I thought Canada was too cold for killer death spiders of evil. Seriously, I live in the mountains of beautiful British Columbia, the only thing growing here should be weed, pine trees, and samsquanches.
I was taking a shit, and a fucking black widow climbs up the wall beside me. It was shiny black with a red hourglass and it scared the shit out of me. I didn't get a picture because it was dead faster than you could say Toilet Paper.
Then I open the door into my garage and dangling inches away from my head is this monstrosity. It's the biggest spider I've ever seen in Canada or the US and it explains the lack of the former fly infestation of my garage. It's pretty friendly and it cleaned up the garage so I'm going to let it live. I've named it Douglas.
That's my extra meaty pinky in there for size reference. The pictures are kinda blurry but the camera is a piece of shit and the garage is dark.