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PartyBullshiit
March, 2024

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Stages Of Drunkeness

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Lé.Skiing
Posts: 10035 - Karma: 8,122
0 - Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.

1 - Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.

2 - Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.

3 - Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a while blanks are filled with random letters and numbers.

4 - Barmaid complimented on choice of bra. Partially visible when bending to get packets of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of pretzles one by one.

5 - Have brilliant discussion with guy on the next bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for wining lottery, sort out Denver Broncos defense problems.

6 - Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on cocktail napkin. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them you love them. Call girlfriend to tell her you love her and she still has an amazing ass.

7 - Send drinks over to woman sitting at table with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of love on five cocktail napkins and Frisbee them to her across the room. Boyfriend asks you outside. You buy him a Slim Panatela.

8 - Some slurring. Offer to buy drinks for everyone in room. Lots of people say yes. Go round the bar hugging them one by one. Fall over. Get up.

9 - Head-ache kicks in. Michelob tastes off. Send it back. Next bottle comes back tasting same. Say, "That's much better". Fight nausea by trying to play old Space Invaders game for ten minutes before seeing out of order sign.

10 - Some doubling of vision. Stand on table shouting abuse at all four bartenders. Talked down by bartender's wives, who you offer to give a baby to. Fall over. Get up. Fall over. Impale head on corner of table. Fail to notice oozing head wound.

11 - Speech no longer possible. Eventually manage to find door. Sit and take stock. Realize you are sitting in pub cellar, having taken a wrong turning. Vomit. Pass out.

12 - Put in cab by somebody. Give home address. Taken home. Can't get key in door. Realize you've given address of your local gym. Generally pleased at way evening has gone. Pass out again.

_______________________________________
-Last Element Freeskiing

-'Hitler was a smart man. He came up with more ways to cook a Jew than George Foreman did to cook a piece of meat.'-Skiierman

Apr 13 2005 1:11PM
0 0
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d-loc
Posts: 7479 - Karma: 15
taking into account speed of drinking

--------------------------------- ---- -------------------------------- Some people talk it, some people live it, some people walk it-some people give it... deal with it. D-Loc AKA Shaky Bones... Original, Unique, and One of a Kind.
Apr 13 2005 1:14PM
0 0
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supervore
Posts: 613 - Karma: 10
haha, thats some good stuff, even though he sounds like a lightweight

Apr 13 2005 1:17PM
0 0
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Sharpy
Posts: 7596 - Karma: 19
not too accurate in my drinking experiences

0- sober

1- the beer tastes so godo when it hits your lips

2- things start getting funnier, you laugh longer and harder at things that aern't usually that funny

3- start slurring if you speak too fast and aern't concentrating

4- troubles walking

5-will start talking to random girls, thinking you have all the charm in the world

6- vision starts getting very distorted

7- start running around a lot and thinking everyone is your "homie" and giving them props

8- think it would be funny to lick a car stopped at a stop light

9- fail to break the enigma that is a door knob

10- passed out

DL.CCR.PPP.J-CREW
Apr 13 2005 1:17PM
0 0
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Sharpy
Posts: 7596 - Karma: 19
that is my stages of drunkness, not reltaed to # of beers drank

DL.CCR.PPP.J-CREW
Apr 13 2005 1:18PM
0 0
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genericname
Posts: 808 - Karma: 10
mine is like 1-3 then the rest is blacked out

DRINK TILL YOU THROW UP
Apr 13 2005 1:33PM
0 0
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k2_kodi
Posts: 727 - Karma: 11
haha i know exactly how this goes, in stages not by how many beers

1-just arriving, parched. drinking as much beer as i can, as fast as i can

2-demolishing beer pong. better aim after a few drinks

3-singing and playing guitar with other intoxicated friends on the porch. addressing anyone who speaks to me as 'bud'

4-two cups, two times the fun

5-hanging with my friends: jack jim and jose

6-everyone is my friend at this point. mostly because i'm hanging on them so i can walk and stand up. repeating the phrase "i'm not drunk. i swear"

7-trek to the pizza place. talk to all the homeless people and then devour three slices the size of my head

8-return home and watch sportscenter until i pass out

9-repeat the next day.




Ski the Springs, Rock the Hut
Apr 13 2005 1:59PM
0 0
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J.D.
Posts: 21362 - Karma: 5,141
"There are 5 levels of drinking... 6 if you live in a trailer park, but never mind that now, we will deal with 5."

