The best gaper quotes - Ski Gabber

cferg
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Mar 27 2008
3:21:55PM

Quoting SEABURN from Mar 26 2008 11:33:11:
I was up with a buddy of mine who is a gaper ( he's new ) he said when you grab the front of the ski (truckdriver) it looked like a sex position.

I just said he was gay and pushed him over.

hahahahhah thats funnny

Pinto_G
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Mar 31 2008
2:35:03AM

Quoting Nikula from Mar 25 2008 10:44:57:
i ride the dumonts, and every week now it seems like some fuckin wanker will go up the chair with me and be like..... gaper " wow, why do you have two different skis on?"me " I dont. they are the same" i show them that they are the same tip of one ski and tail of the other..or still about my skisgaper" did you put your bindings backwards on that one ski to make them different"gaper "do you do those metal sliders"?or especially, this one drives me fucki insanegaper "how fast do you go for that bottom jump"?me " what"?gaper "yea i can do the first jump but then how much speed do you need?"me " what the fuck am i supposed to tell you, should i give you a number or like say when you pass the fifth tree and then the sixth tree exactly .7 seconds later, you are going to slow.."fuck what the hell do i say to that?fuck i hate gapers,

thats really not a gaper question man, how fast do you go for the bottom jump... usually i tell the people how many turns to make, like make 1 turn, or straight line completely etc.. i have pro skiers asking me this in whistler black park, because if you dont know the speed then you fucking die.

________________________________________
Life's a garden, dig it.

The Great Blue Heron, Ardea herodias, is a wading bird of the heron family Ardeidae, common all over North and Central America as well as the West Indies and the Galápagos, except in deserts and high mountains where there is no water for it to wade in. It is very similar to the European Grey Heron. This is the largest North American heron.

Crack.

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Mar 31 2008
8:21:03PM

Quoting Pinto_G from Mar 31 2008 2:35:03:
thats really not a gaper question man, how fast do you go for the bottom jump... usually i tell the people how many turns to make, like make 1 turn, or straight line completely etc.. i have pro skiers asking me this in whistler black park, because if you dont know the speed then you fucking die.

good point

how do you get to the bottom of alta from chad's gap?

SteevJee$
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Mar 31 2008
11:02:51PM

Quoting Nikula from Mar 25 2008 10:44:57:
"how fast do you go for that bottom jump"?me " what"?gaper "yea i can do the first jump but then how much speed do you need?"me " what the fuck am i supposed to tell you, should i give you a number or like say when you pass the fifth tree and then the sixth tree exactly .7 seconds later, you are going to slow.."fuck what the hell do i say to that?fuck i hate gapers,

yeah that isn't a total gaper question i mean people ask each other that kind of question all the time in the park

jeremy.g$
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Mar 31 2008
11:27:30PM

^ i think its more when they ask you and then like ride off the side or do something incredibly gaperish

406 i ride fat twins (hehehe)

AALT
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Mar 31 2008
11:55:52PM

all the old people and gapers at my hill are like"wow you do these jumps?"
"ya....."
"hats off to you!"
"ok thanks"

"no lets not go there where the jump are that is for snowboarders"
"no you ski there too"
"really?"
"ya"
"mom can we go in the pipe?" (daughter of them)
"ya!"

hahaha

i was teaching someone to snowboard at the easy run which has a small terrain park i was on a lift with this guy
"you do these jumps?"
"ya"
"wow your good, i bet i could do all of this on my skateboard!"
"awsome"
"ya"
"these look hard!"
"no these are the easiest things in the world"
"wow your good then"
he finds a snickers in his pocket and says "FUCK YA!"

SKI OR DIE

smooticus
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Apr 2 2008
12:45:32AM

^dude i say that everytime i find a snickers,, actually even when im in the store

Sometimes i think that my life is a dream,, and i wonder whose it is,, and if they're enjoying it..

Some call me Sally

Siroteknologies
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Apr 9 2008
7:02:22PM

Did I ever tell you about the time I invented snowboarding? Ya, I Don't want credit for it but they keep on giving it to me.

