MY GREATEST STORY - PART TWO

and then the swedish sisters got back in the car and drove away while we ziped up. Now go back and read part one.

We're on the highway, it's our 1st attept to reach AInsworth hotsprings...45 min outside nelson. We get picked up by a car with tiger stripes on the sides. sweet. she drives us about 10 min and then turns off. So we wait for the next ride. 2 rides later we reach Balfour ferry. it's getting late and allthe cars that drive by are going to the ferry..the wrong way. We're cold so we consider starting a fire on the side of the road. But I look up and see a sign breaking through the trees. 'PUB' it reads. So we venture down a forest road and come to this pub. absolutely empty..cept for the one chick bartender. We get beer, play darts, and listen to rap. It was our bar. So we head back to the road to catch a ride. it's 1 am now..and we're still not at ainsworth. so we decide to take the first car that stops and let it take us wherever they're going. So we start a fire. Toasting my fingers and lungs...a small toyota stops. there's 4 of us, john, iolov, and shingo, from japan. he's small. so we jump in the backseat and enjoy a nice homo ride back to nelson. crash at the hostel after tending to the greens. Wake up and head out to Whitewater. The powder...guys, so sick...had a good day, skiied the backside without stopping, got down and collapsed.....greatest feeling..i was tearful. hippy picked me up. got back, we decided to walk the beach. ANd this is where the greastest story begins. we play on the teeter totters. the end.

haha.ok

so this guy walks past us and we say happy new year and shit....he turns around and comes back. start talking..he's pretty chill. He gave up his life for his beliefs. his company, his wife and kid, and he'd been hitching across canada for 7 months. But hes kind of a flaky christian. the ones that start quoting the bible in mid arguement..and thinking it was so amazing that he could make the connection...but anyways we invited him up to the cave on cryslat creek. He's down. so we start hiking up the mountain behind nelson, behind the college campus by the train bridge. we hit the city's resevior, and head left up the 1st creek. we climb up a little path in the snow, and when we stopped, it was an incredible place. the snow deep, piled on everything, the muted silence that snow creates, the sounds of the creek echoing in the valley. SO magical. We get up to the waterfall where we have to walk over a log to cross the creek. YOu cross over the healing pool that the guy who mined the mountian made at the base of a waterfall. We head into the cave, and grab some candles by the door. I slept in the cave 2wice last year during the winter. SO we go to the sleeping room..yeah, in the cave...and check out the paintings on the wall in silence. the cave silence was intense. I dripped my candle into a wax tree while john stared into a flame in the corner, alex lay and stared at the rock ceiling pondering his next move, and the religious crazy, well call him tony, watched me make my sculpture. we smoked some salvia he had, fresh picked and crushed...it's legal..unless you exctract it..then it's very crazy. he invited us back to where he was staying to meet some people...we head down and get to this house..?...basically a big box with some couches, 2 bedrooms, bathroom, stove and sink. The guy who owned the house, JOe, was one of the coolest dudes ive ever met. He is a big guy, full black beard, he sits in his recliner all day smoking joints and listening to white zombie blast beside his head. Amazing..he was super smart, and he was an unbelievable painter. he had paramount rent a painting from him for a week for 1400$...hes good. Joe had his entire ceiling covered with records. A large salvia plant growing in the window. Buds on the table. a guy in the corner staring wide eyed at the wall, talking and laughing at himself...a girl on the couch wearing almost nothing..but as I found out that was because she lived in the woods for 4 years on her own. she told me how to kill squirrels, rabbits, birds...crazy. I bought a chicken, and they demolished it like animals. it was awesome. SO we are invited to stay there instead of 60$ a night at the hostel. sweet. now I can buy greens. SO this guy in the corner starts to half communicate..it's like he's participating in our conversations..but talking to himself, and If i happen to catch what he said, it was always really insightful. wonder why. so this crazy collection of misfits gets unbelievably crazier. IN walks joe's neighbour. Ihmotep. A huge guy wearing some kind of robe and a round hat with some crazy symbols on it. 'Come outside' he says to me as the power goes out. i follow him and he points up without sayoing anything. I look up at the moon, glowing through a cloud....no lights from the city..made it look wild. Ihmotep knows lots of spells. He showed me how to control peoples minds....kinda wierd. All of the guys were into Dungeons and Dragons pretty heavy. I never got that game. I played once with a guy in grade 8. He was like 'Ok, you're an elf and you're walking through the woods and you see a cave. what do you do?' 'uhhh....go in?' 'you can't, you stepped in a bear trap' 'oh. can I get out?' 'no' 'I hit it with a hammer''nothing' 'can I take out my sword?' 'no.' 'uhh...pull the trap apart' 'can't' 'uhh, i hit it with a rock' 'nothing.jeez.. ok, a fairy flies down and pixie dusts it open.ok?' 'uhh..ok. i go in the cave' 'you can't see' 'do I have any way of making light?' 'nope' 'ok, i walk forwards' 'you fell in a pit of eurethra fish and camel shit. you die. wanna play again?'

