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time traveler busted for insider trading?

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coz
Posts: 1754 - Karma: 11
keeping with the theme of time travel that has been running rampant of late, i thought i would post this. as insane as it sounds, many of us might agree that the scenario out forth by the alleged insider trader is wholly possible. so here it is..

(taken from http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003


By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

'We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar,' says an SEC insider.

'But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

'The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources.'

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

'If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance,' says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

'It was just too tempting to resist,' Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. 'I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment.'

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge 'historical facts' such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his 'time craft.'

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could 'fall into the wrong hands.'

Officials are quite confident the 'time-traveler's' claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, 'No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002.'

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.


Apr 21 2003 2:03PM
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sconniestyle
Posts: 3945 - Karma: 26
someone posted this on the wacky news part. but it is still funny


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Apr 21 2003 2:09PM
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coz
Posts: 1754 - Karma: 11
my bad.
Apr 21 2003 2:37PM
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dspin7x
Posts: 6414 - Karma: 63
hahah ya thats a pretty funny article, maybe he really is from the future if we ever caught anyone that was we would simply jsut say they are crazy so who knows
Apr 21 2003 2:39PM
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freezed
Posts: 12973 - Karma: 500
thats funny...800 to 350 million. i wish i could do that


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Apr 21 2003 2:40PM
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mauii
Posts: 6166 - Karma: 32
thats really quite possible. Who knows what could be possible 200 years from now? What sounds crazy to us right now may be quite ordinary that far in the future.

-Mike
Apr 21 2003 3:05PM
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sconniestyle
Posts: 3945 - Karma: 26
man, the reason that the story is believable is because that is exactly what anyone of us would do if we could. think about how much money you could make. who knows if someone like bill gates isnt from the future, but did a better job of covering it up then this dude. i know gates is kind of a bad example cause he grew up here, but who knows what could happen man.


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Apr 21 2003 3:26PM
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TAK
Posts: 5007 - Karma: 14
Lets hope that dude can get back to his time machine. What a barbaric time we live in.
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Apr 21 2003 3:28PM
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petek
Posts: 8762 - Karma: 12
you know, that mite even be possible


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Apr 21 2003 4:53PM
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Sean14456
Posts: 4792 - Karma: 38
what a moron

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Apr 21 2003 5:03PM
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Nine_Milla_Killa
Posts: 6783 - Karma: 23
How else did he do this?
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Apr 21 2003 5:06PM
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Mills
Posts: 1123 - Karma: 12
smells like bullshit to me
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Apr 21 2003 5:25PM
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WIfreeskier
Posts: 8125 - Karma: 65
haha i'd go back to the revolutionary war with a fucking rocket launcher and finish the war before it got too complicated so i wouldn't have to take these damn tests on it in school...
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Apr 21 2003 5:43PM
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Papa
Posts: 4718 - Karma: 11
that's hilarious, but what if he is telling the truth....think about it
Seize the carp
Apr 21 2003 6:00PM
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MadTrixter
Posts: 3262 - Karma: 8
i always thought, if you traveled around the world a few times faster than the speed of light, you would be able to see things in the past, but not interact with it


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Apr 21 2003 8:39PM
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lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
that is so crazy if the guy came from the future, what if someone else went back and killed Hitler, what would happen then, would we not knowingly forget about him, I mean that seems like its the only thing possible, but the whole course of the world would be changed and people wouldnt be here, thats just crazy
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Apr 21 2003 9:09PM
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petek
Posts: 8762 - Karma: 12
seriously, who knows, maybe the future is completely different then today. Masybe time travel is possible


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Apr 21 2003 9:15PM
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What_A_Wookie
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 21
sounds like some hardcore donnie darko shit

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Apr 21 2003 9:16PM
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theBOSS.
Posts: 4705 - Karma: 496
Ok, heres my idea about time travel.

Say that in the furute someone DOES go back in time, and kills someone important. Someone said hitler, thats a good example. If someone did go back and kill hitler, I dont think it would change our memories as it happened. I think it would be like a whole other 'branch' in the world. Kinda wierd to think about, but when they killed hitler they created a new future, right? Our world isnt gonna magically change into what the other future would be like. They would create a new future, but we would be completely unnefected, while the other alternative future would proceed with history starting with where the time traveler interrupted.
Apr 21 2003 10:41PM
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jono
Posts: 1744 - Karma: 22
and sticking with the weekly world news, bat boy is at it again
Apr 22 2003 1:09AM
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andyrightcoast
Posts: 5220 - Karma: 18
lol, Slashdot even got tricked by this article

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Apr 22 2003 1:16AM
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Dallan!
Posts: 3668 - Karma: 11
indeed





above the clouds?
Apr 22 2003 5:42AM
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What_A_Wookie
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 21
I definetely agree, we wouldnt change (or disappear for that matter), there would simply be an alternate future that would procede as ours had
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mm, they're really good. so tender and fresh and...yeah the cookies are good too, lol -petek on the topic of Girlscout cookies
-Lagwagon is a moron....
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Apr 22 2003 8:38AM
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lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
i get it so there would be like alternate dimensions of the future, maybe then people will make dimension travelers so you can go through the dimensions
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Viva la Resistance!
Apr 22 2003 10:19AM
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rebel
Posts: 5198 - Karma: 22
If it was on the internet, it must be true.