LOL. I was livin' in this hole-in-the-wall town called Utah when a guy from Colorado showed up saying he was making these so called "improvements." All of a sudden, the streets were running with lattes

Siroteknologies
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Apr 9 2008
7:02:58PM

^ I was quoting someone else on that top line

Travapple.$
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Apr 9 2008
7:27:44PM

every other run
can you do backflips??????

how do you get to chad's from the bottom of alta?

Shpadoinkle
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Apr 9 2008
7:33:21PM

Quoting Siroteknologies from Apr 9 2008 7:02:22:
Did I ever tell you about the time I invented snowboarding? Ya, I Don't want credit for it but they keep on giving it to me.LOL. I was livin' in this hole-in-the-wall town called Utah when a guy from Colorado showed up saying he was making these so called "improvements." All of a sudden, the streets were running with lattes

HAHA! I quoted that movie today too! "No swimsuit, no tanlines!"

â€œSoon I will be surrounded by seamen. Sperm whales and seamen. Oh look, a swallow!â€ - Stewie

cferg
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Apr 9 2008
8:47:54PM

haha so i was in the bathroom at sunday river. and these two ladies were talking about how they went down a glade. They were like i cant belive he took me down the trail with all the trees! I tried to use my wedge but i just couldnt do it. I was like trying to use the force of my wedge but i couldnt do it! idk i thought it was funny.

pepski
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Apr 9 2008
8:55:02PM

allow me to set the scene....

it was christmas day 2007 at a little place called Sierra-at-tahoe...sunny, warm approx 43 degrees..

midday we're in the lift line behind a family of four...mom and two kids wearing rental bibs/skis/ect...dad wearing jeans with rentals...

gaper kid#1 "mommy, daddy's wearing jeans...i want to wear jeans"
gaper mother "tomorrow we can all wear jeans"

priceless

i thought i was going to die

skiP.E.I.
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Apr 9 2008
8:56:19PM

I wore jeans skiing on either saturday or sunday. It was comfy.

pepski
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Apr 9 2008
9:03:16PM

nothing against wearing jeans....it was just funny as hell to hear

cferg
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Apr 9 2008
9:19:44PM

i wore bright blue jeans the other day..so epic

no_steeze

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Apr 9 2008
9:50:36PM

-what do they do with the moguls in the summer?

-what are skins?

-(texan points to a halfpipe comp) look at them skiers doing whirlybirds in that stunt ditch over there

"the only way to describe the scratch steeze accurately is to envision what the contents of Karebear vomit would look like if one of the furry buggers decided to eat a candyland board game." -300hp

RICK_ROSS$
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Apr 9 2008
10:10:51PM

Quoting no_steeze

from Apr 9 2008 9:50:36:
-what do they do with the moguls in the summer?-what are skins?-(texan points to a halfpipe comp) look at them skiers doing whirlybirds in that stunt ditch over there

i got
that kid went reverse in the obstacle corse

its not switch, its backwards

AALT
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Apr 13 2008
12:42:06PM

Some was skiing switch down the mountain and someone saw him off the lift and said
"He's skiing like Warren Miller!"
then i looked at her and started laughing....

