The best gaper quotes - Ski Gabber

lazf$
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Jul 8 2008
10:21:40AM

i have head jon olsson pro model from this year
i'm in the single line, and behind me there is an old 65 years old man.
He stares at my skis and he says:
Is that your sister??? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Me: hahaha... no
He: CUZ SHE IS HOT! HAHAHAHAHA!

creepy

Zebre Films 2008

k-rob
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Jul 8 2008
10:41:46AM

Quoting lazf$ from Jul 8 2008 10:21:40:
i have head jon olsson pro model from this year
i'm in the single line, and behind me there is an old 65 years old man.
He stares at my skis and he says:
Is that your sister??? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Me: hahaha... no
He: CUZ SHE IS HOT! HAHAHAHAHA!

creepy

whoah! not only was he old, but he was 65 years old! but yeah, that's kinda creepy i guess.

hit little kid snowboarders with your poles, tell them to smarten up and buy some skis, then launch a sick 720 tailgrab off of a 30-foot cliff.

i get offended when somebody calls me a muggle. it's not as if i had a choice in the matter )=

"Faunt got bigger!" - youknowwhosaidit

Peter.$
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Jul 8 2008
11:21:24AM

Quoting Brieb

from Mar 11 2008 1:08:18:
I hate that shit soooo much. According to anyone that doesn't know freeride, a backflip is the world best and only trick. If you can't do a backflip then you must suck nuts in their eyes.

for me everyone asks if you can do a 360, especially younger kids with twins.

its like once they can do a three, they can put in a sponsockoskdoer vid

Take TGR's granola dick out of your mouth.
- Maximumsushi

panojibber
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Jul 8 2008
12:04:05PM

I did a 5 off a roller beside the ski school at my hill and they all freaked out.

A buddy of mine (I know, I'm ashamed) has the full orage TJ schiller suit from last year, and we were talking about what companies made our gear. He comes out of nowhere and is like "my coat is made by some guy named TJ schiller".

I told a guy I hit a 50 footer and he asked me if I was pro.

A kid at my school didn't believe me when I told him I could get out of COPs superpipe.

A CSIA guy who was teaching me the park and pipe stuff so I could get certified for park and pipe freaked out when I started the run in for a 30 footer and told me to slow down by saying "woah". Huge 180 to case. He gets down to the bottom of the tranny and is like "WTF!!! WOAH MEANS STOP."

A kid at my school thinks backseat 3s are "steezy".

On my school ski day I did a switch 3 off a roller and a couple kids freaked out, couldn't believe it.

A kid's ski popped off a bunch and I told him to turn his DIN up. Another kid I was skiing with asked me why you needed DIN if you weren't skiing park.

A kid on my ski team got boots that were like.... 2 sizes too big for him, so he could grow into them.

A skier on the chairlift accused my cousin who snowboards of pushing all the snow to the side of the run and making it icy, just because he was a snowboarder.

A kid at my school thought he saw sammy carlson at sunshine learning to do lincolns.

I've heard of the superpipe being called a jump ditch.

A race coach on my ski team was impressed by an old school train, but I give her credit because she's like.... 55 and she learned 3s this year.

Balto

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Jul 8 2008
1:52:32PM

racer:so do you ski park?
me:ya
racer:do you do those flex spins?
me:you mean butter spins?
racer: no the ones where you flex your skis and then spin off a hill

treebeard$
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Jul 8 2008
8:43:52PM

Quoting chazz. from Mar 14 2008 8:44:13:
-after noticing my athems-
"you have your skis mounted the wrong way!"

hahahahaha yes!!! when i got mine i was with my gaper friend. first thing he says is-
"dude, how do you know which way is forward??? and how can you ski without bindings??!!!!"
not lying

Newschoolers is to skiing what Google is to the internet
-blondie.

julianmcginn$
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Jul 8 2008
8:59:56PM

Im looking around on NS and my dad looks at this one urban pic (via Heff) and my dad goes, skiers.... on grass... other people think like you.

