So apparently the Iranian president has sent Bush an 18 page letter. No, I'm not joking. It's a rather odd political tactic. I can just see how this whole thing was planned out. I have determined that this must have been how it came about and what the letter says:
Tensions between our president and George W. Bush are far too great. Therefore, we have decided the best way to ease this is through what we call a "PPPP." This is the Presidential Pen-Pal Program. We propose that each president writes letters to each other that tell them some information about themselves. The presidents will address issues such as: What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? What is your house like? What do you do on Friday nights? Etc. We think that this will accomplish a great deal...despite the fact that this process annoys first graders world wide.
Hello. My name is Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I am the president of Iran. How are things in America?
The first thing you will notice is that Iran is very different from every other nation. One thing that makes us unique is that we don't want to wipe Israel off the map. Don't be fooled by what I said on international TV. It was a cunning plan of reverse psychology to promote high sprits in my country. The same thing goes for the holocaust too. It actually did happen...despite the fact that I said that it didn't...though it might have...though I don't think it did...never mind what a said in a deliberate public spectacle. It was an April fools joke. Hahahaha! It's just a misunderstanding because of the translator. If only the UN had better microphones! Hehe.
Oh! Guess what! Speaking of bombs...I did mention bombs before didn't I? Anyway. The coolest thing happened to me yesterday! I recently discovered how enrich uranium. I'm going to use it for energy...and not atomic nuclear death bombs. Sure, we could have just bought uranium from Russia who has a more than ample supply to sell...but hey, what's the point of having Lego's if you can't build that cool MoonBase 3000. Did I say we aren't making bombs? It's true, Defiantly not. Nope. No way. Defiantly not making bombs here. I don't even know why you brought them up. No nukes here.
I live in a quaint presidential palace. I have a cute little dog. He's a Jack Russell terrier named Osama-Maja-Hash-Kajit-Bin-Daiha-Fajula-Kishev-Al-Ad-Jihad, I call him "Scraps" for short. The whether here is nice here and my favorite color is sunshiny yellow. BTW, I just passed a law that now lets women legally attend sporting events. Isn't that just so innovative?
Uh oh. I can hear a cleric calling. It must be time for supper and to bow to Mecca. They get awful mad when I don't do my chores. Write back soon.
Stay tuned for dubya's response.