Ah the days of elementary school. When tag was prevalent in between lunch and a diluted class of US history. I remember my first kiss. It was 5th grade and we were under the playground set where we were sure to be scott free. I caught some friends spying on me because the rumor of the first kiss spread faster than my two friends fighting later on that day (in fact I think we gained more of a crowd). The premeditated kiss was talked about in the class before by none other than notes with that message that will get any 10 year olds heart pumping faster than the speed of light...I like you, like you *cheesey smiley face drawing*. What happened a few days after that kiss was truly tragic. She said she liked another guy a week or so after. I had my heart broken for the very first time, only I didn't give a fuck. I mean sure it sucked, but by the time I got on the bus and watched the two local bullies (good to have as friends) put a kid in a headlock and fart in his face, I was cured.
Flashback to a week or so ago. I'm riding up the lift at PC. I see this kid who couldn't look older than 10 or 11 bust out an Iphone and send a text message to what I assumed was the only girl he knew...was his mom. I was actually debating asking him for her number because if you know moms in PC they are quite the cougars. Ok, so I wasn't really going to ask him, but anyway...The Iphone I thought no big deal, just a rich kid. Nothing you don't get too feverish about coming from a seacoast region. However, through my intense thinking of what I want to eat later I hear the pre-pubescent voice of his friend say "Hey _______ are you still going out with _______?" At this point I'm curious. I couldn't help but ask him how old he was before even letting him to respond to his friend. His response indicated that he was 12 and he said something about a half but I was too busy laughing. I proceed to let him answer his friend. He says yeah, but she won't do anything but make out with me. He caught me chuckling to myself and I felt that it was necessary to give him a response. With a quick internal crunching of numbers I told him that I didn't get to third base until 8th grade. You know what the little prick said..."Wow I'd kill myself if I had to wait that long to get a BJ." I was shocked. I thought in 8th grade I was the man for this. The only kids I knew that were promiscuous enough before that point were pregnant by 10th grade. I didn't know what to say for a moment. The first thing that came to my mind came out something like, you can't drive, you don't have your own place, how do you even accomplish this? Of course I forgot almsot every PC kids alibi for having a party, parents out on business. Now I'm set back, and highly curious. I start grilling him harder than those people on that lie detector show. So I am going to do this in interview format as to make it easier on the eye.
Me: How many girlfriends have you had?
Kid: three and a half.
Me: A half?
kid: Yeah we made out at a dance and had a fling. (a fling!? this kid does not know fling.)
Me: Dude take my advice, don't get mixed up with girls right now. It really isn't worth it. Just ski and build snow forts and do kid stuff.
Kid: Okayyyyy (sarcastic tone)
Me (thinking): you little shit.
Kid (directed to friend): She just texted me back and said she wants to hang out tonight at the movies
Friend: how cool would that be to have sex in the movie theatre.
Me: You kids are ridiculous (lift ends) promise me you won't have sex until at least 16...
Kid: No way man.
So feeling outwitted and less significant than a 12 year old I ski away. Watch them fall later on a pathetic attempt and I slip into primitive instincts of dominant territory. I then do my best to rub it in their face by trying extra hard to accentuate the grab and ride away. Feeling superior for about 5 seconds my world came to a crashing hault when I realized a 12 year old had just got the better of me for a solid run and a half of my life. So I sit here thinking back, what the hell is it coming to. Kids texting in class in 6th grade and worried about sex before 16? What is the world coming to. Granted we have always had those kids exploring at an early age, but is society conforming to lower ages for sex? Will there be a day when 12 and 13 are the ages that it's normal to lose your virginity? What if you reach the elder age of 18? Will you be chastised relentlessly without mercy because you haven't performed the basic task of insertion in someone of the opposite sex (or same sex if you swing that way). These topics will race my mind as I grow older and wonder what the future will bring to adolescent life. Am I jealous? No, not really. I am very glad I didn't dabble in the complicated worlds of girls and boys. I guess all there is to do is observe this comedic act we know as life.