Your alternate future theory actually kinda makes sense. It's like a change in the past couldn't affect anything for us, because by the time the ripple gets to now, the moment would have already already passed and therefore cannot change our future. It's not like another dimmension, it's just a ripple effect that can only move only move as quickly as time. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go bang my head against the wall a couple of times.
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Apr 22 2003 12:22PM
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Nine_Milla_Killa
Posts: 6783 - Karma: 23
Cruz your theory doenst make sense. If someone from the year 3000, went back and killed hitler in our time-line, then we would know he was dead because for us, that would be the past. People in Hitler's time-line wouldnt know because WW2 hadnt happened yet... they would think it was part of life. Also, maybe we have already had time travelers in our midst without knowing it, maybe Hitelr was a time traveler...? the point is we wouldnt know since we all think he was supposed to be in our timeline. Maybe he wasnt... Nobody can be certain. But my theory is that if someone did go back and kill hitler, then our universe would change instantly, and we would have no recollection of this one.
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Apr 22 2003 12:45PM
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andyrightcoast
Posts: 5220 - Karma: 18
nah, nmk, hes talking about alternate futures. Our future doesn't change because for us that event already happened, but an alternate future branches off from that moment, we just don't experience it. Its tough to think about it.

I believe I've read something about there being an infinate amount of universes, the so-called 'Multiverse' where there is a universe for everything that could have possibly happened at every given event.
-Andy

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Apr 22 2003 12:47PM
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coz
Posts: 1754 - Karma: 11
doesn't the theory go that there is a universe in every particle? (something to that effect). that would mean that it's possible to have an infinite number of different time-branches operating simultaneously amongst one another. from there, we could say that since we already knew about hitler, nothing would change for us if he was to be killed by a time traveller, but all those living in his time branch would be affected.. i'm sure there are many holes in this theory, i'm just thinking out loud.
Apr 22 2003 1:14PM
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andyrightcoast
Posts: 5220 - Karma: 18
yeah I know what you mean, sounds like what I'm thinking of.
-Andy

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Apr 22 2003 1:46PM
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j.bird
Posts: 6680 - Karma: 15
holy shit, this started out with a crazy article, and now it is starting to get deep. kind of hurts you head if you think about it too much and try to keep track of other peoples theories, and how they work.
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Apr 22 2003 2:42PM
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yeti
Posts: 6335 - Karma: 17
there was a story about multiverses being proven on slashdot about a week ago i believe.

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Apr 22 2003 3:19PM
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wiener
Posts: 2247 - Karma: 63
you gys watch to much back to the future movies
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Apr 22 2003 3:27PM
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Jackpot
Posts: 4243 - Karma: 136
time travel is impossible because time does not exist...time is our interpretation of change in the world. You cannot reverse change

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Apr 22 2003 3:38PM
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coz
Posts: 1754 - Karma: 11
here's the article, originally from scientific american.

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=000F1EDD-B48A-1E90-8EA5809EC5880000
Apr 22 2003 3:38PM
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andyrightcoast
Posts: 5220 - Karma: 18
Time exists, lol. Its the 4th dimension.

Kinda like this

Length.. width... depth... TIME



-Andy

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Apr 22 2003 4:00PM
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lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
both theories kind of make sense, NMKs does because if things changed instantly like that and we had no recollection of them, the past could be changing ever second and we wouldnt know of any different past, because we couldnt, the alternate dimension one also seems to work because there would be so many changes and someone could have gone back and destroyed the world, and were still here
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Creator of the NS Cousin Exchange Program

'Hey look, it's a Zamboni.' My not so intelligent friend after he saw the Loon Gondola

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Viva la Resistance!
Apr 22 2003 5:34PM
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Dallan!
Posts: 3668 - Karma: 11
eangu





above the clouds?
Apr 22 2003 6:13PM
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What_A_Wookie
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 21
i cant really make a real decision...imkinda messed right now but hey...I just can't really comprehend the knowledge ive obtained, the things ive done...becoming non-existent...I kind of like to believe that even death isnt the final step...So i dont know if you can really take away something/someone that has already been..
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mm, they're really good. so tender and fresh and...yeah the cookies are good too, lol -petek on the topic of Girlscout cookies
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Apr 22 2003 6:51PM
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Mills
Posts: 1123 - Karma: 12
its physically impossible.. case closed
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Apr 22 2003 7:09PM
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Snowcase
Posts: 11456 - Karma: 634
Why bring this back?
Jan 22 2008 6:27PM
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freezed
Posts: 12973 - Karma: 500
haha I posted in this thread 5 years ago
Jan 22 2008 6:33PM
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DANETRON
Posts: 6671 - Karma: 137
probably searchbar'd someting relatated to the stockmarket
Jan 22 2008 6:34PM
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KRASHED
Posts: 7803 - Karma: 466
someones been sleeping the past two days
Jan 22 2008 6:36PM
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Snowcase
Posts: 11456 - Karma: 634
Or possibly skiing?
Jan 22 2008 7:03PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,168

this thread made me think then i saw that it was from 5 years ago and i was disapointed cause i wantd to see waht happened to teh guy

Jan 22 2008 7:14PM
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TheButterHashira
Posts: 9691 - Karma: 1,702
 The weekly world news will continue to cover it. Just go pick up a copy at your local supermarket to see whats going on.
Jan 22 2008 7:18PM
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whattheshit
Posts: 6562 - Karma: 107
this is from a tabloid.

you're all chumps for arguing over it.
Jan 22 2008 7:26PM
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KravtZ
Posts: 6637 - Karma: 2,629
i garentee you that this it true becuase think of it the governemtn does so many fucken things that they dont tell us about like that ufo thing on the news the other day and im sure they try crazy things like this and in another 250 years this could be possible to the average person so who knows...
Jan 22 2008 7:40PM
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KRASHED
Posts: 7803 - Karma: 466
someone missed the "April Fools" memo.
Jan 22 2008 8:01PM
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