OK, I don't know why I haven't shared this with y'all earlier, but anyhow...here goes: Last year I got my wisdom teeth pulled...pretty standard procedure, the shit they put me on was great...the stories are all the same. Anyhow everything's going smoothly. My mom's pampering me with McDonalds fries and milkshakes and shit, shit hurts, but no worries because that's the game. I'm taking codone and penecillin, the usual deal. Anyhow, a week passes and I realize that I haven't taken a shit yet, but it's not really bugging me, probably because I haven't eaten shit. Then another couple days go by and I'm eating a pretty normal diet, but still no shit. Two weeks pass and not a stool in sight. By now, I have to go real fucking bad, but the kids won't jump in the pool. I can't even sit down like a normal person; uncomfortable as a ass virgin in prison. I'm taking everything from a loaf of whole wheat bread, to a six pack of prune juice, to shit old people take (meatmcule and some gooey shit you mix in drinks). Still nothing. I'm complaining non-stop, which is understandable, because I have to shit so bad that I can't even think. Its been a week and a half by now...about twenty days with out taking a shit. My mom is trying to call the hospital, but I won't let her, that shit would be way too embarassing. She gets all pissed and leaves, 'I'm going to the drug store.' Im thinking, great more granma pills. She gets home hands me a bag and shoves me in my bathroom and jams the door shut. I'm freaking out yelling and shit, so is she. Finally shit settles down and I open the bag. It's a fucking home aenema kit, holy shit. I have to stick something up my ass, my fucking lord. After a while vascilating on life, I open the box. The dirctions are the funniest thing I have ever read, with pictures too, which are even better. After more vascilation I figure, what the fuck...I can't go on living like this, I gotta do it. The thing looks like one of those red generic kethup dispensers that can squirt really far, except the squirt part is a little longer and its filled with some sort of soapy liquid. So I pull that out and a little package of lube and get the shit all ready. I assume the position, as perscribed on the directions and slide it in. Amazingly, you can't feel it all that much, which makes sense, because I've had shits ten time the diamater of the little squirter thingy. Anyways, with the thing up my ass I squeeze the bottle until every last drop is in my colon and intestines and what not...that you can really fucking feel, but it's not a bad feeling, just really weird. So that's all finished...nothing. I sit up and some of the shit drips out, no biggy. Waiting. Waiting. Nothings happening at all, I still have to shit but it ain't happening. And then it hit me, like a nuclear fucking bomb. My stomach starting making noses like when you bring burps up from your stomach...I'm freaking shit. I sit on the toilet and my ass is sing the siberian national anthem, but no poo. Then my ass starts going into convulsions, it really wants to shit but it can't. And then it happened, I lost all control of my anus, the flood gates were open. It wasn't satisfying at all...I had no control whatsoever. I through a magazine rack, that is next to the toilet, and it broke into a thousand pieces...Freeze and Powder magazines everywhere. I'm still shitting like fucking mount vusuvius. I want to stop but I can't, my ass needs a break. I punch the wall denting it like a mother fucker, I thougt I broke my knuckles, but I was still shitting. I was honestly shitting for three minutes straight, and then a short break when I regained control, but then I lost it...It went on like that for an eternity. Not only did I not shit for almost three weeks, but I was taking more than reccommended doses of two laxatives on top of excessive wheat products and prune juice...holy shit, I thought I was going to shit out my lungs and heart. Finally I was done, but I was really sore, my asshole felt like it was McJagger's mouth. But I shit, I got it all out, and probably some other stuff too. I fixed the magazine rack, but the dent is still there from my fist. But to this day I am scared shitless of penecillin. The moral of this story, don't take shitting for granted. Now I always set aside at least ten minutes to poo, and I always bring along good reading material, because I never know when the next time I won't be able to shit will be. Keep this in mind kids, poop is your friend, but can also be your worst enemy.
-Alpentalik

no_steeze

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Apr 13 2008
1:59:28PM

Quoting AALT from Apr 13 2008 12:42:06:
Some was skiing switch down the mountain and someone saw him off the lift and said
"He's skiing like Warren Miller!"
then i looked at her and started laughing....

yeah i got:

-so you like those ski movies?
-yeah
-whose your favorite trick skier?
-(trying not to laugh) i dunno, i like a bunch
-oh. well mine's warren miller

i just burst out laughing

"the only way to describe the scratch steeze accurately is to envision what the contents of Karebear vomit would look like if one of the furry buggers decided to eat a candyland board game." -300hp

no_steeze

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Apr 13 2008
2:42:45PM

also, standing in ursa liftline at stratton with my prophet 90's
gaper dad- look son, those are them wide skis all of the kids use for the obstacle park
kid- oh can i get some of those?
dad- no son, you're too young

"the only way to describe the scratch steeze accurately is to envision what the contents of Karebear vomit would look like if one of the furry buggers decided to eat a candyland board game." -300hp

Dr.Scholl
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Apr 13 2008
3:37:07PM

i was out at copper with my invaders(with the pink bases) and there park lift goes to a buncha green runs, so this guy comes up behind me and is like "they got thos lights in them skis now" and im like what. so hes like "the bottom of your skis is glowing pink how do they do that?" and im like the bottoms are pink and there just reflecting. and he skis off saying "technology these days"
pricless it ends up he was from texas of course

get that fo sho!

