I lost a little respect when I heard the Eminem instrumental lol. Sick instrumental, but write your own shit if you want to rap! People will take you much more seriously.
That would have been a lot sicker if you had better rhythms - some of it was a little whack, but from a lyrical standpoint it was pretty good. It felt really spoken as opposed to rapped, but with a little work it could be dope.
Also, you might want to work on the voice you're using when rapping - I know some pretty dope rappers and they don't speak anything close to how they rap. They've mastered certain vocal inflections and intonations that are key to the sound of the rap. But that really just comes with practise and listening to various rappers.
Make sure you're diverse in your musical tastes, whether that is within rap as a genre or music in its entirety.
Not trying to hate, just giving some contructive criticism.
Some things that I was impressed by:
Production at the beginning was cool, I liked the use of echo effects with the spoken voices.
As a lyric, it was pretty dope - you didn't make a lot of the amateur mistakes that are common in rappers just starting out.
Recording of it sounded clean and pretty good, no issues with mic gain or anything, although there's always more to learn about recording.
Successful use of the Eminem beat and your own lyrics. Came out nicely although it would be sick if you wrote your own instrumentals.
