asian_allen$
Karma : 193854
18025 Posts
Post Whore

Sep 6 2009
9:41:09

So this is long overdue, we made this trip in late July to Hood. Here's the hilight of the week and a half trip.


The Setup
5 skiers, 1 old van, 2 tents, camping at the airstrip at Hood. 1 crazy axeman who tried to kill me.


The Bear Crew

Allen aka Ninja Bear
http://newschoolers.com/web/members/profile/member_id/75791/

Erik aka Papa Bear
http://newschoolers.com/web/members/profile/member_id/89949/

Austin aka Speschul Bear
http://newschoolers.com/web/members/profile/member_id/67891/

Paul aka Deuce Bear
http://newschoolers.com/web/members/profile/member_id/67715/

Leo aka Bear Cub
http://newschoolers.com/web/members/profile/member_id/67777/


The Story
So I suppose the story begins on maybe day 4 of our trip. We made the drive from Minnesota to Oregon, got settled into our campsite, and got our first day of skiing under our belts. With mediocre fire making skills, a case of PBR, and the weekend beginning, we were ready to make friends with our campsite neighbors.

By nightfall, our fire is sort of blazing, and we have a solid crew of campers, skiers, and boarders chilling and drinking at our campsite. Quite suddenly, one of the guys asks me, “Hey, are you asian_allen$?� Completely stunned, I stutter as the girl with him asks me, loosely quoted, “Why would you ever want to turn your ski boots into rollerblades?� So the guy, now introduced to me as Bret, adds in, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you called me a cunt on newschoolers in that thread.�

Now, me being pretty drunk at the time, and a little embarrassed, apologized with no hard feelings, and gave him a peace offering of a sleeve of oreos that we had looted off of an abandoned RV. It was chill, it’s just the internet.

All was well after that, we shot the shit, I showed off my hackjob SPK mod, and Paul was talking mad shit to these conspiracy theorist snowboarders that were real high and such. The night ended and everyone went back to their tents.

The next night, we repeated the process, but Bret and his California friends didn’t show for round 2. Our crew unwinds and we head to sleep. So we have 2 tents and a van. Erik has been sleeping in the van in the shotty position, he’s a pussy. Paul and Leo are sharing the bigger of the two tents, I had been sharing the smaller tent with Austin for the past few nights, but it came to my attention that everyone else brought sleeping pads and me, oblivious, had been sleeping on the cold hard ground with a pillow of my own clothes. Feeling stupid, I decide to crash in the van in the 2nd row.

Me and Erik talked skiing for a few minutes in the van as we got to sleep, but suddenly, at some point maybe 10 minutes after we crawled into our sleeping bags, we heard this crazy yelling echoing through the forest. It starts getting really loud, and then this guy comes running into the light, and starts wailing with his fists on the bigger tent.

Erik is watching this in confusion, and I sit up and am completely baffled by what I am seeing. I look at Erik and I’m just like, “What the fuck is going on?� In that period of time I’m not watching, Leo bolts out of the tent, runs around the van, and jumps into the driver seat. Paul is left in the tent, but nobody knows that. I Look back and the guy is walking towards the van, and he’s got a huge axe in his hands. Like, a legit axe. Not a hatchet. An axe, a two hander, a huge fucking axe.

Now Erik is trying to find the keys and digging in the glovebox for the spare, I’m frozen up, and Leo is stoned not doing anything. The guy reaches the van, and opens Erik’s door. It felt like it took way too long for Erik to react and slam the door back closed. (Note: The locks on the doors don’t really work that well, as Paul proved when we were driving through Montana, when he slid the side door open at 70mph. He said he was just seeing if the locks worked. Moron.)

The guy pulls the door open 2 more times before Erik gets it locked so he can keep looking for the keys. I’m sitting in the back still in disbelief, yelling, “Austin, is that you?� Hoping to god it was our 5th friend playing a joke on us. The guy hefts his axe into his hands, and starts banging it on Erik’s window. Now we’re really freaking out. There’s no way this was Austin, and now I’m thinking that something seriously messed up is going on. Erik finally gets the keys into the ignition, and Leo, of course, in classic Hollywood fashion takes way too many tries to start the van.

With the Axe still banging on our windows and doors, Leo pulls the van in a 180 degree turn and floors it out of the airstrip, with the crazy axeman chasing us. He comes pretty close, he’s running real fast, but we lose him as soon as we pick up speed. Paul was dead. The axeman had to have gotten him. Austin was probably dead too. Erik is trying to call the ranger station. We need to drive into Govy camp to even get service, stupid AT&T. We get the answering machine. I yell for him to call 911, but he says no, it’s just going to call the police in Minnesota.

After 10 minutes of yelling and swearing, we decide to head back to the campsite, there were at least a dozen other people camping around us that had to have seen and heard what had just happened. Halfway back to camp, Paul calls me. He’s freaking out, but then we get too close to camp and I lose service. We pull up to our tents slowly with the side door open, ready to scoop up Paul and Austin, but there’s still fires going at a bunch of the other campsites. We stop the van and park it. Paul is freaking out, he has a light in his hands and is spinning in circles, not wanting to turn his back on anything. Austin is standing with him, not freaking out.

Trying to figure out what had just happened, we walked to our neighbors about 200 feet away. They said they heard the screaming from the guy, and watched the axe attack go down. They said he actually walked by their camp, and asked them from a distance, “Where’s Allen?�

So then all my friends stare at me.

Moral of the story, never call someone a cunt on newschoolers.