Way back in 7th grade, I made the charming decision to run around a muddy trail in nothing save some skimpy spandex. This terrible idea is known to normals as: Cross Country. Up until a few weeks ago, the only good thing that ever came from cross country, is that hangovers no longer bother me, because they pain in comparison to what i feel after running 3 miles in weather so cold my extremities seek refuge somewhere between my stomach and my kidney.
My cross country team decided to say goodbye to the freezing tundra of central new york, in exchange for the muggy, disease infested, searing heat of..... you guessed it, Disney World. At the moment of conception, this idea was perfect. Flawless even. Little did i know what Disney World didn't have in store for me.
Now obviously, my friends and I planned to bring alcohol. It was basically a given from the get-go. We had everything ready to go for 5 drunk days in an Children's amusement park, when we were informed that the supplies one team member was stocking had been discovered by a nosy construction crew building an addition at his house. His parents, not being naive in the least, assumed that someone had given the bottles to him, and that he was not responsible. Alcohol? Our son? Never!
We were faced with the very real possibility of having to spend 5 days in Disney World, completely sober. We needed some sort of plan. The fun of Disney World would run out very quickly without a little help from some "friends". We are talking about 3 to 4 minutes, tops.
And from this disaster was born a plan so brilliant, it scared us. It was so simple, we were kicking ourselves for not thinking about it before.
The plan was basic: eat a large amount of marijuana before boarding our plane.
Departure day came, and our spirits couldn't be merrier. We got to school, and were promptly informed that our bags were subject to search. The coaches had gotten an anonymous tip that some irresponsible Yahoo was going to try to fineagle some alcohol down to the world of Disney. Fortunately, we had baked our fun stuff into crackers, and the coaches had no idea what to look for. With the Baggage search over and done with, we proceeded on our way to the airport of Syracuse. 15 minutes from the airport, 4 of us downed the crackers, getting about 3 grams each. (for those who don't know ,thats a fair bit of weed). Half an Hour later, I was beginning to feel it, and was off on the most extraordinary day of my life.
I found a wheelchair, and decided that dicking around on that would be a fantastic idea. I sat on my left leg, so it appeared that i was an amputee.
This is where my memory starts to go foggy. I started taking pictures of the airport, and got alot of neat shots, but probably freaked out some people in the process.
Flying while high is simply the most incredible feeling I have ever had. It was sex combined with a ham sandwich and some tapioca to top it all off. We had a one hour lay-over in JFK, and I basically sat on a chair, watching planes move around with utter fascination. About 10 minutes before boarding our plane, i had my brand spankin new phone out, texting a good friend about my condition (sugarloaf). I then turned my phone off, and looked away at a noise i heard. When I looked back at my hand, I no longer saw a phone, but a bomb, that had been placed there by some scheming individual. Quietly freaking out to myself, I set the phone down on the seat next to me, and walked quickly towards the gate, wanting nothing to do with the destruction of an aircraft and/or the following reprocussions. I sat down in my seat 5 minutes later, relieved that nothing bad had happened. A few minutes passed, before a stewardess announced that everyone should turn off their cellular devices so as not to interfere with the airplanes sensitive commuinicablah blah blah blah... "OH SHIT! that was my phone, not a bomb. Fuck MY ASS, my phone is inside, my new beautiful shiny new phone is no longer with me, and now in the hands of some grubby brooklyner who twalks like dis. We had pulled away from the gate. BUZZKILL #1!
I fell asleep. After drowing my sorrows in a small can of pineapple juice and a complimentary bag of munchies. I fell fast asleep, 30000 feet over the east coast. And i looked like jerk while doing it. While i was asleep, my friends got pictures of me sleeping in just plain odd positions, with my face contorted all sorts of ways. BUZZKILL #2. We landed, got our bags, drove to the hotel.
For an idea of how sketchy our hotel was, the name gave it all away. I was staying in the Homerun Hotel. I was afraid to touch any surface in the whole damn room. That day went by rapidly, and my abhoration for mickey Land began. The next day was our race, and by golly, if there's anything worse than running in 35 degree weather fighting off hail, it's running in 95 degree weather ,fighting off malaria laden mosquitos. Our course was sand, which got kicked up by a thousand running feet, and then propelled into my lungs. I wanted to die. That day sucked, out of all the bad experiences we had, that day just blew ass. The only redeeming quality was walking around Downtown Disney, with a fat cigar in my mouth, and a molestache drawn on my upper lip. good times.
A compadre of mine decided that he wanted to sleep on an island in the middle of the pool. he shed everything except his boxers, and went for it. His clothes were obviously stolen by other compadres of mine. This was an attempt to lure him into the room so he would go to bed and not get in any trouble, since he has the propensity to do some really fucked up things. He decided that the room was an ok place to sleep, and he beefed it for the night.
I woke up to a scream, and i saw a few people standing around where he went to bed. This is probably the most fucked up thing i have ever seen. I am not sure how he accomplished what he did, but it is most certainly a commendable feat. I took a picture to document how he looked, keep in mind, he is still totally asleep in this picture, and he put himself in this position all on his own:
This picture does no justice to the situation.
well, it's 12:45, and I am due to hand in my college application tomorrow, so it's time to hit the sack. i'll continue the story another time.