETITION NEWS
In other news, some pipe contest in Colorado happened, and whoever won, but according to the qualifier results it’s apparent that Peter Olenick is still trying to be a pro skier.