Skiing inspired verse please dont hate

the lines seem too short, like whoever was saying it would sound like they were having an asthma attack

Thats actually pretty good i like it but maybe instead of-Ill Lay you on the mat, you should say-ill lay you out with my ghat haha i dono just seems like it flows more to me

this is pretty good stuff
its hard to stay on topic when you topic is so specific props man

I was trying to work in UFC fighter chuck "iceman" liddell then flow that into ice coast but I ended up using Jackson. presonally I dont like the "stab me in the back part" but its just a work in progress. My friend makes beats but isnt too into lyrics so I want to build it up to a track then have him make a beat so I can thump it when I cruise lol.

thats sick. sounds like a RZA style rhyme

it sounds real sick if you rap it slower instead of real fast then it flows more smoothly. real sick rhymes too man

Don't EVER use Mick Jagger's name as an insult ever again.

thanks guys I'm liking the feed back honest not hateful +vibes

I know your suppose to do music for yourself and I believe I am I just enjoy fooling around with it, but if I did a whole song in this style with a decent beat (that a kicker) would you find it enjoyable? I feel like I cant get a solid story across ya know. like if you listen to "the message" by nas its story based but I feel this is just a bunch of boasting fragments that rhyme. But alot of rap is this way. Basically ya dig?

I could see it working out pretty well, maybe read up a little on song structure, split it into a few verses, a chorus and get some kind of an instrumental bridge in there. It would come out pretty good, and then you could make a siiiiiick edit to go with the lyrics lol.

that's cool man, nice work.

Music, rhymes, art is all about having fun and expressing your mind. So as long as you have fun, keep it real, and stay true to yourself.. Fuck a hater ;) and don't let nobody take your shine.

Keep doing it big!

thanks guys I'll def keep true to myself no matter what people say but I like to hear feedback none the less. I know this isnt exactly what you would call a christian site but that is my faith (nondenominational) and none of you probably have heard of "the solem servant but hes a christian rapper I wrote this verse a week or so ago kind of in response to him and thought id share just to show a different side of my psyche.


Don’t equate my lack of experience as lack of skill
You will surley have your fill
Of rhymes
I think its time to reverse the lost passion
Of affirmative action
Put a gringo on top of the charts
One with a beat that hit the hearts
Of every race
Negro Anglo Latino
Ya’ll know
What im preachin
I hope its reachin
Your minds –You think because your darker
That means your rhymes are sharper
And don’t think because your from the hood
That it automatically makes you good
And don’t think because you got a automatic ghat
That your invincible we’re all human
In the end its not about crime or work
But who you work for
Do not ignore- the teachings and preachings
Of all that have came before
Instead head the warnings of the apocalypse
We are begining to see a glimpse
Of the end days
Don’t be blinded by the purple haze
Rather use it to analize and realize
What you surroundings are
Who your real peeps are
Whos got you back
Or who wants you back
when you turn
Will they defend or steal what you have earned
Don’t give a second chance for this is merely a second oppritunity
For them to chose between the devil’s lust
and your trust
I know it may seem
That they blood but don’t forget Kane killed Abel
This aint no fable
It’s the teachins of jesus Christ


Maybe Big L should have chose
A role model who skin wasn’t rose
Red but its to late for he is dead
Now while hes on fire
I choose to answer to a higher
Power ask me at any hour and I will confess
Jesus Crist as my lord and savior
For he paid the price
Not for himself but four you and I
So when we get pinned
With a sin
All we need to do is start askin
And we will be forgivin
Don’t buy into the idea that my religion makes me soft
While you searchin for multiple partners
Im hittin my one and only in our loft


No disrespect to the late Big L as he was a amazing lyracist but his song Devils son doesnt sit well with christian rappers. I respect his talent.

get Garage Band or any such program, mix a beat, record, post

the skiing one was decent, although i think if you try to start and make rap music you shouldn't fall into what everyone else is doing by making your sole intention to claim hard and brag i know everyone does it and all, but it's weak and you should stay away from it, i find it funny how you get flamed for claiming normally but when you make it rhyme people dig it. same goes to the other ones you posted. i actually thought the first verse of the second one you posted was dopely written, so props on that. i personally disagree strongly with religion, but looking past that it's not bad. keep it up but maybe try to reduce your boasting so that you stay above all the other rappers in that regard, find some other inspiration rather than the "i'm better than you" message that's been getting played for years and years.

Some earlier comments were talking about how an MC can tell a story. Atmosphere's When Life Gives You Lemon, Paint That Shit Gold is a terrific example of this. When I listen, it's like hearing a bunch of little snippets of people's lives. Get it, give it a listen, and note how Slug and Ant make it work so that you can use it as an influence.

When art has nothing to say that hasn't been said before, and doesn't deliver the message or outlook in a different way, I lose interest. You've got some talent for writing, roll with that, but try to find unique and powerful ways to express that in your work. I do think that each person has their own voice or style in what they do, and an artist or person is at their best when they are doing it how they do it, not how anyone else does. Find that voice, whether it takes you ten poems or ten years.

I listened to a lot of his stuff yesterday it opened my mind to a different approach on writing. My favorite part of the experience was a paint it gold youtube video where slug said that by giving aspiring writers the tools they needed he was paying off the artists that gave him his tools. Just thought that it was ironic that I heard that.