A Day in Life of an Evil Conservative
By Alex
I woke up as usual around 10:30 and noted with deep satisfaction that the prols were already working for no less than 3 hours, sweating around the steel mills and automobile plants, making the CEO rich. I had a light Atkins-friendly breakfast consisting of a pound of Beluga caviar and poached eggs of American Bald Eagle. I yelled a little at the servants for failing to procure freshly chopped dolphin liver, but it was too early to get really loud.
I then went for the unnecessary drive in my Cadillac SUV dragging behind me a trailer with a huge boat, which I did not need, but it looked impressive. I drove for about 200 miles in the second gear, just wasting gas. When I pulled up to the gas station, I spilled at least a pint of gas on the ground. They say it buggers up the ozone layer. I like that! You didn’t pay for it, so don’t tell me what to do with it! To cause further damage to the atmosphere, I had a lunch of beans.
I noticed a blind beggar with the hat and some coins. I swiped the money and send it as a donation to Halliburton. I’m sure they’ll employ this capital better than the useless beggar.
While chopping down the ugly 400 year old oak tree, I noticed a stray cat. I tortured it a little, to offer myself a pleasant diversion.
It was a fulfilling and useful day.
