Yeah...well, this friend of mine. We'll call him Reed. So he's independently wealthy, and so hitting up bars is pretty awesome with him. I wasn't there for this experience I'm going to share with you, but I heard it from another friend of ours who was. Still funny. So they're out at the bar, and Reed says alot of things. As of now, he's Captain Spokane, since he's been to spokane 4 times. He knows the entire city. So he gets off on telling chicks this, just because he's drunk and funny. Did you know when he goes to grocery stores in Spokane, he puts his hands out, says open, and the doors slide open for him? Yeah. He really is the Captain.
So this one night at a bar here, someone convinces him he should go hogging. (for you younger kids...probably 16-18 or younger. Hogging is where you go out, and try and find the fattest chick you can, and go home with her, fuck her, and take some type of trophy. Reed is very drunk. There aren't many fat girls there, so he finds a chick who's a bit overweight, but has huge tits, and she wants him to go home with her. She has a history Reed doesn't know about. Basically, had he gone home with her, he probably would of had ass beads stuck inside him. Seriously. So my friend is trying to convince him to just leave, because as funny as it would be, we actually like him. So they're leaving, and since he's had about 18-20 drinks, he's out of control. He says.."Just a minute, I have to do something" So he runs up to this chick he's been herded away from, and says "Hi." and grabs her giant tits, one in each hand, and buries his face, and starts moving it back and forth, so her titties are slapping him all over the face, and he's stuck in her cleavage. Then, he stops like nothing happened, didn't say a word, and walked away to leave the bar. That my young friends, is fucking awesome.