Beer is so much more than a breakfast drink
-Josh Bibby

josh.
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Jul 9 2008
4:10:51AM

i was riding the lift with a couple gaper snowboarders and below the lift is a guy teeching his daughter how to ski, so the one kid says "good way to make moguls" the other kids laugh and i laugh as whell but more at them, so then they see a pole on the ground and one says to the other
"we should take that pole and go ski boarding"
"whats that?"
"its when you snowboard with poles, ive done it alot, a few companies wanted me on there teems but i turned them down"
"o cool"

yeah there was alot of spelling mistakes in there what are you going to bout it

sack
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Sep 11 2008
3:09:57AM

Quoting panojibber from Jul 8 2008 12:04:05:
I did a 5 off a roller beside the ski school at my hill and they all freaked out.A buddy of mine (I know, I'm ashamed) has the full orage TJ schiller suit from last year, and we were talking about what companies made our gear. He comes out of nowhere and is like "my coat is made by some guy named TJ schiller".I told a guy I hit a 50 footer and he asked me if I was pro.A kid at my school didn't believe me when I told him I could get out of COPs superpipe.A CSIA guy who was teaching me the park and pipe stuff so I could get certified for park and pipe freaked out when I started the run in for a 30 footer and told me to slow down by saying "woah". Huge 180 to case. He gets down to the bottom of the tranny and is like "WTF!!! WOAH MEANS STOP."A kid at my school thinks backseat 3s are "steezy".On my school ski day I did a switch 3 off a roller and a couple kids freaked out, couldn't believe it.A kid's ski popped off a bunch and I told him to turn his DIN up. Another kid I was skiing with asked me why you needed DIN if you weren't skiing park.A kid on my ski team got boots that were like.... 2 sizes too big for him, so he could grow into them.A skier on the chairlift accused my cousin who snowboards of pushing all the snow to the side of the run and making it icy, just because he was a snowboarder.A kid at my school thought he saw sammy carlson at sunshine learning to do lincolns.I've heard of the superpipe being called a jump ditch.A race coach on my ski team was impressed by an old school train, but I give her credit because she's like.... 55 and she learned 3s this year.

hahaha wow.
bump in anticipation of the new season!

what if a thread on newschoolers was 10000 years old?
http://community.freeskier.com/videos/video.php?video_id=393

seine_Dudeheit
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Sep 11 2008
4:37:45AM

last week we had some guy here in the company. He will probably build some crazy xtreme sports dome or sthg. in moscow and abu dhabi and what not, but has absolutely no clue about any of those sports, he wants to promote there. We had to make the presentation for him and he was like jea, I want this one sport were all those crazy guys jump off cliffs and over jumps with skis ... I dont know how it is called - lets call it X ... skiing or xtremeskiing ... just something with X - people like that.

I hid behind my monitor and was couldnt believe what I just heard

. . . : H A E K M A N D A S : . . . we rule you since 2007!

HM© m² productions

zues$
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Sep 11 2008
1:28:45PM

my friend's second time skiing:

Him: Wow skiing in powder sucks
me: .... rrrright

East Coast

schlopy
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Sep 11 2008
5:50:17PM

Some skin head snowboarder was sitting right below the knuckle of the last jump in the big bear open and during parctice i was working on sweitch leftsides so naturally i had less control anyways i proceed to train not knowing of the idiot in the landing. Took off and instantly freaked out and started to flail like a dying pigeon only to tap his board. That dumbass tried to fight me like you idiot, look in the landing before you hit the jump... i was like you know what man were both fine and im sorry, shook his hand and skied away. Moral of the story is skinheads have aids.

