find one of those cameras in the woods that rednecks set up to monitor their game. they usually take one photo every 5 - 10 minutes. get a bunch of fake deer, pigs, cows, and other animals that people put in their yards as decoration. go and set them all up in front of the camera for just one of the pictures. get a result that looks like this:
"YOU ARE THE BIGGEST STUPID, MOST NARROW-MINDED PERSON I HAVE EVER SEEN, NOT ONLY ARE YOU A COMPLETE JACKASS FUCKING IDIOT, YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE FOR WHAT YOU JUST WROTE, I SWEAR IF YOU WERE IN FRONT OF MY RIGHT NOW I WOULD PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE THEN BEAT YOU WITH AN ALUMINUM BAT, AND SHOVE MY TENNIS RAQUET UP YOUR TIGHT ASSHOLE BECAUSE OF HOW IGNORANT YOU ARE"