K help me out here.
here is an uploaded sample of the flow and the beat:
http://media.putfile.com/Disorder-sample
I'm making a new song and I know it doesn't flow in some places. I just went through it here to show you what the flow would sound like (yeah I know my voice is really flat in it).
How should I use my voice in the song (more sage francis poetic style/new atmosphere style, or more eminem or something, be original), and tell me where it really doesn't work at all. Also, if I should mix up passages where would be a good place?
---
We’re in chaos
Disorder indeed
One mic mixed with a chaotic dream
It seems so right but it’ll never gleam
Like the knife in the pocket of the hoodlum’s jeans
And the grim reaper stalks as he rocks the night
The sickle slightly slices just like the pen that I write with
The ink blots the page, sets up the stage
And the drama unfolds, no escape in this cage
The rage builds up every steadily
The minds mold to the hypocrisy
It’s sad you see, a living hell it’ll be
It’s sad you see, it’s not meant to be
Devils in the night get paid without a degree
Stealing, raping, owning us using TV
Social status is what it’s worked up to be
Hierarchy-based population I mean
Yeah, I might think big, got it down to a T
Work hard and you’ll make your ends meet
Time to greet reality mister, get off your ass
Start making some cash, flick off all the ash
Clean it up, bring back the time that we ask for
City life’s so fast you’ll never be bored
Abhor intellectuals, bring fame to the vegetables
Fuck all the men who get their medicals
Clean, cause’ gangster is the way to be
If you got popped once, record deals are free
You a G? That ain’t aight with me
I’m a speak your language nigga, holla holla holla yeee
I’m running a race, but no hundred meter dash
I’m a marathon runner who is racing toward some cash
Try to make a living, working off minimum wage
Take a leaf from my page, I concede I’m no sage
But I got wisdom well beyond my years
I’ve seen the horrid acts of the men without tears
They call themselves hard but they got so many fears
This is why they stand up against the cries they hear
Yeah you can cheat death while I cheat life
My conscience is what stops me from getting hyph
And I stop, drop, and roll to avoid the knife
That stabs my heart hard to create my strife
I can’t press pause and then restart
My life’s continual like the blood to my heart
Metaphors roll, but society ain’t smart
They can’t decipher what I say, what I impart
It’s like a sleep dart came and punctured their skin
Next of kin is needed, next generation’s in
The game that we play, we just let them win
They don’t believe in sin so Peter lets em in
NGP can’t stop, NGP will walk
NGP doesn’t watch 106 and park
NGP is fresh, NGP got skills
But the public doesn’t notice all the times he’s been ill
I flow like a robot, sick rhymes overtop beats
I want to let you know how I feel, so take your seat
Your mood is like a soy dog, it’s only fake meat
When I ask you to sit down you best dodge the heat
Do what I say, just get hypnotized
The lyrics are the fix to your paralyzed mind
My mood is a pork rind, meat through and through
So when I put my hand in the air, best follow suit