Ze blown knee isnt even zat cool.

crussell
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Sep 11 2008
5:58:19PM

Quoting schlopy from Sep 11 2008 5:50:17:
Some skin head snowboarder was sitting right below the knuckle of the last jump in the big bear open and during parctice i was working on sweitch leftsides so naturally i had less control anyways i proceed to train not knowing of the idiot in the landing. Took off and instantly freaked out and started to flail like a dying pigeon only to tap his board. That dumbass tried to fight me like you idiot, look in the landing before you hit the jump... i was like you know what man were both fine and im sorry, shook his hand and skied away. Moral of the story is skinheads have aids.

for some reason your moral made me spray ice tea all over my keyboard....thanks

schlopy
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Sep 11 2008
6:04:54PM

Quoting crussell from Sep 11 2008 5:58:19:
for some reason your moral made me spray ice tea all over my keyboard....thanks

i'm sorry!

Ze blown knee isnt even zat cool.

crussell
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Sep 11 2008
6:08:34PM

Quoting schlopy from Sep 11 2008 6:04:54:
i'm sorry!

it was mostly just my lap, i kinda exagerated, so dont worry about it, only minor cleaning required.

schlopy
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Sep 11 2008
6:11:55PM

Quoting crussell from Sep 11 2008 6:08:34:
it was mostly just my lap, i kinda exagerated, so dont worry about it, only minor cleaning required.

good

Ze blown knee isnt even zat cool.

PC.Jibber
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Sep 11 2008
6:15:48PM

During the ussa junior comp @ the canyons (in painted horse)...
ok its during the second run, and all of a sudden thes two spanish speaking snowboard skinheads came, ducked the rope to the top of the course, and used me and my buddy as start poles(correct term?) like those things snowboarders push off of to start a comp run... so this is while one of my other friends is on course.... anyway, the guy gaper goes and sits i nfront of the first box( a tiny box) while his gf goes and totally takes out the jump to the c-box... all the while we're goin: GET OFF THE COURSE, THIS IS A CLOSED COMP!! and the gf turns around and screams: FUCK U!!! FUCKU FUCK U FUCK U!!!! so they keep going, and the bf wont move from the knuckle of the first jump... the gf tries it, and eats fucking shit...... we had to get the all of the judges to make them leave....

Rope means: dont go there.

Riding up the lift a gaper snowboarder looks at the jumps in the park and says: i thought u werent supposed to go over the moguls...

In the amazing event of crazy deep pow, your skis may be used as a flotation device.

-some really sick powder skis I saw @ the local shop.

skithesprings$
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Sep 11 2008
6:36:24PM

i think everybody with twintips has heard this one several times.
Gaper "can you do a backflip?"

__________________________________________

***********************************************************

7SPRINGS is so hot right now.
-------------------------------

grown-ninja
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Sep 11 2008
6:48:34PM

i know it s pretty much been said but

you ski
me:yea
o i though ud snowboard
me:no i ski
(they act supprised)
me: im a cool skier
what kind of skis do u use
me:(after a lond prossess i allways break down) ya know trick skis
o well can you back flip
me:yes
(acting supprised once again)

hotdogs and handrails

Myke
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Sep 11 2008
6:49:36PM

Quoting tribefan226 from Mar 11 2008 9:24:22:
old gaper: r those skis made by line (cuz i find most old people think all twins r made by line)
me: no k2
old gaper: theres a chicken ur skis. (pointing to front of my right ski, 07 fujatives)
me: dont think thats a chicken, its a guy
old gaper: spends the rest of the lift ride scraping all the snow off my ski with his pole marvelling at the "pictures"

That sounds hot. How big was his pole?

Just like to say that one time i peed in my moms plants by the kitchen. - andres3000

Sweetums

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Sep 11 2008
8:00:23PM

Quoting andyg from Mar 22 2008 7:48:40:
Skier bashing heel in and out of binding...a while later they are still there:
"Excuse me, I think my bindings are broken. They don't work anymore - I can't get my boot to stay in".
...release lever was in upright position.
I LOLed.

haha when me and my friend were getting on the lift, the gayper in front of us dug his tip into the ground and his ski fell off so we brought it up. we put the heel down and i wanted to fuck with the adjustmant because our rental shit is,well, shit and all you have to do is push a little plastic lever with like ur pinky to make it move but i didnt cuz that a little too far. well at the top it took the kid like 5 minutes to figure out that the heel was down. we just watched him laughing

