Hey guys, sorry for the delay on this one. We didn't pick a winner until this morning because we were too busy indulging in other activities last night at my birthday party. I then wanted to wait to hear back from the winner to make sure he could make it so we didn't run into another incident like we had with the Golden Ticket.
So, without further ado, the winner of the Pulitzer is...Eric Ardissono. Eric sent us a bad ass and spot on essay quite some time ago, and threw in a picture for good measure. The photo was so good that we ended up considering him for the Centerfold as well, which he ended up in 2nd place in.
We got a LOT of essays and I want to thank everyone for all of the time and effort they put into them. We received some very funny and very touching essays and this wasn't an easy choice. However when you take a look at the winning entry, I trust and hope that you'll think we made a good choice...
Dear Whoever Reads This from Newschoolers Staff,
I would like to start this letter by saying that you are a beautiful animal and a destroyer of worlds. That said, on to why I am truly the premium choice as your official bitch for one magical week this summer. To begin, when you think official bitch, I ask you to think of one word that comes to mind. I will guess that word was "domestic," and oh boy does that describe me to a mestic. Cooking and cleaning for random strangers that verbally and emotionally abuse me is one of my favorite pastimes, and I really think this position would allow mutual satisfaction for both parties. The next thing you want in an official bitch is probably some boy-wonder man-candy to act as a wingman. If you simply view the picture below and imagine me with clothes and all that ink washed off, I think you'll see exactly what you're looking for. Not only am I completely adorable, ready to pulse off my charm towards any lady of your fancy, I am also conveniently above the legal drinking age in Canada, allowing me to use this charm in the bars. My availability to be taken to bars will also help you in bar fights. Say you pick a 16 year old who is destined to wait outside the bar for your every beck and call, and you happen to get into a fight. Well, you're gonna have to finish that fight alone buddy, whereas I could be there to go completely apeshit on your behalf. In all, I would love to serve you like a steadfast butler on crack during the Camp of Champions, if not for the above reasons, than simply because all I had was a sharpie and that shit took forever to wash off. I thank you for your consideration and I look forward to providing incessant aid to you,
P.S. I'm straight, despite what the picture may lead you to believe.