Friday, 16th June, 2006

Dear blog;

A few million people on the internet take time off from their busy day at work, school, and having coitus with farm animals, to engage some of their time in continuance of their precious blogs.

Now there are commonality out there who will think that this means that the blog is worth looking into, a view into the deep innermost thoughts and conscience of a soul, a circumspect glimpse into the hallowed halls that can be called the human spirit, per se.

However, my fellow members of the genus Homo, the fact is quite the adverse. Sadly, the only people who write blogs are self-obsessed despondent little gothic girls, people who didn't finish first grade into rapping, and nerds who just want to show off their lame ability to put writing in bold, making it illegible.

While all of this seems daunting at the present point, the worst 'blogger' (as the layman designation is) is the one who has no seeming commission in life other than to formulate a blog, with no constitution, and worst of all, with a abominable intent to make it humurous. This man has no friends.

Reading any blog is like perusing a Tom Clancy novel except you know that the originator hasn't got a tank. And why the fuck would you do that?

The only true crossroads or climax in the plot will be if the 'gothic pre-teen' finally does decide to extirpate herself- although if trying to drive it to this juncture yourself, you may want to log in off internet cafe's to avoid implicating yourself. Another fringe benefit is, per usual, when browsing these blogs you will feasibly stumble upon a porn site. This can be OK at first, but eventually you get asked to proffer some funds. And jesus, nobody actually pays for substance on the internet. So you will have to dwell back into 'July 18- sup jall today i had anoter gr8 idea 4 a rap. 2 make it dif. from de otha 1s im gunna make it abot HOES insted ov SKANKS n SLUTs lyke i usualy do'. This may be considered moderately something to some of you, the apparent capitalization of 'hoes' in lieu of 'skanks', but it's something we already learned at school. (for those who didn't attain primary I recommend a LUGER or a .45 colt)

The cardinal motive is, don't fucking touch a blog. This blog feasibly took about 5 minutes of your sentience- and it's fucking useless. I know it, and now you know it too. So go make merriment of disabled people, hunt whales for soap, practice crack cocain or have courtship with farm animals, before these simple amenities of life are no longer available to us.

Remember nobody has an interesting blog. If god had a blog it would be lame.

If you wrote a blog, it would definately be lame.

If I write a blog, it's fucking lame.

blogs suck, go read a book

but not Tom Clancy, even though he owns a tank, which is sweet.

Yourís,

Simon

Some of you, who didn't take my earlier advice, will find this helpful:

blog- what you are reading

coitus- bangin'

Tom Clancy- canít do rodeo 7ís

HOES- SKANKS

Colt- read a Tom Clancy novel

Whales- 'Any of various marine mammals of the order Cetacea'