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March, 2024

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UPS gripe sheet...hilarious must read!

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562056961108
Posts: 0 - Karma: 575

UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P:Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Aug 5 2008 12:38PM
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babujib
Posts: 5039 - Karma: 104
hahahah thats so funny i can see them getting bored and writing this shit though thats what i would do
Aug 5 2008 12:42PM
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First.Aid
Posts: 556 - Karma: 10
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

Bahaha favorite one, nice find!
Aug 5 2008 12:42PM
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Malcolm
Posts: 15949 - Karma: 9,431
haha those were hilarious. alot of them sounded like stupid pilots tho
Aug 5 2008 12:44PM
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dbchili
Posts: 2555 - Karma: 1,657
a-mazing
Aug 5 2008 12:45PM
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Powdered_Donuts
Posts: 2180 - Karma: 187
roffle!!!!! thats awesome
Aug 5 2008 12:46PM
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bradcoffey
Posts: 582 - Karma: 31
haha those were funny
i liked the 1st and 3rd ones the best
Aug 5 2008 12:47PM
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seine_Dudeheit
Posts: 2282 - Karma: 16
Hahahahaaa, wtf. ... Number three Engine missing?
Aug 5 2008 12:54PM
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Ryno
Posts: 31125 - Karma: 336
Holy shit those are funny!

I'm trying not to bust out laughing right now (hard to do in a super quite office :P)
Aug 5 2008 1:20PM
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Jibmaster_J
Posts: 491 - Karma: 8
same here
Aug 5 2008 1:33PM
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josh.
Posts: 3469 - Karma: 42
that was so funny this desivers caps


HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

HA
Aug 5 2008 1:37PM
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cottonwoodarmada1651
Posts: 1734 - Karma: 40
As a pilot, that's pretty freaking funny.  But for the record, you don't need a college degree to fly.




Aug 5 2008 1:43PM
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urbanjib
Posts: 1801 - Karma: 255
thats way funny...
Aug 5 2008 1:45PM
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BeerGoggles
Posts: 712 - Karma: 11
Same, but this one got me...

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
Aug 5 2008 2:13PM
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Holte
Posts: 10730 - Karma: 7,744
I couldn't help it. Two of my co-workers came over to read the list once when I started laughing.
Aug 5 2008 2:26PM
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skier151
Posts: 50 - Karma: 10
i think it means skipping, or not running right.
Aug 5 2008 2:35PM
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Jodi
Posts: 4215 - Karma: 745
Same here....the whole office just heard me read the best ones outloud.
Aug 5 2008 3:19PM
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PASKIINGSUCKS
Posts: 9097 - Karma: 777
ding ding ding yes sir, misfiring is usually just called missing. Although I know absolutely nothing about airplane engines.
Aug 5 2008 3:30PM
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cottonwoodarmada1651
Posts: 1734 - Karma: 40
Jet engines don't misfire.  And I've never heard the term "missing" used in reference to an airplane engine...no idea what they're talking about there.


Aug 5 2008 3:33PM
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SKIDUBAIGUY
Posts: 3018 - Karma: 8

Its all made up as a joke, originally from Australian airlines, someones just changed the airline in there.

Also, about the engine, engines can fall completly off cowlings, it happens, i went in the A380 simulator with my dad last week(he flew the first Emirates a380 to NY) and we did a simulated engine fire+engine missing circuit.

Also, you dont need a college degree to become a pilot!

Aug 5 2008 3:39PM
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tomalom
Posts: 350 - Karma: 10
 
Aug 5 2008 3:43PM
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NC-skier
Posts: 423 - Karma: 49
I love the last one! hahahaha good find.
Aug 5 2008 3:46PM
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cottonwoodarmada1651
Posts: 1734 - Karma: 40
It may happen but that would be a pretty big deal - i.e., not the kind of thing the pilot would just write down in the maintenance log and be like "Oh, by the way, the plane caught fire and the #3 engine fell off."  That's sweet your dad flies 380s.