Happy.
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Apr 13 2008
6:24:07PM

Old guy: Watch out for the snowboarders in here, this is there place
Little Kid: Okay dad

I just looked at him and started laughing

Ebanforpeace
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Apr 13 2008
6:30:19PM

"can you do a whirlybird?"

Pinto_G
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Apr 18 2008
12:26:48AM

this isnt a gaper quote but a funny story...

so me and my brother have skied and filmed for a day then we go into the condo for lunch. when we finish lunch we decide to dress up as gapers in tight jeans and gay shirts, we go out and everyone in the town is laughing while were walking to the lifts... we take the first lift up then we get on the second lift, and who gets on with us? mike riddle, he found it fuckin hilarious, then we went through the black park snaking peoples lines and throwing it down but no one cared because it was radical.

________________________________________
Life's a garden, dig it.

The Great Blue Heron, Ardea herodias, is a wading bird of the heron family Ardeidae, common all over North and Central America as well as the West Indies and the Galápagos, except in deserts and high mountains where there is no water for it to wade in. It is very similar to the European Grey Heron. This is the largest North American heron.

BootySpunk.$
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May 13 2008
10:50:34PM

ok well some kid just said this to me on aim so i would thought id share and bump this ish

*******: i liked how he hit a 360 before hitin the rail

talking about a 270 on lol

ur names pink.... so u got boobs then?
-SKIER_STEVE

"The joy I get from skiing, that's worth dying for" -CR Johnson

porn and NS are all i use. so back in 94 the internet had half of what i need to survive.- Shawn.

Well, that truly sucks. You should get her a care package. A razor, some soap, and a banana. Tell her to clean her area, shave, practice on the nanner, and come back to your room. She owes you.-snwbrdmilf

doritos
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May 13 2008
11:10:11PM

Quoting AALT from Apr 13 2008 12:42:06:
Some was skiing switch down the mountain and someone saw him off the lift and said
"He's skiing like Warren Miller!"
then i looked at her and started laughing....

That was an epic thread in your sig, but Christ haha, a little long...

Just so no one makes fun of me for being asian and having a small dick, I'ma lay it out right now: my dick might be below average, but I've banged a black chick before so quit drinking the haterade.

- Jumister5889

[Rush_Dangers]
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May 13 2008
11:37:32PM

Quoting TomK1 from Mar 11 2008 1:03:25:

My buddy works at this ski shop and this ass-hole fratastic looking kid walks in and goes "Hey i need some boots, I only ski black diamonds so I need some boots for black diamond runs..."

bahahahaha what a douche

julianmcginn$
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May 14 2008
6:32:36AM

im rider up with Gaper Grandma and Gaper Grandkid, and the grandma explains to the kid what a 360 degree helecopter spin was

Beer is so much more than a breakfast drink
-Josh Bibby

XtRemE11
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May 14 2008
8:55:51AM

i was riding up the gondola with some guy on a deep pow day and he had trouble makers, his friend says something like "are those new?" and the tm guy says "no just bringing out the surf boards for today", it was funny cause like everyone in the gondola had skis over 100 in the waist.

bradcoffey$
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May 14 2008
11:54:40AM

theres a kid i know hes not really a gaper just bad in the park and been doing it for a while

he says to my friend: wayno go hit that railing
me: its a rail

its a kinda skinny downrail at loon it kinda does look like it could be a railing

lamp$
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May 14 2008
3:14:20PM

"DO A 360!!!"
or better yet "can you do a backflip?!?!"