that game sucks. so yeah. I have to keep going. Enter the most amazing person I have ever met. His label is Mark. he's wearing a sheet. he speaks slowly, clearly, and his eyes are bright and alive and very unstable. he begins to tell a story to Iolov. I listen in. It's his life story sort of. He starts talking about how the girl he loved stabbed him in the neck at a rave with a needle and then raped him with 10 other people. He described staring out a window and having no comntrol over his body as they took his sexuality from him. kinda wierd. Joe tells me he's cool and that I should talk to him. So I go into the kitchen and talk to him while he picks at a chicken. this is how it went:

- hey mark
-hey man
-can you finish your story?
-yeah, for sure. well, when I was growing up, I was really smart. I never went to class and got 100% on all their tests. I would never go to classes and still get the best marks in the country. eventually after passing all the tests, they figured I was some kind of genius. Soon I was meeting with the leaders of canada to help them figure out how to run a country's economics. They used to get me to figure out the equations for entire economic systems. They would plug in numbers into my formula, the imports and exports of a country, and they would plug in billions of dollars, all theoretical money, and I could enter that amount of money into the worlds economy. I could take over japan in 5 min if they gave me the right equipment.
-are you serious?
-yeah man. thats just the beginning though. I was regularly meeting with world leaders and important people. I know bob marley. He's still alive.
- really.
- yeah. I knew so much that they considered me a liability, so they took me to a secret facility where they fucked with me. They reconstructed my body with muscle fiber 30 times as strong as normal. (he starts showing me all these freaky scars all over his body.....it was fucking freaky.) i used to be 7 feet tall. (he decided to throw that in there just when I thought it couldn't get any crazier. and then he opens his mouth again) They made me run on this special track that slowly tilted and shrunk until i was running perfectly horizontal kept in place by running in a circle and my head would barely move. I could run 100 km/hr. One day I freaked out because I was sick of the shit and lonley. I started throwing things and breaking stuff.they put me in a room to cool down. I punched holes in the wall, and I kicked the door so hard the whole wall collapsed. They came out and said 'mark, you're going to have to pay for that wall.'. They decided to get me some company. They found this girl and she volunteered to become like me. they made her bigger and stronger. I loved her..but she got scared and they took her from me. I lost it. I escaped and went to find her. I found out she was going to a rave in toronto, so I went. That's when she stabbed me and raped me. I think they made her do it. Then i went to see her later, and she came screaming out of the house yelling 'who the hell are you!??!?' i almost died. she doesn't even talk to me after stealking my sexuality and heart. the cops take me away. All of a sudden in jail, they tell me I killed a bunch of people. they arrested me, no trial, and they put me in a mental asylum. They used to electorcute me for hours. They put electrodes on my scrotom. they made me sterile. I had people fuck with my head every day for years. once i was nice and insane and had no idea of who I was, they released me. Thats when all the people I killed came up to me and started crying, saying that they were all alive and they were so sorry they had no choice.
- Are you just fucking crazy man?
- no, im serious. for the longest time I thought someone was trying to kill me.
- so you're the most amazing human being ever..you're stepen hawkings, the Hulk, the Flash, a world leader...and you're here in this house in Nelson wearing a sheet?
- yeah.(his head has been heavily fucked with..not to mention lots of acid..he has years of blackness in his memory from when he was a child.) I haven't forgotten a single thing in 8 years. I remember everything..it's wild.
- SO you just mind fucked me man. (he knocked me on my ass in the kitchen so i was laughing crying and staring into the oven at the red hot element as my head pounded from the mindfuck he gave me...like a cock rammed through the center of your skull...it was crazy.)
- yeah, it happens. Im just gonna sit here and move some space and time if you want to join me. I also designed a satelite system..it's orbital path. and I think I helped design a fighter plane...(as he slowly, perfectly flows into the living room...almost invisible movement.)

Tony comes up to me and says 'talking to him is like taking a hit of acid yourself'

no fucking kidding. SO im spent and i crash out on the couch.

Oh, you think that's the climax? oh no my friends..that's in part 3

Part 3 will come out today.

the end of part 2.


Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one.

bring Back The 60's!!


stealin and dealin screamin semen like a demon
ya dropped the mc soap
here comes the ass ___________,
what, you dope, can't figure it out?
thinkn so hard your ears are steamin?
ha ha
and loo loo la foo

i duck under mc's
lassos of used rhymes and beats, claimin impressive feats, y'know what? it's your feet
they stink, did you crawl from under a sink?
whats that around your girl's neck
a dead stinky mink?
did you hit it with a brick?
no
a stick?
what, you have a little prick?
killing animals for vanity, don't you know that shit's insanity
what? my profanity?
is that your issue against me?
it's ok, because i know you can't see.