As America’s biggest ski area Park City now serves America’s biggest clientele, forcing the mountain to look to innovative business solutions under its new Vail Resorts management. In a revolutionary move in the ski industry the area will begin to charge skiers and snowboarders by the pound for their lift tickets. “It only makes sense,” a spokesperson said, “the bigger the person, the more we need to haul up the mountain.”

Gravity is a skier’s best friend, but a chairlift’s worst nightmare. “Larger riders cost us more money everyday, as they cause more damage to jumps, dent rails and take up more space. The move will really help to keep our infrastructure in tip-top shape, as well as encourage guests to stop bringing their lunches and libations from home,” the spokesperson continued.

Body image activists have already denounced the move, yet remain outspoken against Totally Trevor and the Pork Frat crew, who have already begun to petition the ski area to be renamed “Pork City.” Rates have not been officially set, but are believed to be between $.50 and $1 per pound.


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