~auddie~
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May 14 2008
3:49:05PM

Saturday I was skiing this line under the lift that ended with a small pillow drop, hit the last bit switch. Out of nowhere I hear these kids screaming "oh my god watch out for the cliiiiifff!" Then five seconds later some fat gaper lady skis up to me to tell me how dangerous that was and how I should never do that again.

----------------------------------------
Ski or Die

Scott~
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May 14 2008
3:54:09PM

I was on this chair with a friend from NS, some lady (who knew her shit) and some random guy who didnt really look like a gaper. Anyways we were ogling a super steep line way off to the left, talking about people who have skiied it and when it can be skiied etc. Anyways the guy chimes in for the first time exclaiming, "Looks like at least a dozen people have straight-lined it." Me and my friend are trying not to laugh because he though the small lines where balls of snow had rolled down were tracks of people going straight down. The ripper lady was just like "Ummm no you dont straight line that." Thank god she said something nice... or we would have laughed at his face and mocked him for the rest of the ride up~

DangerToes
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May 14 2008
4:11:00PM

For background, I ski Alpental-

Him - "Yea, this mountain really sucks compared to Crystal"
Me - "Well isnt that nice, we do have nice backcountry though"
Him - "Yea, I went there last week, it really sucked (in refference to our foot of nice pow in april day) I was just skiing down, talking on my phone and suddenly theres a fucking cliff in my way, I mean, there werent any signs or ropelines or anything"
Me - "Well, thats why they call it the backcountry"
Him - "Yea, but they could at least rope off the cliffs"

I hate Crystal skiers

Also

"Wow, sucks you couldnt get anything skinnier, those must be really hard to use" - in refference to my skis.

afton_steeze
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May 14 2008
4:50:23PM

Quoting cferg from Apr 9 2008 9:19:44:
i wore bright blue jeans the other day..so epic

cool story hansel.

Jack Link's Shredded Jerky Chew - Teriyaki

"your toilet can't handle my dad" -Snakubsteez

Shastafarian
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May 14 2008
5:13:28PM

http://www.newschoolers.com/web/content/videos/id/190745/

...but have you ever gone skiing...on WEED?

www.porterstahoe.com

Scott~
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May 14 2008
5:24:37PM

Quoting DangerToes from May 14 2008 4:11:00:
For background, I ski Alpental-Him - "Yea, this mountain really sucks compared to Crystal"Me - "Well isnt that nice, we do have nice backcountry though"Him - "Yea, I went there last week, it really sucked (in refference to our foot of nice pow in april day) I was just skiing down, talking on my phone and suddenly theres a fucking cliff in my way, I mean, there werent any signs or ropelines or anything"Me - "Well, thats why they call it the backcountry"Him - "Yea, but they could at least rope off the cliffs"I hate Crystal skiersAlso"Wow, sucks you couldnt get anything skinnier, those must be really hard to use" - in refference to my skis.

My story was from that very same saturday at alpental I think... the very last pow day where it was super packed~

julianmcginn$
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May 14 2008
5:46:06PM

Quoting cferg from Mar 26 2008 6:08:57:

hahhhahha

I have personally met this kid. I'm so glad there's a picture of him. He calls the park the 'trick track'

Beer is so much more than a breakfast drink
-Josh Bibby

JHDski47
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May 14 2008
5:49:50PM

i get that "can you like....do a backflip?!!!" thing all the time but once a kid asked me as i was lining up for a rail "can you do a 1280?" and i was like what? are you fucking joking? and i went on to do the rail.
and i love when im in the park and some gaper willl tell me to do a 360 or something from the chairlift. they think a 3 is like the sickest trick ever done. Once that happened to me in VT and i did a 5 off the jump when they told me to 3 and they thought i was god.

hi im jake
im going to windells session 5, PM me if youre going
(\_/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
^Bunny

natedogg789435
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May 14 2008
5:55:27PM

me carving it up switch.

lift full of gapers: OMG!!!!!!!

doritos
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May 14 2008
6:16:15PM

Quoting natedogg789435 from May 14 2008 5:55:27:
me carving it up switch.lift full of gapers: OMG!!!!!!!

