Sophomore in college and I thought I was done with this
bullshit, but apparently the police can't get enough of me. It's because I
listen so well! Like I really listen! I donno, I'm high, which is where my
story begins. I was getting driven back to my apartment, sitting in the back
seat with two fine young ladies, smoking bowls with my one of my best friends
and these girls from his dorm. /Claim... haha. Anyways, great end to the night,
I thought.
No more than a hundred feet from my apartment we see completely unexpected blue
lights. Dammit.
However, I've been dry for a week waiting for heads and the girl who had been
smoking us up had already left so I figured we were mostly good except for my
friend's gorgeous heady bubbler he got for $240 at Full Tank in Burlington.
Really cool looking. Anyways, my friend (fuck it, his name is Alex) played it
off really well. The officer seemed like he was gonna leave us alone. He told
us we'd be on our way soon... then another officer showed up. Immediately knew
shit was about to hit the fan. Naturally, no one believed me.
Soon as the other one had parked the first one came back and started
interrogating Alex about weed. I refrained from going second grade on his ass
and saying "I told you so", despite my burning desire to do so. He
was still pretty cool though, said he didn't want to the officer searching the
car for personal reasons. I tried rubbing his shoulder awkwardly to maybe get
the officer to think we were gay to rationalize Alex's story, but (claim again)
the remaining girl in the back was pretty much on my lap despite the entire
seat being open /claim. Mission failed. The officer hinted about dogs if we
didn't cooperate... seriously?
Anyways, the girl sitting shotgun caved even though she wasn't being questioned
and handed over her eighth (come to think of it... she let the other girl pack
all three bowls even though she had that... what the fuck?). So she got taken
out and then the officer started really pressing us about the dogs. I asked the
officer if he found anything on our records that had caused him to suddenly
attack us when it seemed like there wasn’t going to be a big scene. He joked
with me about it, then asked me to step out of the car. It’d probably be good
to mention at this time that I was wearing the following shirt, which the
officer somehow hadn’t noticed yet…
[img]http://media.nscdn.com/uploads/cache/images/1221023383-627859-600x450-12210230030910080054a.jpg[/img]
Deep sigh… then I crawled out of the backseat. I’m in the middle of Court Diversion right now from the story I posted in March, I really don’t need police attention. He started laughing at my shirt, I joked about how I was wondering what he’d think. At this point my primary goal was to get them comfortable so maybe Alex could salvage his precious bubbler. With dogs imminent, Alex did the right thing and let them search the car, and then did a complete 180 and made a critical mistake by telling them he had a bubbler. More on this later.
I immediately started talking to the other officer. Where I was going to school, what I was studying, etc. He was pretty chill, got everybody involved in a pretty decent discussion given the circumstances. Asked him about his tazer and then if he would shock me to “see what it felt like” (read: get badass points and pity points with my female companions simultaneously haha). He said it would knock me on my ass and I asked if we could do it on the grass then. He laughed but declined – thankfully. I was kinda completely kidding earlier. That shit would hurt like hell.
It was about this time the officer searching the car came back and consulted with the second cop, who said, “Well we didn’t find your piece, guess you get to keep it”. Alex laughed nervously (and pitched a tent, he loves that bubbler) and said goodbye. But his mistake came back to haunt him, the girl in the back seat with me is crafty and stuck it in her purse in some crazy pocket they didn’t see when they searched it. But the first cop said he wanted to take another look at all our bags because Alex had said he had a piece and it had to be somewhere. Jackass. A second investigation revealed the bubbler. R.I.motherfucking.P.
After that they left us alone. No citations or charges, which was great. I felt terrible for my friend, but it could have been worse. So yeah… fuck the police. Yeah. Viva la revolucion. All that shit. It was just a fucking story, if you read all that for something else that sucks.
Cliffnotes: Are you fucking kidding me?
