Many people think Superman is the toughest superhero ever. Other people think of Batman, or Wolverine. Maybe even the Hulk.
In fact, they are all wrong. Popeye is the best. Here is why.
-He becomes a master of any discipline after taking spinach. He led a twenty man band, where he was the band himself, became a master musician, master sculptor, brilliant scientist, and a master magician.
-Taking spinach renders him immune to magic. Bluto once tried to turn him into a frog, but he punched the spell back at Bluto. Also Zeus tried to zap Popeye with a lightning bolt, but Popeye punched it back at him, thus defeating Zeus by frying him.
-Popeye can ressurect himself from the dead with spinach. His nephews force fed some to his lifeless body. Popeye’s soul returned to his body, which got up and proceeded to beat the crap out of Bluto.
-Popeye resisted being wiped out of existence by an animator. His pipe was fed spinach, Popeye willed himself back, and then he beat up the animator. Which brings me to…
-Popeye can break the 4th wall. A real boy in the movie audience threw some spinach into the screen to Popeye. Popeye got up and hit Bluto so hard, Bluto was knocked into the real world.
-Popeye can resist mind control after eating spinach. An evil hypnotist hypnotized Popeye into thinking he was a chicken. Popeye ate some spinach, snapped out of it, and then counter hypnotized Bluto into thinking he was a baby.
-Popeye once ate an entire field of spinach to repel a Martian Invasion. He punched through a Martian disentegration beam, grabbed a flying saucer, threw it like a frisbee, and made it ricochet off the entire Martian invasion fleet like a pin ball. After all the Martian ships crashed, the ensuing explosion spelled the word “TILT” across the skyline.
-Popeye has ran down Bluto, on foot, while Bluto was speeding away in a racecar in an attempt to kidnap Olive Oyl.
-Popeye has ran down, and ran past (on numerous occasions), a speeding locomotive to save Olive Oyl, who was tied to the tracks, from being ran over. On one occasion, rather than untying her, he punched the speeding train and turned it into a pipe organ.
-Popeye singlehandedly laid track for a speeding train and punched through mountains to make tunnels for the train so that it could get to it’s destination near the coal mines.
-Popeye has leaped into the air and punched out fighter jets in mid flight.
-Popeye can fly like a fighter jet by spinning his pipe like a propelor and sticking out his arms like wings. When provoked, Popeye can use his pipe as a jet engine propelling himself through the air at mach speeds, even launching himself into space. Popeye can also survive re-entry and falls from sub-orbital heights.
-Popeye has punched fast enough to deflect hundreds of rounds of machine gun fire at close range with his bare fists.
-Popeye has chewed up steel beams and spit the metal out as bullets, nails, and rivets.
-Popeye on numerous occasions has punched people and accompanying objects into cages, cabins, tents, tepees, stuffed animals, toys, etc. On one occasion Popeye was attacked by a Giant Octopuss while he was diving for pearls. Popeye punched the octopuss and turned it into a Merry-Go-Round.
- During WWII, Popeye punched out a fleet of German battleships into individual cages to imprison over 100 Nazi soldiers. Popeye also punched through the gunfire of 10 Nazi fighter jets, in mid air, and punched the planes to splinters that formed a fence and imprisoned the pilots as they landed with their parachutes. He also got a medal of honor from Eisenhower.
-During WW II Popeye once turned out all the lights in his hometown for a bomb raid in a matter of seconds.
-Popeye once punched an enraged Giant King Kong-esque Gorilla into 3 separate monkeys, each covering their ears, eyes, and mouth (hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil) respectively.
-Popeye punched out a giant Moby Dick-esque sperm whale and held it in one hand like a baby as it was dazed.
-Popeye once punched a mountain into a hill because it was blocking his view.
-Popeye once lifted up and bodyslammed the 40 story building Olive Oyl’s apartment was in so that her floor was at street level and he could move her piano in.
-Popeye once walked a tight rope while carrying a refrigerator, a wardrobe, a bathtub, a baby in a baby carriage, Olive Oil, and Wimpy (eating a burger).
-Popeye once punched through super hypnosis vision from a Persian Magician, then punched the guy and his flying carpet turning them into a bazaar with rugs for sale.
-While in Old Russia, Popeye punched through hypnosis vision and spells cast by Rasputin, then Popeye proceded to punch Rasputin through the Kremlin which formed a jail around Rasputin.
-Popeye once punched through magic spell bolts cast at him by a Genie Bluto had used to grant him three wishes. Popeye then punched out Bluto and punched the Genie back into the lamp before tossing the lamp into the horizon.
-Popeye survived having a battle ship dropped on him by Bluto.
-Popeye survived being shot point blank in the face with a cannonball by Pirate Blackbeard.
-Popeye survived being ran over and point blank cannon fire from a Sherman tank, and then proceded to punch the tank into an oven and water heater.
-In Egypt Popeye once punched a Mummy into bedsheets hanging from a clothesline (there was no clothseline before the punch).
-Popeye has punched aligators, dinosaurs, and mad bulls into full sets of leather luggage.
-Popeye has punched a lion into a leopard skin fur coat. (and no, that’s not a typo, he punched a lion into leopard skin).
-Popeye punched out a fire breathing dragon.
-Popeye as a lumberjack chopped down a whole state full of redwood trees with his bare fists.
-Popeye once jumped up and punched the man in the moon in the eye after Olive Oyl snubbed him for Bluto and the moon was laughing at his misfortune.
Where is your god now faggots?, right here, called Popeye