here we go
Summer going into junior year of HS. Parents are out of town and it is one of the first times I had ever gotten drunk. Had a little party at my house, maybe 10 people. Knowing nothing about alcohol we asked my cousin to get us the following. 1 30 rack, a handle of capt mo, a handle of Bacardi, a 12 pack of honeybrown, and a flask of 151. I think we just about finished the 30 rack and about half a handle.
Anyway there is this chick there that I am kind of dating so after the party dies down and I take a little nap (passed the fuck out for three hours) I decide I need to have some sex so I bring this girl up into my parents bedroom, it is probably around 3 in the morning. She had some experience points in the sex category and I had to act like I knew what I was doing. So I get this girl completely undressed and I am not shitting you I still had all my clothes on. So I start to rip my clothes off and I realize that she is just watching me so I try to do it sexy. Never try to do it sexy, I looked like a fucking retard at bath time.
So I get over her and finger her for a little bit and she asks me to put on a condom so I take out the condom I have had in my wallet since birth and throw this baby on my dick. Then I get her to the edge of the bed, me standing, and thrust with all my might. AND...... Done. I am literally one pump and done. I try my best to hide the fact that I lasted less than a second and finally make eye contact with her.
She looks right into my eyes and is like "are you going to put it in?"
Completely confused my mind jumps to many conclusions "I have a tiny dick", "she is loose as hell" , "I am using a pussy numbing condom"... Then I look down. And my dick, instead of being safely stowed in her vagina, is in between her butt cheeks and the bed...
My first time having "sex" and I just had a 3 some with Erin XXXX and my parents bed spread.
So I quickly rear back and insert directly into the vagina, which was really uncomfortable because I already came and the condom was full of jiz. After a while it got better and I made her have an orgasm (no shit). I call it the night of wet boots. This was the one and only time we had sex, we got in a huge fight later that week and broke up. I told her the story one drunken night in college.
Hickenlooper for Governor.