Martin Luther King had a dream, it was to put up a 200 foot high fence to keep Mexico out. ghosts and aliens, moving like some shadows descised as Canadians

jason...$
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Sep 11 2008
8:08:30PM

Quoting reverendwrong from Jul 7 2008 9:50:57:
.......sad.....u realize no one buys theyre children hellbents right? Its all demographics....PEs are used buy a younger demographic than the hellbents. name one person that owns hellbents that is under the age of 16.

bryce. on ns got his hellbents when he was 15 and skied them all that season

Blow their shit up. Nothing teaches bitches more than a stick of dynamite up the vag. - Elijah. ................. to prevent this thread from being deleted I highly suggest you show us your boobies or something.... -iggyskier ................... You know why niggas don't give you much respect? Cause they seen you gettin' smacked with the empty gat.

OMGWTFBBQ
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Sep 11 2008
9:08:17PM

i was riding with a buncha good kids at the local mtn.

my dad rides up looking wicked gay and goes nice helocopter it looked steeze.

shorty after that i ended mylife

J~Weis

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Sep 11 2008
10:56:08PM

Quoting Steezasaurus from Mar 10 2008 9:03:13:
gaper: are those tricky skis?
me: yes
gaper: so you can like do tricks and stuff?
me:...yes
gaper: so you can like do grinds and helicopter spins??
me:...........sure
gaper: so are you like spansorized and are in like the xgames with shaun white???
me:....no
gaper:....can you do a backflip??
me: no! you fucking gaper, why the fuck do you and all other peopl like you with your fuckin skiblades come in a park and proceed to create a cluster fuck of bitches and destroy all of our lips and jumps by going 3 miles over it and just going down it and cutting people off and make complete assholes of yourself. god fuckin dammit! alot of people can do backflips and do "helicopters" and grind, you along with the rest of your gaper parasite need to just d=stay out of the park and make everyone happy. fuck!
gaper: ( some high school rich kid) proceeds to get teary eyed

i don't believe that ever happened.

The Wonder Bunch

Free June

skieasy
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Sep 12 2008
12:09:01AM

Quoting grown-ninja from Sep 11 2008 6:48:34:
i know it s pretty much been said but

you ski
me:yea
o i though ud snowboard
me:no i ski
(they act supprised)
me: im a cool skier
what kind of skis do u use
me:(after a lond prossess i allways break down) ya know trick skis
o well can you back flip
me:yes
(acting supprised once again)

hahahhahahahahah.

'im a cool skier.'

that was glorious.

not that funny but one time in alyeska there was this lady who had all this fancy gear and stuff like brand new skis and boots and helmet and a full zebra print outfit and she had her goggles on upside down.

DallasC$
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Sep 12 2008
12:53:47AM

my aunt, refering to my p.e.'s, "have you ever tried to water ski on those."

owheeeeeeeeee.

Jballz
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Sep 12 2008
1:57:32AM

I was walking to the lift up at timberline this summer, a groupe of people from texas or something stop me and asked me a ton of questions, the best one was..
gaper: so where is the elevator to the top of the mountain
me: you mean the chairlift to the snow field
gaper: no the mettle box that goes to the very top
me: i start chugging water so i dont laugh in his face.

another was
gaper wife: when does the shinning tour start, the whole reason we road triped up here was to go on the shinning tour.
me: sorry there isnt one
g wife: but they shot the movie in this hotel
me: no they filmed the outside shots here, the rest of the shots were taken at a studio.
gaper husband: dont you correct my wife boy, the whole film was shot at this hotel.
me: im late for work i have to go, and i see them storm out of the hotel a minute later( i had to wait and see there reaction)

An10a_Eng
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Sep 12 2008
11:33:17AM