Cool name dude.

But yeah, I love how gapers get so worked up over the littlest stuff. There's this small knoll you can hit on liftline at Smugglers Notch that me and my friends love to hit, but I mean you get maybe 20 feet of air, maybe go 10 feet off the ground at the apex... pretty minimal. I was watching my friend hit it from below and this one gaper screams "OOOHHH GOD!" from the lift like this kid's life was about to end, it was fucking great haha.

Just so no one makes fun of me for being asian and having a small dick, I'ma lay it out right now: my dick might be below average, but I've banged a black chick before so quit drinking the haterade.

- Jumister5889

loganC
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May 14 2008
6:19:59PM

so I'm in the lift line with my friend, and we over hear this dad and his kid, the kids like 6-8 years old and the dad says "thomas, did you try an arial 180 and land on your bottom?" i got a good laugh out of that

cferg
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May 14 2008
7:19:00PM

Quoting julianmcginn$ from May 14 2008 5:46:06:
I have personally met this kid. I'm so glad there's a picture of him. He calls the park the 'trick track'

i met him too! he was haulin it in the "trick track" and fell and lost his ski..and i got it for him and we chatted it up. ahaha

tuna.
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May 14 2008
7:50:19PM

it was the 2nd to last weekend at schweitzer and we had a pretty good soul crew goin. were doin a bunch of classy trians with some good daffys, kangs, and such. anyway we were goin in for a train and after we hit the first jump we crossed over in front of the next hit to get to a log rail. my friend gets maybe 30 feet from this guy and appearently he thought he was snaked and started cussin out my friend. so we all yell at him and haul ass through the park after him. we get about 500 feet from the lift and i start telling everyone to spray him when he's waiting in the lift line. so we all haul balls down there and our crew of probably 20 people sprayed the bajesus out of this 6'4 + beast. he grabs my original friend by the throat and says ill kick your ass right now. from a distance my other friend drills this guy in the face with a snowball. he is pissed as hell. he whipes himself off and says i'll kick all of your asses right now and procedeed to think he was bad ass by saying i'll take you to the bathroom and bend you over right now. again from a distance my friend drills him in the face with a snowball and says "you would you homo". we laughed so damn hard. probably best time of the year

Meases_Pieces
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Jun 29 2008
6:46:44PM

i heard my mom talking on the phone about me and she was like "ya he recently got the skis with the upturn on Both ends

E.C.
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Jun 29 2008
7:34:52PM

look that guy just did a mctwist

freesyle roll for eva
ski for life

GoonSkwad
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Jun 29 2008
9:51:50PM

Gaper: hey! are you a freestylist?
Me. a.......sure
Gaper: Like jeremy Bloom?
me: no
Gaper: o. How do you get to the U-ditch thing?
Me: Colorado Doesn't have those anymore to many people from Nebraska got hurt.

PopsicleStand
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Jun 29 2008
9:55:49PM

while i hate dirty assumptive prissy gapers as much as everyone else, i wish people would take a second and remember that a new person going to a ski mountain is a big step for them. a lot of the things i see quoted in here are not that newbish in nature (such as asking about rockers).

just remember, skiing is already considered elitist in general, and newschooling is understood by few even in the ski world (just watch warren miller movies haha). point being, dont be a turn off to genuinely interested new folks who are curious or who are complete neophytes to the sport. we are already trying to separate ourselves with the fur wearing aspen ski crowd, and we might as well set a reputation for being somewhat friendly in or out of the park. especially to those right minded kids trying to learn threes fives and backflips in the park. that was me and you and many of your friends more recently than we would like to admit.

sorry to preach on a mad old thread

mitchk
Karma: 3493
681 Posts
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Jun 29 2008
10:12:03PM

ya i have the green and purple mojo 90's (06's i think) and whenever im on the lift and theres some noob beside me there like "are those two different skis? that must make it hard to turn eh?" and im just like no there a pair there just different colours.

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