Aug 5 2008 4:01PM
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mellifluous
Posts: 1682 - Karma: 68
hahahahahah that was good
Aug 5 2008 4:06PM
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Barf.
Posts: 1188 - Karma: 123
Heard this before, but still hillarious.
Aug 5 2008 4:51PM
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Mooose...
Posts: 1807 - Karma: 77
hahaha thats sweet.
Aug 5 2008 5:31PM
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dweezileast
Posts: 9661 - Karma: 276
no way!! your dad flew that monster? i cant wait to ride on one of those bad boys
Aug 5 2008 5:42PM
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tommihq
Posts: 905 - Karma: 11
Heard them before but still laughed. Especially to the engine missing
Aug 5 2008 6:27PM
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Tinga
Posts: 11349 - Karma: 2,333
the bugs on the windshield and the midget ones were my favorite.
Aug 5 2008 6:36PM
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Flowsion
Posts: 1461 - Karma: 11
that was awesome!

btw, i think by missing they mean not running.
Aug 5 2008 7:35PM
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Silence
Posts: 16030 - Karma: 149
haha great stuff!!
Aug 5 2008 8:22PM
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reverendwrong
Posts: 3145 - Karma: 142
yay u figured the joke out!!!!! congrats!!!



i literally loled for like 5 min straight
Aug 5 2008 8:25PM
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jsaya_SagStraps
Posts: 1840 - Karma: 29
wow that is gold, every1 looked at me like i was crazy
Aug 5 2008 8:29PM
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sHrEdAgE
Posts: 930 - Karma: 11
where did u find thin
Aug 5 2008 9:01PM
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snwbrdmilf
Posts: 22441 - Karma: 2,805
Hahahaha wow those are great. Good find!
Aug 5 2008 9:29PM
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comeatmebro
Posts: 10720 - Karma: 66
airplane mechanics go to specialized schooling for 4 years...
Aug 5 2008 9:32PM
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Hansel.
Posts: 4583 - Karma: 112
bump
we need more of these
Aug 5 2008 11:59PM
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doritos
Posts: 7368 - Karma: 53
Hahahaha fucking awesome.
Aug 6 2008 12:08AM
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doublexl
Posts: 8407 - Karma: 26
hahahaha i love this one

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
Aug 6 2008 12:17AM
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KarmaSkiier
Posts: 461 - Karma: 6
i like the flight attendants that actually joke around with you when your getting ready to take off they always make the trip fun.
Aug 6 2008 1:22AM
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mattster
Posts: 4120 - Karma: 41
These are linked from my flight schools website, along with these two which are pretty funny.

* Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
* Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
* Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

* Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
* Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."



Aug 6 2008 1:36AM
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[BRI]noceros
Posts: 2319 - Karma: 40
haha bump, this is great
Aug 7 2008 2:39PM
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fujarome
Posts: 8630 - Karma: 1,561
Its somewhat of a generic aircraft joke but still hilarious nonetheless. (I think it started with the military, due to the one that mentions a targeting radar, which to my knowledge would almost definitely never be installed in a commercial plane.) And Qantas is the only long lasting airline with no deadly accidents
Aug 7 2008 3:31PM
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SKIDUBAIGUY
Posts: 3018 - Karma: 8
Click for larger image

My dads far right, they had 4 pilots because of the distance, my dad did cruising on the way there, and take off/landing on the way back.
Aug 7 2008 4:07PM
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fujarome
Posts: 8630 - Karma: 1,561
...i want to be you. Or actually your dad. To be an airline pilot is an accomplishment, let alone be the pilot on the first commercial flight of a new type for an airline. How long was that flight anyways?
Aug 7 2008 4:38PM
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SKIDUBAIGUY
Posts: 3018 - Karma: 8
12 hours and 30 minutes

And my dad used to fly in the red arrows, so its all cool.
Aug 7 2008 4:41PM
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East526
Posts: 328 - Karma: 141
thats great and pretty amazing no accidents
Aug 7 2008 5:06PM
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comeatmebro
Posts: 10720 - Karma: 66
word dude my uncle and cousin are pilots, and it seems so awesome. i am contemplating between going to be a pilot, or an air traffic controller. i'm leaning towards the ATC, simply because it's an easier job and they generally get paid more haha.
Aug 7 2008 5:21PM
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SKIDUBAIGUY
Posts: 3018 - Karma: 8
Atc is super hard, thats why they get paid more, my dad was going into ATC before he switched to being a pilot. And, ATC guys are now mostly sitting in rooms looking at screens, you most likely wont be in the ATC tower these days. Plus, flying feels so much better, BUT pilots could soon be gone, and jobs in the industry will slowly decline as oil prices increase, i strongly recommend you go into the military as a pilot, more flying time because of goverement oil.
Aug 7 2008 5:26PM
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cottonwoodarmada1651
Posts: 1734 - Karma: 40
Depends on where you work.  Working somewhere like Chicago would be super hard and stressful, somewhere like Salt Lake City, not so much. 

And yeah, definitely a really really shitty time to be getting into the airline industry.


Aug 7 2008 5:38PM
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fsscott
Posts: 4684 - Karma: 114
hahaha this is so ppriceless
Aug 7 2008 5:44PM
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