words and photos by Jeff SchmuckA cluster of premieres in Whistler and Vancouver have now come-and-gone, but the timing of the Theory-3/Poorboyz outings this year couldn't have been better. As sure as the day is long, each and every October in the Pacific Northwest it begins to rain. It doesn't stay warm and lightly drizzle Hawaii-style, and it isn't misty like an afternoon shower in London. The air begins to chill, the wind howls, and it pours. The doctors and lawyers in Vancouver and Whistler tend to get a tad on the grumpy side around this time of year, but the skiers know what's happening up top. The excitement and anticipation continues to build as said premieres pop up left, right and center in Western Canada's snowy version of Babylon, and most everyone in the skiing community tends to show up to drool over the yearly offering from local favorite Theory-3.

Max Hill, Marshall Talbot, Jeff Thomas and Brandon KellyAnyone who has been to one of their infamous premieres in the region knows what to expect the morning after. A wounded liver, handfuls of swag and an overwhelming sense of impatience for winter to arrive. At the Whistler stop, the fever was at a smallpox-level as the mountain tops had recently been all-out blanketed with over a foot of powdery white stuff, and photos of Mike Douglas taking advantage of the opportunity to get his October shred on had been circulating email inboxes all over town.
Callum Pettit. He's got the look, the beard, and the ladies.The infamous Longhorn Saloon played host to the madness, the usual suspects packed the venue, and the second the Canucks scored in overtime, the Poorboyz logo wailed across the screen and the party was on. With many of the athletes in attendance, it was hard to hear parts of the films over all the glasses being cheers'd, but it goes without saying that the Whistler segment in Yeah Dude and Brandon Kelly and Charley Ager's all-out assaults of the Mt Baker backcountry in PNW did not go unnoticed. Two films, a pair of Atomic Thug's given out and a stockroom full of empty bottles later, and it was time to call it a night and get some rest for the Vancouver date.
Snow pillows on the left screen, Daniel Sedin explaining his game-winnning goal on the right.The big city stop was a similar scene, save for the venue, which was flanked by skyscrapers, cheap pizza and hookers as opposed to snow-capped mountains and five-star hotels. The host in question was The Cellar, a downstairs sweatbox that nine times out of ten reeks of tequila and sex and usually plays host to consumption of both by British exchange students and weekend warrior Americans. After more excessive abuse of alcohol and people screaming beyond the tops of their lungs, the movies began and in a strange twist of fate from the normal protocol, it was safe to assume that the Vancouver stop was actually louder than the Whistler one.
Max Hill, two for three in the Triple Crown. After the credits rolled, Theory-3's Jeff Thomas brought the night to a new level of debauchery when he brought a handful of people on stage to partake in some sort of race to the finish-like contest involving everyone taking their clothes on and off in exchange for a pair of Line Invader's. When a tie ensued between premiere marathoner Magdalena Quintana and Comor's Pete Hunter, the matter was solved by the best way possible...an intense game of rock, paper, scissors.
Rock, paper, scissors. If only all disputes could be solved that way.Following that, it was a blur. But after many a glasses were broken, shoes were drank from, clothing was ripped and promo girls had been harassed, the night sadly came to a close. The Whistler and Vancouver premieres were in the bag, and there really wasn't a better way to kick off winter in the area. They weren't the first two premieres in these two cities, and they wont be the last, but as expected, they were definitely the rowdiest.
Dark, cramped and sweaty. The necessary elements of a ski movie premiere.


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