Quoting -Mugatu$ from Mar 10 2008 9:00:25:
My friend went to play it again sports to see how much he could get for his skis and the guy asked if he "bent the tails up himself"

shit. i work at a play it again. that just makes us all look like gapers. bet hes the guy that says snowblades are for tricks. and btw its usually better to sell the stuff yourself

wh@t
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Sep 12 2008
12:04:12PM

Quoting An10a_Eng from Sep 12 2008 11:33:17:
shit. i work at a play it again. that just makes us all look like gapers. bet hes the guy that says snowblades are for tricks. and btw its usually better to sell the stuff yourself

+ karma for info!

one time i was skiing from my lift to the drop in to the rail park a short distance away and i was buttering for the hell of it because i love soft skis and i love butters. there are 2 snowboarders down slope of me, the higher one being regular, the lower goofy. the one who is regular slowly moves down slope and connects with the other Xtreem boarder and their boards lock and they fall onto each other. when i say their boards lock i mean they basically looked like skis bases when youre looking at someone lying down when theyre clipped in.

heres the kicker, i stop and say whoa you guys alright?
reg boarder: it was the skiers fault!
me and friends: what the fuck?! who the fuck do you think you are? that was your shit dumbass.
reg boarder: no you were doing all your sliding spins and i hit him because of it.
Pete (friend): fuck you kid go die
goofy boarder just gets up and rides away
reg boarder: oh my GOD! i need my other board back, this one is such shit. (rentals ftw)

as long as you hyphski and go dumb, everyone will have a good time at the slideshow.

80*s4eva
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Sep 12 2008
2:06:27PM

Ok so its funny when people who know nothing and know they know nothing ask stupid questions. WHat really pisses me off is when people know nothing but act like thier expert.

Especially snowboarders and ski-bladers.

Snowboarder-"Hey man you're pretty good."
Me-"Yea"
Snowboarder-"You would be way better if you started snowboarding. You can get so much higher and spin a lot faster on a snowboard, they are meant to do tricks.

Ski blader-"I don't see how you do tricks on skis- these work way better. Me and all my friends used to ski but snowblading is way easier. Plus you can turn better in these."

tBatt
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Sep 12 2008
10:56:25PM

hahahaa in gym today:

girl - wait, so skiiers are like... friends with other skiers?
me- yeah, i probably hang out with more kids who arent from our school than kids who go to our school
girl- wierdd... [walks away]

and another good one was on the hill last season-
gaper- dude, can you 720?
me- yeah..
other gaper- CAN YOU BACKFLIP?!
me- yeah...
other other gaper- well i bet you cant double cork 1080!
me- well everyone knows that you cant double cork a 1080, thats just physically impossible! its gotta be at least a 12...
other other gaper- shit, calm down mr x-games [skis off w. his friends]

"Yeah! plus everyone knows "no" means "yes"... and those who don't, never get laid." -snobunny

TOAST.$
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Sep 12 2008
11:57:18PM

not a quote but the other year a lady was next in line for the lift and she was standing to close to the lift and when the lift came around it hit her in the face and it broke her nose. Then the lift (main lift)was closed for half an hour so it was gay

piper
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Sep 13 2008
8:07:29AM

Quoting TonyTheTiger from Mar 10 2008 7:45:12:
Also the traditionnal :
:Are you good at skiing?
Me: not bad...
:Do you do jumps?
Me: Yes
:Can you do backflips?

LOL!!!thats so funny, i get that everytime at my school

its hard to be a thug
everybody wants to get like you

t-man540
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Sep 13 2008
8:57:15AM

"I'm gettin excited. maybe we'll see some 360's go down, or maybe even some 520s or 740s. It would be really sweet to see a 9 go down."

or something like that, from the meathead trailer

Shlogan
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Sep 13 2008
9:57:18AM

Quoting t-man540 from Sep 13 2008 8:57:15:
"I'm gettin excited. maybe we'll see some 360's go down, or maybe even some 520s or 740s. It would be really sweet to see a 9 go down."

or something like that, from the meathead trailer

my favorite part,lol, 520

sweetnesss
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Sep 13 2008
1:09:28PM

me and some friends were standing at the top of the park just waiting and this gayper lady and her kid were on the lift above us freaking out and asked us how to lift the safety bar up and get off the lift. no joke

RICK_ROSS$
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Sep 20 2008
7:28:12PM

so this kid at my boarding school (im the day student) from texas said he could through down bad ass helicopters and backscrachers

I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot

neon1peace
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Sep 20 2008
9:42:27PM

Quoting Shlogan from Sep 13 2008 9:57:18:
my favorite part,lol, 520

hahaha yeah he seemed really into it too

"If everyone skied there would be no more war." -Hannes Schneider "Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “Holy shit, what a ride!"

