Funny childhood story

I had an anxiety/dependancy problem in kindergarten because my parents didn't get me out into social settings enough. Every time I got the slightest bit nervous, I would just projectile vomit all over the place.

Happened at least 6 times in one year, puked on people's trays at lunch, puked in the middle of the hallway, on my own lap, and during a game of tag in gym class. But the worst of all... During the reading of the holy book (green eggs and ham) I started to worry about something, felt it coming... Puked all over the place and simultaneously shat my pants. Just sat down in my vomit with terrible swamp ass, cryed my eyes out, kids were screaming and running away... It was just a situation.

Thankfully, I'm only like half as awkward as I was back then. Now I just jizz myself when I'm startled.

Op.I had an anxiety/dependancy problem in kindergarten because my parents didn't get me out into social settings enough. Every time I got the slightest bit nervous, I would just projectile vomit all over the place.

Happened at least 6 times in one year, puked on people's trays at lunch, puked in the middle of the hallway, on my own lap, and during a game of tag in gym class. But the worst of all... During the reading of the holy book (green eggs and ham) I started to worry about something, felt it coming... Puked all over the place and simultaneously shat my pants. Just sat down in my vomit with terrible swamp ass, cryed my eyes out, kids were screaming and running away... It was just a situation.

Thankfully, I'm only like half as awkward as I was back then. Now I just jizz myself when I'm startled.

BOO!

























;)

My friend was shooting golf balls. I was standing behind him, and this kid did a swing straight out of wii sports. Hit me in the face on the backswing. Didn't even know what happened at first. I just remember holding my face and saying "Uhh Jack I think you just hit me" Then I pulled my hand away from my face and noticed that I was bleeding profusely. I then ran up to the nearest house screaming. I knocked on the door and then my brother said "GO INSIDE DUMBASS". I ran inside screaming "Help me help me please" I had a hole in my cheek. My friend thought he killed me and ran away from home for a few hours. Got it patched up and then I was good to go. Got blood all over the place.

THEDIRTYBUBBLEMy friend thought he killed me and ran away from home for a few hours. .

"friend"

This is probably the furthest back memory I can remember and my brothers friend always makes sure I still rememeber it. I was probably 3 or whatever age you still shit yourself and I walked down the stairs from my bedroom and on the 12 or so steps I made sure to leave a little nug of poop on almost every step.

Other than that I just remember my oldest brother pinning me against walls when my friends came over.

Titus69This is probably the furthest back memory I can remember and my brothers friend always makes sure I still rememeber it. I was probably 3 or whatever age you still shit yourself and I walked down the stairs from my bedroom and on the 12 or so steps I made sure to leave a little nug of poop on almost every step.

Other than that I just remember my oldest brother pinning me against walls when my friends came over.

I don't know a single three year old that still shits their pants. You my friend, were a late bloomer I'm afraid.

BUT. BACK TO THE THREAD.

When I was 3, I was at the doctor's for a checkup with my brother and mom. My brother was 2. He ran up to me screaming about how they had coloring books in the waiting area, and me being 3, was fucking stoked. He pointed them out and my clumsy ass booked it over there to the shelf. When you're little, you don't have much for coordination, I ended up tripping right before I got to the book shelf, and slammed my eye into the edge of one of the shelves. Split my eye lid open right there on the spot, thank god I was already at the hospital. Got a few stitches and now I have a little scar below my eyebrows to forever remember that moment.

Wheaty214I don't know a single three year old that still shits their pants. You my friend, were a late bloomer I'm afraid.

BUT. BACK TO THE THREAD.

When I was 3, I was at the doctor's for a checkup with my brother and mom. My brother was 2. He ran up to me screaming about how they had coloring books in the waiting area, and me being 3, was fucking stoked. He pointed them out and my clumsy ass booked it over there to the shelf. When you're little, you don't have much for coordination, I ended up tripping right before I got to the book shelf, and slammed my eye into the edge of one of the shelves. Split my eye lid open right there on the spot, thank god I was already at the hospital. Got a few stitches and now I have a little scar below my eyebrows to forever remember that moment.

How many three year olds do you talk to?


Idk what age I was but my brothers friend remembers it and reminds me about it a lot.

Shit myself during a Twister match one time... I wasn't that young either, I just really had to shit.

When I was 5 I got a little defiant and said I would be fine on my own. So long story short I lived and slept in a tree for 3 days and would wait until my mom left and sneak in to the house and stock up on pb&j's to bring back to my tree book.

One of my most embarrassing childhood moments, that not even one of my close friends knows about and I'm totally going to regret posting it on the Internet, happened after I went to the dentist one day. So I was born without enamel on my teeth, also born with cleft lip and palate so I bet that was related or something but irrelevant, so I was in the dentist a lot to make sure my teeth were healthy and clean or whatever. But I got one really nasty cavity in a back tooth or whatever and I had to get it filled and they gave me a healthy dose of laughing gas. My mom made me leave a lot earlier than we should've, I was still like zooted from this shit, but she wanted to get to some sale at a super high end bathing suit place before the store closed. So we go in and she picks out some stuff for me and picks out some stuff for her and I go into the dressing room to try them on. Now mind you, this is a super small boutique and the dressing room is just in the corner of the store and the door is just like a shower curtain and it doesn't hit the floor. But so I start taking things off to try on the bathing suits and literally as soon as I take off my pants I start peeing. It's uncontrollable. I'm trying to stop and it's just not happening. I'm yelling for my mom as it's literally flowing out from under the "door" and I'm trying to discreetly call for my mom. But she went outside to take a phone call and left me all alone to handle this catastrophe by myself. I panic and wrap my pants around myself like a skirt and grab my shoes as I bolt out the door. So I'm half naked and outside as I'm pulling on the car door as it is parked directly in front of the store. All of the employees are staring at me while my mom is totally oblivious to what is happening and I'm like on the verge of a breakdown because I'm still high as a kite and half naked on a highly populated street in the middle of the day. When my mom finally notices, she starts laughing hysterically and pointing and even takes a picture of me before she lets me in to the car. So we get into the car and I'm bawling at this point and I tell her what happened and SHE GOES BACK INTO THE STORE AND TELLS THE EMPLOYEES WHAT HAPPENED. She's laughing her ass off and they're all laughing and meanwhile we are still parked in front of the store and I'm in clear view of all the employees and I can watch them judge me through the floor to ceiling windows. Even years later I will never step foot into that store.

Tl;dr I got high at the dentist and peed all over the place in a bathing suit store and my mom and the employees made fun of me while I sat in the car and watched