this is from great member slim. i found it so great i needed to post it. this is what goes on in the NWFT cult... if you want in message me or other members.
Apr 9 2005
I was waiting for some one to ask...
Well, it all started back around the begining of the year when I was at my friend Spencer's house. He has this hampster name Maxxx. He did some wok in the porn industry a while ago thus the "xxx" in Maxxx. (If any of you are south park fans you know his work) Anyway, my other friend Mikey (who was really drunk) was sitting on Spencer's step just petting Maxxx on the head. Mikey was looking really creepy because of the lights and everything so it had everyone kinda freaked out. Anyway, while Mikey was petting Maxxx, Maxxx bit him and Mikey dropped him and then Maxxx ran away. We looked and looked and looked but alas, we couldn't find Maxxx anywhere. This made Spencer really sad because Maxxx and Spencer had formed a special bond. I don't know what kind of bond, and I'm not one to judge, but I have a feeling it must have been a really special bond because Spencer was heart-broken. We did all we could to try and cheer him up but nothing worked. Spencer stayed sad for quiet a while until we all forgot about it.
All this happened at the begining of the school year. Recently, Spencer, Graham (another friend and Spencers roommate) and I have been playing soccer on this really good intermural team. We are undefeated. So, I was over at Spencer's house one day before a game drinking some beer and just hanging out when all of a sudden this GIANT hampster busted through the wall like it was the incredible hulk or something. It was all big and musclely and had patchy fur and huge drool covered fangs. After the initial shock we all soon realized that it was Maxxx. We were so happy that we all ran up to pet Maxxx and wish him a happy return to his home. Spencer (naturally) was the first to run up to Maxxx with open arms, and to this day I will never forget what happened.
Ok. So when Spencer went up to pet Maxxx, Maxxx spit this toxic residue stuff into Spencer's eyes just like in Jurassic Park. Then before Graham and I could do anything Maxxx pulls out an AK47 from nowhere. He starts spraying the hell out of the place. Bullets are flying everywhere, glass is breaking, babies are screaming and Graham and I are running and ducking and hiding for our lives. Just as Maxxx was running out of bullets he hits Graham in the leg. Graham goes down and starts yelling, "Nick, Get yourself outta here! I'm a gonner!" and I was all like, "Graham, your the best player on the team, I'm not going to leave you behind!" (We both realized Spencer was screwed so we didn't worry about him) So Maxxx keeps shooting until he runs out of bullets. I ran out of my hiding spot to get Graham and get to the soccer game, but Maxxx jumps inbetween us. He knows that I wont leave without Graham. I look around real quick for somewhere to hide or a weapon or something. Thats when I spot the magic wand Graham and Spencer keep hidden under their couch. All the shooting tore up the couch so that I could see the wand. I picked it up and thanked my mom for those three long years she made me spend in Hogwarts. (Harry Potter and I had a fight over a peice of ass so I didnt much like it there. Harry Potter, always thinking hes so fucking cool. I got news for you, HE'S NOT!!!) Anyway I put a sleeping spell on Maxxx and quickely ran past him to grab Graham. I drug him outside to safety and we were about on our way when Graham said I should go and get Spencer. I tried to argue but Graham said that Spencer and Maxxx were such good friends that it didn't seem right if Maxxx killed Spencer. Reluctenly I agreed and went back in to get Spencer also. As I was dragging Spencer out of the house Maxxx woke up. He completely caught me off gaurd. I only had time to throw Spencer through the still open door before Maxxx sank his large slime covered teeth deep into my sholder. It hurt like no hurt I have felt before. I could feel the blood running out my body and down my arm. It began collecting in a pool around my feet. Maxxx wouldn't let go. He was hungry and only human flesh would satisfy. I begged and screamed for Maxxx to let me go but he refused. Finally I said I would bring him some one else to eat. Maxxx thought that sounded ok and let me go. I of course lied because I thinking eating people is wrong, especially if you are a giant mutated hampster who once made a career out of running through gay TA colins. So Graham, Spencer and I ran off to our soccer game and won 5-0
There is a man, A certain man, And for the poll you may be sure that hell do all he can, who is this one whos favorite sign just by his action has attraction magnets on the run, who likes to smoke, enjoys a joke and wouldnt get