Sup NS. Today I'm here to talk about my shenanigans with ghillie suits. First off, Ghillie suits are fucking amazing and sooo much can be done with them.
Ill start off by listing off my top usages for these fine creations, and then share some of my stories with these wonders.
1st- Ding dong fucking ditching. That's right folks, these suits bring a whole new kinda game to the sport of ding dong ditching. I'll share some of my stories later.
2nd- Airsofting/paintballing. It's very satisfying to creep up on some stupid ass idiot and blow him to pieces without him knowing your even there.
3rd- Scaring the living shit out of anyone who crosses your path. This one's pretty self explanatory. I mean, who wouldn't be scared of a bush that moves and hauls ass at you.
4th- Halloween. Kind of along the lines of number 4, except it is THE BEST halloween costume ever.
5th- Profit. After all the fun and games, you can still sell these babies for a fine price, and then spend that cold hard cash on skis or tommy wallisches brand new spankin full tilters.
6th- Ding dong ditching again. Never gets old.
Story 1- Ok, I'll start it off with a mellow story, saving the best for last. So me and my buds were ding dong ditching one evening. Got a lot of houses and scared some little bitch. Good fun.
Anyways, so we are walking on the sidewalk and this car pulls up with some older kids from our 'hood drive up in their car and see us. They're all like what the fuck are these kids doing. Anyways me and 2 of my buddies, (we all have ghillie suits) haul ass into the bushes and disappear unseen. Meanwhile, my other dumbass friend who is kind of an ass just hauls ass into the school parking lot across the street from us.
2 guys from the car get out and chase after him into the hard, painful, dirt field. Me and my smart friends are watching this laughing are asses off. Anyways, it ends up my friend getting full on, NFL football style tackled by two 17 year old young men. One of the funniest sites I have seen and a good way to end a night.
Story 2- This is a quicky. Pretty much this little motherfucker that my friends and I don't like lives in this one house. Shocker I know. Anyways, we ding dong ditch his house and wait a while, nothing happens so we are gettin up.
All of a sudden, the front door bursts open and his LITTLE SISTER hauls ass screaming at us. We haul ass and she ends up attacking us. Its chill though we melted away into the bushes like guerilla attack forces from vietnam.
Story 3- If you don't have the patience to read any of the other stories, this is most definetely the one to read.
This story happens in 3 parts.
Part 1- One night, same night as STORY 1, my friends and I were ding dong ditching blah blah blah. Anyways, we get to this one house. Perfect as fuck. Bushes in easy reach, not too many windows. Basically a ghillie suited ding dong ditcher's dream.
So, we get this house and dive behind some bushes, waiting like night prowlers. Out comes some little fuck and he just looks around and then closes the door. Kinda ghey but it gets better.
Part 2- After that idiot just closed the door on us, we were like DUUUUDDDE so we left. But, we couldn't resist the temptation of this perfect house and we came back for seconds. But this time their was a change of plans. This was right before halloween, so this family had pumpkins laid out. This will factor in later to the story.
There is something you need to know about my friend's ghillie suit to fully understand this part. The pant's cuffs were dragging alot of mud and dirt, so when he walked it looked like he was dragging something when we looked at the stains it made on the ground.
Back to the story. This friend goes up, ding dong ditches, and hauls ass back to the bushes. Little did he know, he inadvertantly made it look like he dragged away of one their pumpkins. This time, big bad mother opens the door. Shes flips out. Calls the whole family out to the porch. That's right, father son and daughter. They are ALL flipping out. "OH MY GOD BILL THEY TOOK OUR PUMPKIN!" "I know honey, what bastards." Kids were freakin out as well. They went on for about 10 FUCKING MINUTES about how we stole their pumpkin. Counted the pumpkins, recounted the pumpkins, on and on. Hella funny and a great night.
Part 3- Ok guys, im getting hella tired writing all this, but we are almost done. This is where it gets a little confusing, so pay attention.
Speed up about 5 months. Me and 2 of my friends are back at it again. We were ding dong ditching a couple peeps, and then remember the perfect house with the perfect idiot family. Anyways, we go to do them again. Little do we know this is going to turn into a big shitstorm.
So we ding dong ditch em, hide in our usual spot, and wait. Out comes the family again. This time though, they are pissed off. I mean really pissed off. Screaming into then night saying they will call the police blah blah blah.
Then it happened. The little girl said "they always hid behind that one bush". Unfortunately, that was our fucking bush. Apparently some other dumbass had used our spot and now fucked us over. Paralyzed by fear, we sat stock still and hoped for the best.
Big bad dad was ppiiissseed off. He gets on his shoes and starts looking around. The rest of the little douchers go on inside. It's between us and him. As I look back on this fateful night, I realize we should have run right then and their. But we didn't.
The dad gets closer. Now I can barely see him out of my peripheral vision. Then he goes behinds us. This was actually the funniest and worst part of the experience. That douche sat behind us for literally 2 minutes trying to figure out if we were people or motherfucking bushes. Unfortunately, he guessed right.
Pulls of my hood. First words out of his mouth were "'Da fuck?". Priceless. That's the beef of the story. Pretty much ends up with him spitting on me and saying fuck a lot.
Sparknotes: Ghillie suits. Get them.