God I love that routine.

-------------------------
When the truth is, I miss you.
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so.
And I�'m tired...
I should not have let you go.
Apr 13 2005 2:05PM
0 0
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KingShit
Posts: 4483 - Karma: 7
"8-return home and watch sportscenter until i pass out"

Nothing is better then falling asleep to sportscenter shitfaced.



-People say marijuana ruins your life, I just say I take the scenic route-
Apr 13 2005 2:08PM
0 0
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Apple
Posts: 7906 - Karma: 33
thats pretty accurate... although iv never thought to lick a car befor... maybe ill try that.

Like a virgin on promnight! -Thom Savery please pardon the cacography Capital.City.Rider..Phunkin .Phatt.Phreerider. 'naahhmahhnahh hahh h ... i mean ... the weekend of monday' "go down to the bottom bunk and finish yourself" "I may be the last to cross the finish line, but at least im in the first race - pun intended"
Apr 13 2005 2:13PM
0 0
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Kevo
Posts: 2374 - Karma: 136
1- Take 2-4 shots to pregame- start off with instant feeling of goodness

2-Chill for the rest of the night drinking a few beers an hour, but not enough to get sick




To love the times we have
To like what makes us sad
To live when others die
To lose and say goodbye
To last until our moment comes
Apr 13 2005 2:20PM
0 0
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reezyfbaby
Posts: 2308 - Karma: 13
i remember when you wanted to lick the car.... "justin dont lick the car!!!!!" --lauren

-CCR-
"listen trebec, ive lost five years of my life trying to invent an anal bum cover, failing to do so remains as my greatest regret."
--sean connery
Apr 13 2005 2:31PM
0 0
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Shaggy
Posts: 4349 - Karma: 17
110% agree about the sportsnet thing, i always end up getting caught in the loop though, it just repeats every half hour...

me and my friends have devised the different types of drunk

stage 1: Country Drunk
Attained when at the cottage surrounded by friends, drinking profuse amounts of licour. Tend to be outside during the summer sitting on the dock or beach. because everybody is sitting down and not making any sudden movements nobody realizes how hard the alcohol hits them. when they stand up to piss, it either takes them several attempts to become erect, or they fall flat on their face and try to play it off like nothing happened

stage 2: Jimbo Drunk
Named for my brother, the best guy I've known. This is when you're walking around, double fisting the brew, smashing into everyone and everyhting not noticing the multitude of impacts. When you laugh it sounds more like a crow than a human laughing.

Stage 3: Irish Drunk
When you and all of your male friends are standing in a line hugging eachother, swinging around your brew singing at the top of your lungs any sea chanty or celtic song that comes to mind. You've thought about the advantages of being strung up arm in arm with all your buddies, the chances of falling over are reduced, or if you fall over, everyone goes, and you look like less of a douche. Your eyes seem to have lost their use, you only differentiate the difference between eyes open, and eyes closed, but not one of your friends from angry bouncer, or 50 year old fat chick.

Stage 4: Farmer Drunk
You've lost all use of limbs, and when you try to ask for help from your friends, you realize you're far past simple slurring, all you can muster up is i quiet groan. It feels like you're living in a shell that you can't escape, you can't move, talk, or quite understand what people are telling you. You start to reflect on life and all that is beautiful or wrong in the world. Before you know it, you're balling your eyes out, and dont feel yourself stopping anytime soon.
Named after all the farmers that drink too much, are sitting on their porch watching their cattle slowly walk off his property through the break in the fence, and finds that he cant stand up cause he's too drunk, tries to call for help, but can't talk, and just resorts to crying.


-Anthony
Apr 13 2005 2:44PM
0 0
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squeakywaffle
Posts: 1800 - Karma: 13
0- sober
1- feeling a tiny bit dizzy, alcohol tastes the same
2- more dizzy, brain still functioning fine, alcohol still tastes the same
3- saying a good amount of random shit, running into stuff on the ground, alcohol starting to taste better
4- out of it, alcohol tastes like water, still have a vague idea that I should "stop drinking" (point of no return)
5- totally gone, falling over things, will quickly consume any alcohol in the area.
6- sitting down, feeling like shit... puking guaranteed. (this usually follows 5, even if no more alcohol is consumed)

_________________________________________ ____
i never wash my hand. hell, i eat pizza while i'm taking a shit.
-seanPISTOL
Apr 13 2005 2:51PM
0 0
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