GreenStezz$
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Sep 20 2008
9:50:34PM

does the gondola go faster comming down then going up????>>>>.........................1......................

........................................................

B-VUR
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Sep 20 2008
9:53:22PM

No poles is in!

Forester Meeks can switch 720

DaveM

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Sep 20 2008
9:54:52PM

¨Did you cut a snowboard in half?¨

if3 was sick

sirskizalot$
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Sep 20 2008
9:56:58PM

Quoting zues$ from Sep 11 2008 1:28:45:
my friend's second time skiing:

Him: Wow skiing in powder sucks
me: .... rrrright

i have a friend who has been skiing for many years and still doesnt like skiing in powder.
it blows my mind every time he says it

a trick without the bang is kinda like a driveby without shooting anybody. -Alex_G

notomatoplz
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Sep 20 2008
10:43:08PM

gaper: the only good thing about snowboarding is that you can go in one of them terrain parks.

me: yea i know its wierd how skiers arent allowed in terrain parks....

i was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree

4frntfisherman
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Sep 20 2008
11:36:43PM

Kid lands halfway across the 20 footer then falls. he then yells to friends on ski lift "Dude! look how far I got!!!"

not skiing, but I like to tell tourist on the river that the white rocks are actually petrified glacier pieces...

Tanner-D
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Sep 20 2008
11:53:44PM

hahaha
Do you have double tips so you can wear your skis backwards?

Federation
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Sep 21 2008
10:23:51AM

some kid skis up the quater pipe and sits down on the top. His dad starts cheering as he raises his hand in the air, as if he just stomped a sw 10 or someother sick trick. Made me laugh.

pretzel that shit like Tom Wallisch!

NICK.VT
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Sep 21 2008
11:02:39AM

me to racing coach: why did you close the entrace to the park for race training?
coach: oh this part of the mountain gets the most sun.
me: the whole mountain face points south. the sun hits it all at once.
coach: well anyway its closed. hey why do you have such small poles?
me: they help me when i do helicopter backscratchers.
( ride away switch)

Girls are ten times as sexy if they ski.

PC.Jibber
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Sep 21 2008
1:57:15PM

i was at fuckin deer valley(i have no fucking idea why), and decided to go to their terrain park (if u can call it that), cuz it was like a month of no new snow.... so anyway, a group of gapers come op to me and say, "ur prettey good" (reffering to my warm up run of straight airs...) "howd u like to join our comp?" I had nothing better to do, so i did it... i shit u not, off of the last "jump" ( a like 3 foot roller), i crank out a pencil 5, and they fucking start worshipping me.... one of them says, "omgomgomg wow, if u could backflip u'd be just like jonny moseley!!!!!one!!!"..... never went back to that park.. piece of shit.

In the amazing event of crazy deep pow, your skis may be used as a flotation device.

-some really sick powder skis I saw @ the local shop.

RICK_ROSS$
Karma: 247304
6445 Posts
No Life
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Sep 21 2008
2:34:16PM

Quoting 4frntfisherman from Sep 20 2008 11:36:43:
not skiing, but I like to tell tourist on the river that the white rocks are actually petrified glacier pieces...

no fucking way, we do that too!!!!!!

I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot

sarahskis
Karma: 42982
1598 Posts
Insane
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Sep 21 2008
2:47:36PM

Some lady and her son came into a store in Breck, and said

"I'm only coming in becasue i need to get my son out of the altitude"

Yes. Yes please

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